Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration
by Cazcatharsis
Summary: 07verse: Two girls and one fine freakin' Pontiac. How does one balance everyday crisis with daily meetings with alien mechs and stay sane? Now with 27% more ninjas!
1. Chapter 1

Heh. Hi guys.

I started writing this back in… hell, October I think, on LJ. A good chunk of you have probably read it already either there or at transfictions, but I thought what the hell, might as well have at least ONE finished fic on FF, eh? I haven't even edited it much since, if at all.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own TF or any recognizable characters, songs, movie quotes, video games or food I might mention. I own my OFC though. She's my bitch. :)

**Characters**: pretty much everyone, but Mikaela-centric

**Feedback: **Not required but appreciated. I hate it when authors beg, makes me NOT review. LOL Flames will be used to light cigarettes.

**Warning**: I cuss, I blow stuff up, and I'm blunt… and the fic is rather strange. Just enjoy it for the fun, and don't take it seriously. I write for entertainment only. :D

Oh, and half the summary is courtesy of Vixensshadow and Conna. You bastards. :P

I'll shut up now.

* * *

_If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit._ Dr. Emmett Brown

(1)

"You know what? Kiss my _inferior human_ ass, the lot of you."

I gave the group one final glare before turning away and stomping down the highway. I could walk home, I'd done it dozens of times, and quite a few of them in the past three weeks, since the battle in Mission City. For a bunch of peace-loving sentient robots and an ex-geek turned hero, they sure knew how to piss a girl off. Funny thing is they didn't seem to know what the hell they did to piss me off so much. _Must be a common male deficiency, hard wired into them no matter what the species._

For a woman like me, one of the biggest crimes in my book was to claim ownership over me. I thought Sam knew better, having more or less asked me why I hung out with assholes like Trent who constantly claimed I was 'his', and the Autobots? I recalled Prime, on more than one occasion, claim that 'freedom was the right of all sentient beings', but in the same breath called me and Sam 'our humans', and restricted our movements. Bad thing to do to a wandering and free spirited teenager like me. Sam didn't seem to mind though, as he was used to restrictions, but I would NOT stand for it.

Then Hide's habit of bringing down the entire species in one nasty comment… usually involving one of the words 'inferior', 'primitive', or 'weak'… made my blood boil.

So I left for the umpteenth time that month, near shaking in affronted rage, desperate to get away from them before I said something that could potentially damage what little was left of their good will. That, and… Sam.

Sam, Sam, Sam.

I felt like a bitch. A shallow Bitch.

It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore; we were great as a couple, never mind an odd one… for the first little while. Then things, first small, then gradually larger, made themselves apparent to me. First it was the whole 'car theft' thing back before Mission City even happened. Sam's reaction was understandable, but it still got to me, the, _what do you call it_… holier than thou attitude that rolled off of Sam, up until I told him off, pointed out how very protected he was from the real world. What hard decisions has HE ever had to make in his life? To wear the brown shirt or the red one? Oooooooooooooh. Life-threatening.

I scoffed and kicked a rock.

Things hadn't gotten any better really. He was a sweet kid, but under experienced, too hyperactive, over-reactionary, and, well, much too in love with his car. Not in the 'I want to hump you every which way possible' kind of love, but the 'hetero life mate' like Jay and Silent Bob type of way, which really didn't leave much room for paying more than passing attention to the brunette car-buff 'evil jock concubine'.

And he chewed with his mouth open.

And he had very narrow tastes in music.

And though his mom was sweet, Sam spent way too much time sucking up, lying, and generally bending to their will instead of exerting that strong, brave, and independent attitude that guys at Sam's age usually developed by now. If there was anything that I admired about people it was independence and a strong will. Sam's simpering sometimes just drove me up the wall. In my head I recalled Sam's 'Whiny Voice':

_I gotta go my dad's gonna kill me if I'm late for curfew oh man Bee hurry!_

The fake voice got whinier and more child-like as I stomped on:

_I'm going to be late for the big important Autobot meeting, I have to replant the flowers Prime stomped or mom will take away my computer._

I nearly laughed remembering this real life gem:

_I can't go out tonight, I'm grounded. No I can't just sneak out the window. Yes, even if Bee helps. No, it's not because I don't want to miss Sam's Happy Time. You two are perverts._

I made a face and kicked the rock again, watching it soar and disappear over the edge of the drop-off. _Shit. Now I gotta find something else to kick around…_

_Where's that spazzy little Frenzy when I need him?_

_Decommissioned and likely has bits of his wiring used for toaster repair, hopefully._

I cackled, finding a torn up pop can and proceeded to kick that for the next quarter mile.

As the can sailed over the median I realized I'd demonized poor Sam in my mind, conveniently forgetting all the good stuff he'd done over the past three weeks, and the fun guy he was BEFORE I bothered getting to know him. Fondly I remembered the day I got a ride home from him (in what was at the time, a piece of crap Camaro), when he outright told off Trent. _Mazes, colouring pages, what else?? Oh yeah, pop up pictures. Stroke of fuckin' genius there…_ I giggled remembering how Trent's face turned red as a tomato and myself admiring Sam's guts for spouting those insults despite being surrounded by 'brain damaged' jocks. That was probably the first time the unremarkable Sam Witwicky impressed me, and he didn't slow for a few days, coming up with more balls and guts and witty remarks than anyone I'd known for years in school, next to my own dad (who was stupid enough to get caught)…

And he wasn't half bad looking' either. For a skinny guy.

_**BLAAAAAAAAAT!**_

I screamed before I could stop myself, leaping what felt like a foot in the air before spinning to confront who I pretty much knew was a either an obnoxious yellow or 'playa' silver Autobot…

Instead, a gunmetal grey 1973 Chevy Nova SS inched closer and closer to me, engine purring like a lion, dark tinted windows and moonless night preventing me from seeing the driver (if there even was one)…

Suddenly, a scratchy masculine voice reached me ears, and I cringed. Not a mech… a pervert. Wonderful.

"Hey babygirl! How much for a lap dance?"

_Kill. Smash. Destroy._

"Fuck you." I spat. Maybe if I asked nicely Prime would run him over…

"I'll take that too!" The man's voice cracked, then overridden with a spattering of too-feminine giggles.

Realization hit me the same time the Chevy's driver door swung open and the now expected big black boot hit the roadside gravel. _Malena! _I laughed and wanted to strangle her at the same time. "You Bitch!"

"You totally fell for it! AGAIN!" Mischief filled eyes peered at me over the door.

Malena's 'truckstop bastard' voice 'got' me a grand total of 4 times this year, whether over the phone or in person, and I felt a little dumb for falling for it a fifth… and I knew Malena would never EVER let me live it down.

I nearly booted her in the shin for the trick, but hugged my giggling older sister instead. It was good to see her. I'd get vengeance later…

Our conversation consisted of mostly interrogation.

"What the fuck are you doing home?"

"What the hell are you doing on the highway at night, doofus?"

"Where'd you get this car?"

"Could your skirt be any shorter?"

I wrung some information out of her, like she was home because she dropped her ass out of college and wanted to come back here, and she got the car out in the east. I told her my bullshit story of fighting with my boyfriend (which was half true) and yes, my skirt COULD get shorter thankyouverymuch.

"Full story when we get home?" She asked, casting a concerned look at me. I nodded, relieved I'd have more time to come up with more bull. Though, I was sort of looking forward to a good mothering after months of being more or less alone.

I grabbed the 'gonnapissmyself' handle as my sister roared through the third red light in as many miles, badly singing along with classic Pink Floyd and grinning like a maniac. As much as I loved her, this woman was insane. She took the familial love of cars to a whole other level, not stealing them, but driving them all like she was a demolition derby contestant. It would be a shame if she ruined this beast.

_It was only that once, you exaggerator!_

_Wait. Twice. Remember your 15__th__ Birthday?_

_Then there was the time with that dude in the 'Cuda…_

"Fuuuuuuuuuck me, look at that!"

My sister's lust-filled purr stirred me from memories of that hulking hairy 40-something year old guy threatening to kill her for scratching his car, only to see a familiar silver Pontiac Solstice glide past us, put on the brakes, and pull up even next to us. I glimpsed the man in the driver's seat, holographic face looking a little worried. I waved with a wary smile.

Jazz was the only one of that entire group that I could stand. Discounting the first time I met him when he addressed Sam and I as 'lil bitches', he was pretty cool. He never insulted humanity, instead revelling in it. He never made me feel inferior, rather flattered me beyond what most guys would bother with. I could be myself around him. He was like a robotic big brother. And hell, his car-form was hot.

"You know this guy?" Malena jammed her thumb in Jazz's direction, eyebrow quirked. This was her sisterly way of asking "are you boning this guy?" which at any other time would have me in giggling fits.

"Yes, I know him, and no, I'm not boning him, so don't even ask." I smirked.

Since his 'resurrection', Jazz'd taken it upon himself to guard me nearly as hard as Bee guarded Sam. Given that I could never realistically afford to drive a hot-ass piece of machinery like that, we didn't pair up like they did, but nonetheless he was nearly always around, in the background watching, or sometimes driving me places with his hologram sitting proudly in the driver's seat (made for difficult explanations to my friends). He never told me why he felt he needed to guard me like this, but I had a feeling it was because I helped to bring him back. Minor repair, whatever Ratchet would allow (which wasn't much considering he was one cautious guy), but I had a small part in it. Maybe it was his way of showing appreciation, but I never asked.

Boning him was not an option.

"Well if you're not, I sure as hell will!" Malena waggled her eyebrows.

The silver Solstice swerved and I started laughing.

At the next red light, my sister, in a near unfathomable show of respect for the law, actually slowed to a stop. Jazz, after regaining control of himself, pulled up next to us again, engine revving in what I learned to interpret as hysterical laughter. The hologram itself was just smirking like mad, nearly preening. _Yeah, he knows he's hot._

Making a show of it, he pulled out a cell phone and dialled, and a microsecond later mine rang. I dug through my purse, hunting for the sound of "oh yeah, press my buttons" in a deep Isaac Hayes-like male voice coming from my phone. Malena snorted and turned down the music.

"Christ, Mouse, I can roll down the windows if you wanna chat…" she muttered, exasperated at me.

"What can I say; I'm a high tech girl." I paused. "And don't call me that."

"Pfft."

_Siblings…_ "Light's green."

She shot off so suddenly that I slammed back into my seat with a squeal, nearly dropping my phone. Jazz's laughter rang out from the speaker of my phone and I had to hold myself back from telling him to stuff it up his tailpipe. Instead I pointed at Malena: "Fuck you," then pointed at Jazz, "and fuck you too for laughing."

"Y' love me, y'know it." Jazz's smooth metallic voice sang.

Looking pointedly over at the driver, I replied haughtily, "I love her too but she can still go fuck herself."

Malena swatted me one-handed for the remark. "Skank."

"Bitch."

"Would it be redundant to ask if she's safe?" He asked in his 'All Business' voice. _So that's why he's calling instead of just yelling across…_

"You could say that…"

"Family?"

"How can you tell?"

"Y' talk ta each other like me an' Bumblebee do."

I'd caught them tormenting each other a few times and I couldn't help but agree. Only they added stun laser-fire to the equation and drove Ratchet mad from repairing fried circuitry.

"…and you look alike."

"We do NOT!"

"Do too." Jazz's voice was teasing now.

"Do not!"

Malena's gaze was shifting from me, to Jazz's holo, to the road, to me, and back again, looking very entertained. "You sure you're not boning him?"

_Smack._

"I'll leave you gals to it then. I'll be back at the base; Ironhide owes me a few shots of high grade. You'll be okay til tomorrow?"

"I'll be fine." I assured him. Goofy or not, he was protective.

"Alright, be safe." The line clicked and Jazz made another show of flipping his phone closed before winking slyly at my sister and making the next left. Malena groaned and commented on the Solstice's 'ass' as it disappeared.

_Be safe._

* * *

A black and white observed the entire exchange, visually and electronically, hidden in dark alleys and shadows wherever he could find them, shifting the fine points of plans already in action. Once the protector abandoned the organics, the Mustang rolled from its cover, taking his time, considering his options. He knew where they were going. No rush.


	2. Chapter 2

You're still here? Cool!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own TF or any recognizable characters, songs, movie quotes, or food I might mention. I own my OFC though. She's my bitch. :)

* * *

_Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.  
Christmas Vacation_

**(2)**

After a quick stop at a drive through coffee joint (another of Malena's brilliant 1 AM ideas), we drove home, chatting the entire time about nothing important. Lena had a rule:

No serious talk in the car.

She got it from _the Godfather_ and the Corleone rule of _no business at the dinner table_. I went along with it cause hell, the road's for _pleasure_, and you can't enjoy it when you're talking serious shit…

There was a tense moment when Lena spotted a pig-mobile in the rear-view, but it didn't stop us, and fell back out of view after only a few blocks. Thank goodness, cause Malena didn't exactly have a good rep around here.

It was just great to be with her again. She was everything Sam and the Autobots (with the exception of Ironhide and Jazz) weren't. Caustic, rude, but goofy and surprisingly motherly and intelligent, and a stubborn streak a mile wide (which I had the fortune of inheriting through our corrupt genes). Next to Jazz, she was the only one who didn't expect some other version of me; she didn't need to be impressed.

Then again it's hard to impress a person who's seen you in diapers.

The engine cut when she pulled up in front of the house and the world turned dead silent. Neither of us moved to get out of the car, both just staring quietly at the house.

"Where's Mom?" She asked after a moment of examining the dark windows and unkempt patch of grass.

_That's what I'd like to know._ I nearly said it but… she didn't need to worry about that too. Swallowing my self pity, I lied. "Probably in Vegas."

"And she left you alone?!"

"I'm almost 18!"

She sighed. "Yeah…" the drivers side door fell open and she grabbed her backpack & purse out of the back seat, scowling.

I could never lie to her. Well, I could, but she had a bullshit detector when it came to me and the family. Either that or she didn't trust us. Either way… she knew.

I got her inside and settled in her old room, then went to change, wondering why the hell she dropped out of college and came back _here_. If it weren't for Sam and the Autobots, I'd be faaaaaaaaar gone after I graduated high school, and there was no way in hell I'd come back. Whatever made her do it, it had to be big.

I found my pajamas and donned them, grinning. My favourites. The ridiculous bright yellow fleecy ones. And my Octopus slippers. One tends to forget they fought in a war and have giant metallic bodyguards from space when they're wearing octopus slippers. Absentee mothers and the occasional cockroach the size of my palm could be forgotten with the silly penguins emblazoned all over my body. I smiled at my reflection in the mirror, fingering the penguin sewn on my boob. Stupid Pajamas.

_SNORT_

In the reflection I spotted my sister… wearing snot-green teddy bear fleecy PJ's and her gorilla slippers, hair braided into pigtails and a pair of the nerdiest horn-rimmed glasses I'd ever seen perched on her nose.

Somehow, despite all that, she managed to sound like a 70's pimp with a straight face.

"Well… fetch me my hot chocolate, bitch!"

I could have squeed like a fangirl on crack. SISTER NIGHT!!

* * *

_Those were by far the most obnoxiously ugly coverings he'd ever seen. Ever. _

_Not only were they optic-searing in their brightness, but… penguins? The Decepticon nearly reconsidered the female's intelligence in the face of such horrid wardrobe. _

_He'd parked under a tree not far from the house, shaded from the street light, fully secure in his own safety. Even in such a derelict area, the inhabitants had enough respect for what his alt-form represented to keep their distance. And there was no sign of the Autobots anywhere near. Fools. They'd been cautious til tonight, leaving an opening Barricade would happily take advantage of. _

_Regrettably he could do no more than reconnaissance tonight. But it was the first time he'd felt safe enough to do so, and so he'd gather what intel he could before making any aggressive actions. _

_He only wished it was Frenzy out here in the bushes instead of him and his stupid holoform. The hyperactive little shit was _made_ for this. Barricade was not. Barricade just smashed things. This sneaking around being quiet thing was wearing on his patience. _

_It took nearly a week to find the rest of Frenzy's head, and the last two just to re-attach it and fix the rest of the little bugger. Another couple of days and he'd have his partner online and driving him up the wall. He'd rather be tortured by the Autobot's crazed medic than admit it aloud, but he was looking forward to it. _

_Until then… it was fighting with half-dead flora and trying not to just smash in and do what needed to be done…_

Waitaslagginminute… are they… drinking?

* * *

"Fuck girl, when I was your age, Baileys was the wussiest thing I'd drink!"

"You're a great influence." I laughed, pouring a generous stream into both our cups before settling back with a slice of pie balancing on my belly. _Oh, if Sam ever heard about my Sister Nights he'd pee his X-men boxers._

Malena sighed and thanked me as if I'd just given her high praise.

Sister Night Plan, part one: Getting over-caffeinated and/or slightly tipsy. She'd only started adding booze to the equation last Christmas, the last time she'd been home, but before that it was straight up hot chocolate.

Part two: Grilling and Bitch Session, which was merrily underway when Malena asked me about my love life.

Stretching, she grinned and asked, "So, besides Mr. Boneable in the Solstice, who else do you have chained up in your man-stable?"

I spewed my drink. "LENA!"

She giggled evilly, but didn't prod me. I ended up telling her about Mike, Stephan, Trent and Sam.

"Four since Christmas? Go Mouse!"

"Don't call me that."

The story of 'meeting Sam' (altered a little of course) got some interesting reactions. Malena hated jocks as much as Sam did, and she applauded when I told her about the Football brain damage jibe. Then she pretty much drooled over Bumblebee's 76 Camaro alt-mode, oohed and ahhhed at all the right places during the ride home, and sighed like a girl when I told her Sam's parting 'more than meets the eye' line. By the end of the story even I was smiling with the fond memory of Bee's malfunctioning radio and Sam's very bad attempts at getting me in the car. _Like to ride you home_ indeed.

"Cheesy, but sweet. So what's the problem?"

I told her. Not anything involving the giant mechs, just the Sam relevant details. She listened, sipping her spiked cocoa, nodding or cringing or outright laughing. Everything came out, my frustration, my peeves, all the little things that pissed me off about Sam and our relationship. When I finally fell silent and downed the rest of my cocoa, she spoke.

"Sounds like love to me…"

"Just how much Baileys did you drink before I got out here?" I waved at the bottle.

"Yo yo yo, hear me out..." she chugged her drink and poured us both straight shots. "He's cute." A statement of fact, not a question.

"Yeah."

"He has a nice car."

"Yeah." In all senses.

"He lets you drive it."

_You could call it that_. "Yeah."

"And despite his high-school standing of…" Air quotes. "Loser, he had the balls to stand up to that shit-stick Trent AND getting stalked afterwards?"

It wasn't a full on lie there, now was it? "Yeah?"

She huffed and lit a smoke.

"Damn girl, you ain't givin' the kid enough credit."

"Buh?"

"You said he acts more or less like a 12 year old with diaper-rash… and he plays around with 'the guys' too much, yeah?"

Monosyllabic answers for the win! "Yeah."

"Look down."

I quirked a brow, but she just nodded. "Do it."

I did.

And I saw what she did.

A 17 year old girl in yellow Penguin pajamas and octopus slippers, eating Doritos at 2 in the morning. A kid getting her second taste of booze with her big adult sister. A teen that had to grow up too damned fast and too damned hard and had to take a break from being mature once in a while, if only to keep her sanity.

"Give the fuckin' kid a chance. He deserves that much."

That he did. I pouted. "You suck."

"Only when asked nicely."

Thoroughly scandalized and admittedly buzzed I threw a pillow at her. She blocked it and cackled. In the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder how she did it. Somehow she made me feel both shamefully hollow enough to do some deep-ass thinking in the morning, AND make me laugh and blush like some Southern Belle.

"So, when do I get to meet Captain Underpants?"

Part three: Horror movies and leftover Chinese food from three days ago… and more booze.

"I'm gonna have a hangover."

"I'll take you to brunch… if you promise to keep the undigested bits off my seats."

"Gross!"

After both Death Proof (in which I laughed over the Bee-look-alike Mustang and we both drooled over the other cars) and The Decent (which was a guarantee neither of us would ever go caving), the sun was up and I was just stumbling into bed. I already had a headache and more bad images of exposed bone and cannibalism than my brain could handle… then…

"Oh yeah, press my buttons… yeah… oh… Oh!... OH YEAH!"

If there was ever a moment I wanted to psychically make someone's head explode, this was it. Seeing the number displayed on the LCD screen doubled my desire.

"If the world isn't ending, I don't wanna hear it." click

"Oh yeah…press…"

click

"Jazz, don't make me dismantle you."

"What crawled up your exhaust?"

"A bottle of Baileys and congealed dim sum. Now go away."

Jazz chuckled. "So, no mall trips today?"

"Helllll no."

"No cruising?"

"No." Someone must have put my vocabulary on repeat sometime after Malena showed up.

"How 'bout a wash?"

"N… piss off!"

Wicked laughter poured from the speaker.

"You're gonna meet the intimate end of an acetylene torch if you don't let me sleep."

"Oooooooh, is that a promise?"

"Jaaaazzzz!" I whined, pulling a pillow over my head and sobbing into it.

"Alright alright, I'll leave you alone..."

Sweet Relief! "Thank you." Between him and my sister my hair would be grey by the end of the week.

"Only if you tell me why your sis calls you Mouse."

"No." _aaaaaand we're back to single syllable words_.

"I'll let you sleeeeeeep."

"I'll hang up."

"I'll keep callin'."

After a minute of negotiations I gave in, when he threatened to run over my lawn and honk outside my window. _Good guy my ass…_

* * *

_Barricade retreated back to their temporary base after the first movie. He hadn't intended to stay, but the main character was fascinatingly evil, and the car chases were worth the long streams of human female dialogue. _

_He'd gotten very little actual useful information, but the outing was still worth it. Know thy enemy. And now that he felt he knew the human Mikaela Banes a whole lot better, it would be simple to twist and use the information in a way to suit his purposes._

_There was also another option he and the others had not considered before. The families. The blood ties between the targets and their close ones could also be taken advantage of. That annoying Witwicky child had a family, his creators and that rodent they called Mojo that he cared very much for. What would he sacrifice for their safe return?_

_He'd have to mention this prospect to the others… _

"_In war, the way is to avoid what is strong and to strike at what is weak." _

_The humans had a point. Strike at the weak points and even the mighty would fall._


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own TF or any recognizable characters, songs, movie quotes, or food I might mention. I own my OFC though. No stealy Malena.

* * *

**(3)**

Six hours.

Only six hours of dreamless peace before multiple rude awakenings.

First, Sam called to see if I was alright, and to apologize for last night's squabble. In spite of my aching body and still-muzzy head, I listened to him, and promised to meet him and Bee later today. We hung up and my heart felt just a little bit lighter. My head on the other hand felt like someone strapped a 20 pound weight to it, so I let it sink back onto my pillow and dozed again.

The second awakening was, of course, Jazz, calling out of pure maliciousness, blasting the most loud, eardrum-piercing music he could through the speakers. I threatened to paint him orange and hung up.

Then one of mom's friends called.

Then a salesman. By then my sister was awake and furious and I had to physically restrain her from ripping the phone off the wall.

ring!

The inhuman growl that erupted from Malena would have scared me but I was pretty much used to it. She rushed over, snatched up the phone and yelled, "CALL AGAIN AND I'LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN THIGHBONE!" then slammed the phone back on the hook and huffed.

Do not mess with the Banes family in the morning. Or… around noon. Yeah. Don't mess with the Banes around noon.

"Sis, what if that was my boss?" That would be just so typical to be called in on my day off… _ooooh, or better yet, what if that was Prime? _I had to hold in a snort of laughter just imagining his face…

"Even if it was, don't matter, you're mine for a while." She pointed at me, grinning despite her obvious aches.

_Cool! _"Screw it, not like he can fire me or anything." Which was true, I was the only competent tech they had at that shit-hole garage, and that said a lot. I walked off and slowly got changed, listening to Malena grumble and throw things in her own room.

_Oh I'd kill for a triple espresso right now…_

Twenty minutes later we were both relatively human looking and much more awake, but both dying for coffee. Malena grabbed her purse out from under the living room table and was digging through it for the keys to the car when there was another jangle of keys just outside the front door.

_Ooooooooooh shit._

The door creaked open and there stood our Mom, looking the worse for wear and barely any clothing. _I don't even want to know where her shirt went. _Her eyes only met mine for a second before she stumbled off towards her room, trailing the scent of old booze, tripping ungracefully over the edge of the couch and nearly collapsing on it. She skirted it with the practice of a long time drunk, and then slammed the door of her bedroom. We both heard the bedsprings protest when she landed.

The scowl on my sister would make even Ironhide quiver. Her eyes burnt holes though mom's bedroom door and the fist not holding the keys was clenched so tight her knuckles were white.

"Mikaela…" she paused only long enough to toss me her car keys, "go start the car. I'll be out in a minute."

_Full name means business…._ "Lena…"

"Now."

I gave her a final long look before walking quickly out of the house.

_She didn't even acknowledge Malena_. Not a nod, not a hello, and certainly not a big maternal hug and welcome home. Nothing. _Is she that far gone?_

I crawled into the Nova but didn't start it, not knowing how long Malena would be in there for and residual environmentalist gleanings had me not wanting to waste gas. Rolling down both windows to get some air, I watched the house for any signs of anything. I fully expected to see the walls shake or someone to go flying out one of the windows, but for the three minutes I watched, nothing happened. I expected to hear yelling too, but nothing.

_Maybe Malena took her out all quiet-like, like in the movies_,I thought, and then gave myself mental shit for having that fragment of near joy at the idea. Bitch or not, she was still my mom.

"Mikki?"

I screeched hearing the voice pretty much right next to me. Jazz's hologram hopped back, hands raised, blue eyes amused. "Woah there girl, didn't mean to scare ya."

How he managed to look so damned perky this early was beyond me. _It's almost one in the afternoon, dumbass._ Nevertheless, his eyes were bright, he was smiling, hell, even his dark hair was perfect. No coffee needed.

_He doesn't have a morning routine, the lucky shit. All he has to do is poof, appear._ I thought jealously that I should get Ratchet to make me one so I could walk around butt naked all day and nobody would know. Would save on morning makeup routines before rushing off to school, that's for sure.

His eyes went from amused to concern. "Hey, what's… why are you crying?"

_Huh?_ I didn't even notice the wet trails down my cheeks til my fingers brushed them. I wiped them away and gave him a guilty smile. _Oh you wussy…_

He didn't believe my sudden cheerfulness for a second, frowning at me through the open window. "Did your sister do something? Shit, I knew I shouldn't have left you alone last night. Where is she, I'll fry her ass." The Solstice behind me revved loud enough for half the neighbourhood to hear.

I had to calm him down before he literally drove through the house and flattened my family. "No! It wasn't her, she didn't do anythi…"

**BAM!**

_Well, it had to happen sooner or later._ My gaze fell on the still shuddering wall, the one sheltering Mom's room. I couldn't tell if it was from body impact or something inanimate, but it was loud enough to get Jazz's attention away from me for just a moment.

"What in the name of Primus is going on in there?"

He just might have gone in there to investigate if I didn't hit him in the gut with the driver's door getting out. His surprisingly physically-accurate hologram was bent over holding his middle, looking at me accusingly. "You did that on purpose."

"'s what you get for waking me up so early." I chirped innocently, giving him a pat on the head.

"Watch the hair, bitch!" He ducked out of the way and playfully mussed mine up.

It would have been _on_ right then and there in the middle of the street if the wall didn't shudder again. We both stopped moving and just stared.

I headed him off before he could even open his mouth. "Don't ask…"

"But…"

"Shoosh."

"Mik…"

"No."

Jazz growled and made a show of stomping back to his real form like a brat denied candy. _Just great. He's gonna just sit there and have a giant robotic pout until I tell him what's up._

I caught up to him before his holo could fizzle out and grabbed his arm. "Don't be mad." I pleaded, putting on my 'kicked puppy' face, "It's just Malena and my Mom."

"Your mom's finally home?" The disgusted look that crossed his features would have offended me if I didn't halfway agree with him. I told him a little… a lot… about the past few months with Mom, and he was understandably pissed off with her. Sometimes I thought telling him was a mistake, but it really was nice to have someone to talk to about it. Jazz was a good listener despite his front of being a 'player-tough-guy-soldier from space'. It was him that helped me dispose of all the booze in the house, which resulted in mom's current four day bender. That probably wasn't the best idea…

_I should have grabbed the leftover Baileys… wait, there isn't any left over._ I couldn't help but smile inside thinking that Malena had the forethought to bring her own booze. Mom drank crap anyways.

Jazz took my silence as an affirmative, and looked again at the house. "And… what, your sister's in there… doing what?"

I shrugged. She was either: kicking mom's ass, telling her off, or getting her ass kicked _by_ mom for delaying her nap. Or all three.

"Wanna find out?" Jazz asked, suddenly grinning.

"How?" I envisioned us both tromping through the bushes like a couple of hard up perverts and choked.

"Get in." Jazz actually fizzled out right there and I looked around the block to see if anyone might have seen it, but saw nobody.

"You're not going to drive through the house are you?" I teased, whacking his door with my butt.

"_Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine cuz I can't concentrate when you do that."_

It took me four seconds. "_Big Trouble In Little China_. Bitch." I kicked his front tire lightly.

"Damn." His engine growled but he popped his door open.

Like Bumblebee, at times Jazz liked to communicate with something other than his own voice… but instead of cheesy pop from the 80's, Jazz took from everything… movies, music of all types, clips from speeches… everything. Mostly movies though. He thought using music was 'copying Bee' so he didn't do that as much. I started guessing where the clips were from for fun, and for three days now he'd been trying to stump me. Good thing my sister warped my mind with movies since, well, birth, otherwise Jazz'd have one more thing to gloat about.

I got comfortable in the 'drivers seat', wondering how the hell he somehow always smelled like 'new car' despite all the crap he did all day, including toting me around with smelly fast food.

"Just gimme a seconnnnnnd… aaaaaaaaand… there!"

Suddenly the sounds of the interior of my house filled the interior of my Autobot protector/very big brother.

"Slag it, wrong room… click… there."

"_..what's going on with her lately, or have you been too fuckin' drunk to notice?"_

To say I was shocked was an understatement. "WHAT THE…Jazz? How… You've been eavesdropping on me?!" I whacked his steering wheel so hard he honked.

"Heh, do that again!" I could hear the sex-fiend just oozing out of his voice.

"Oh shut up. Masochist." _Damn it. _I couldn't stay mad at him, not for more than three seconds. Bastard always got me either grinning or blushing like a maiden.

"I put audio sensors around the house… juuuust for security purposes." He emphasized the last part loudly to override my protest. "And no, I didn't put any in your bathroom OR your room. I'm not THAT desperate."

I almost whacked him one again, but my sister stopped me.

"_Did you even know she was out last night, walking alone down the fucking highway? No? Didn't think so."_

"_Sheza grown girl nowwww, she take care of herselfffff…"_

"_Let's hear you say that when you find her in a ditch after some asshole truckers get a hold of her."_

I couldn't say a thing, and Jazz being, well, how he is, knew to keep his mouth (or whatever it was in alt-mode) shut and just listen.

My sister sighed. _"You know what? Nevermind. We'll talk when or if you ever sober up long enough for a decent conversation. Til then, I'll see about temporarily moving Mikki in with me."_

"_My ass you will!"_

"_It's her choice, as you said she's a grown girl now. And I'll do everything in my power to encourage her to leave _your ass_ here to rot in your booze til you smarten the fuck up. Girl has enough on her shoulders as it is. _You_ should be taking care of _her_, not the other way around,"_ my sister practically yelled.

Jazz growled. "Amen, sista."

"Shhh."

There was the sound of creaking bedsprings and another sigh. _"Look, mom, I love you, I do… but…she's had to grow up too fucking fast… what with dad… and you… and hell, I wasn't exactly the most reliable bitch either when we were growing up… she needs some sort of stability right now. And she's not going to get it staying here. I'm not the best choice but at least I'm sticking around for a while. Long enough for her to get off to college and get the fuck out of Tranquility. She's better than this place, and better than you or me…"_

I felt the tears this time.

"_Just… please… for both your sakes… sober up. Get cleaned up. Get a job. Do something. You owe her that at least." _Another creak of bedsprings. Mom kept silent, my sister went on, her voice fading as she got farther away from the receiver Jazz had planted. _"I'm going to pack a bag for a couple days for her… we're… here… just ask for room 114, after that I'll have my own place. We'll talk then."_

A door shut, softly instead of a slam, and a sob was heard. Jazz wisely shut off the speakers and his interior went deathly quiet.

"Mikaela?"

_Mom…_

"Your sister'll be out here in a minute…"

_With a bag… with my stuff… _

"Mouse?"

"Don't call me that." I said on auto-reply.

The AC turned on full blast suddenly and he shook my seat, jolting me immediately out of la-la land. "Sorry, but if she sees ya cryin' and she'll know we were listenin' in."

_Shit… he's right._ Thank goodness for his logic processors. I used the rear-view mirror to wipe off the mascara trails and did my best to not look like I'd just overheard…whatever that was… I hadn't fully digested it yet.

"Thanks Jazz. I owe you a wash."

"Nah, just doin' my job."

"You're getting a wash anyway." I patted the dash.

"Mmmmm. Okay… but only if you get your sister to help. Rawr!"

"Jazz!" _Insatiable pile of rusted metal…_

"Gotcha smilin'!"

I groaned and popped his door open, getting out just in time to see my sister exit the house. She gave me a wary look, quirking an eyebrow at the car. Jazz's hologram reached out and shut the driver's side door, grinning like a lunatic. _Oh god it looks like I just got off his lap! _

"Explain THIS one away."

"Slaghead." Once again I kicked his tire, harder this time.

Malena glared at Jazz all the way down the front sidewalk, around the car, the entire time she was throwing bags into the trunk (including my schoolbooks and my suitcase) then shifted her glare to me once we were both safely inside her Nova.

"Just what in the fuck were you just doing?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, he was in the passenger seat til a minute ago."

"You sure?" Malena quirked a suspicious brow at me. "I don't have to go up there and destroy that beautiful car cause the owner's a cradle-robber, do I?"

"NO! Lena, please, he's just a friend, a very good friend. Like you but with a penis." _Did they even HAVE penises? Or… whatever? Something to add to the 'stupid shit to ask Ratchet' list._

"Oh… okay then." If there was anything my sister understood, it was friendship between males and females. Her best friend through high school was a guy and mom was always on her ass about it, even though they'd never even kissed, just tinkered with cars and blew stuff up in videogames.

She cranked it and we zoomed off together with Jazz lingering behind us. He texted a minute later, asking if he could come when I met up later with Sam so he could gossip with Bee. I had no problem with that and told him so.

He caught up alongside us again, revved his engine, winked at my sister again, and shot off ahead of us, disappearing around a corner four blocks down. _Exit stage right, bye bye pimp-daddy bot._ I had to grin.

My sister just shook her head. "Mr. Boneable's gonna get in a wreck if he keeps driving like that."

"Like you drive any better."

That shut her up. For about four seconds.

"Mikki… we gotta talk."


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own shit. Don't sue me.

* * *

**(4)**

Within the hour we'd been filled with McBreakfast and found a decent drive-through coffee joint that served plain ol' black coffee AND my much desired triple espresso, and were on our way to the hotel Malena had called ahead and booked for the next two days.

She was surprisingly gentle when we discussed her plans for me, giving me a chance to have my own input (which was a first) and making concessions to when I was allowed to run free to see my friends, go work, do homework, etc. I almost assumed she'd be all "You're comin' with me, bitch!" but no. I made a show of thinking it over for a minute while I chewed my food, but I'd already made my decision while sitting earlier in Jazz. It wasn't like I was abandoning mom or anything, it was only for a couple of days, and after that, who knows, things might change. Being out of that house for something OTHER than the end of the world via giant evil robots might shift my perspective a little more. I could barely get my homework done, sleep, work a part time job so we could eat and go to school _on top of_ taking care of mom's near-daily hangovers and having to cover for her all the time.

It wasn't really, but it felt like a vacation. Two days away. Sort of.

Good enough. That and I got to spend a couple days at least with the sister I hadn't seen since Christmas.

We got settled in the hotel room, a decent sized one with two beds and a pool outside, which made me stare suspiciously at my sister for a few minutes as she unpacked her bag. I'd been expecting some shit-hole roadside hotel that charged by the hour. _She can't afford a place like this!_ I kept my questions to myself though; she didn't look like she was in the mood yet to argue. The coffee hadn't kicked in.

It was her that brought up Sam, so when I told her I was meeting him around supper-time to talk, she smiled and told me to shower and get ready, then threw herself on her bed (the bitch took the one closest to the window, dammit!) and switched on the T.V.

"Ooooh, cable porn!" She cried with a little too much enthusiasm. I ran from the room before I could see anything… fleshy and weird, all to the sounds of my sister's cackling. "I'm just kidding, you prude!"

Two hours later, refreshed, properly caffeinated, and dressed for relaxation in a pair of dark jeans (which my sister insisted on, saying 'can't do a high-kick in a miniskirt') and a strategically ripped up white tank-top emblazoned with a chick holding a wrench and my 'ass-kicking boots', we headed out to her car once again, squinting our eyes against the sun.

Malena had her own 'shit to do' so she dropped me off in front of the mall, giving me a set of hotel room keys and a warning, "don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"So that leaves pretty much anything wide open, huh?"

She growled… "Shaddap… okay, don't do anything I wouldn't do SOBER."

I grinned. "Got it."

She peeled off in a cloud of dust and chrome, but not before yelling "See you tonight, Mouse! Home by eleven!"

I spent a moment wiping road-dust off my threads, cursing Malena, her car, her shoes, and that goddamn nickname.

"Mouse?"

I started, not even hearing the now-shaking in laughter yellow Camaro and his young passenger who also happened to be my skinny-yet-cute boyfriend sneak up to park behind me. Sam withered as I glowered at him, but perked up when I gave him a welcome hug.

"Don't ask." I groaned, giving him one last squeeze around the waist before giving him a quick peck on the cheek, then turned to say hi to Bee.

"Hey gorgeous."

"_Well buzz buzz buzz goes the bumble bee  
A twiddledeedledee goes a bird  
But the sound of your little voice, darling,  
It's the sweetest sound I've ever heard."_

"Quit trying to smooth-talk my girlfriend. Traitor." Sam put a possessive arm around me, but smiled to let us both know he was joking.

"_She's mine, she's mine, she's mine, she's mine." _Bee insisted, giving a little engine rev.

They'd been doing this for a few days now, ever since I gave Bee a full on wash and wax (to his very loud and visible enjoyment). Sam jokingly asked if I'd do the same for him and the game was on. Now Bee just did it to bug Sam, but it was cute all the same. The claim of ownership didn't even bug me, I knew Bee didn't mean it that way.

"No no, you're both wrong. You're MINE." I claimed, pinching Sam's ass and making him squeak, at the same time giving Bee a rather non-innocent caress on the rear end. Then without another word, turned and walked off inside the mall, grinning devilishly the entire way.

"Woah…"

* * *

"_The target has been relocated."_

"_WHAT?! Did they spot you?"_

"_I doubt it. There's a new factor, a previously unknown relation. It was the one who moved the target, not the Autobots."_

"_Fuck."_

"_You've been watching too many human movies."_

"_Shut it, tiny."_

"_We'll see how tiny I am when I remove your legs, Blackout."_

"_Will b-b-both of you shut it! I want OUT!"_

"_Not until he finishes recalibrating your motor functions. Til then, behave."_

"_M-m-m-make me, piggie."_

"_Piggie?"_

* * *

"That was her? In the Nova?" Sam's big brown eyes were wide and a little shocked. "We were pullin' up when she left, and I swear she said Bee had a nice ass."

I laughed and shook my head, "Oh yeah, that was her. She's always had a thing for 'Car-butts'."

"_Car butts_?" By now he was sniggering into his fountain drink too. "At least I know where YOU get it from."

"Pardon?"

"Feelin' on Bee's ass like that… desirin' a butt finer than mine…" He fluttered his lashes like an offended damsel, thrusting a dramatic hand to his forehead.

I scoffed in mock indignation, but played along, "I can't help it, it's the perfect shape, and hard, just how I like em…" I purred and faked a far off admiration expression.

"I'm telling him you said that."

"Don't you dare!" I threatened to chuck a fry at him and he relented.

We spent a couple of hours browsing through the shops, mostly scanning movies and videogames and twice, with successful use of the 'kicked puppy look', clothing shops. Naturally Sam went and found the most revealing clothes he could find and held em up for inspection (once on himself just to see, making both me and the poor saleslady laugh). "Sam, babe, baby pink is NOT your colour."

Sam took off for a minute to use the 'little boy's room' as he called it and I took the opportunity to run back to one of the stores and make a quick secret purchase, smiling the entire time. It took a chunk of my pay check but the outcome would be _soooo_ worth it.

By the time we were finished messing around my feet were absolutely killing me and I had a coffee-craving rivalling the average coke-head, so we ditched the mall and headed out to the lot where we'd left Bee, finding him sitting there next to a silver Solstice.

"So what are you boys gossiping about now?" I asked, patting Jazz on the hood and winking at Bee.

"Mech stuff." Was Jazz's evasive response as he climbed out of his own back seat, looking as innocent as can be.

"Uh huh." Totally unconvinced. Sam looked at Bee with a smirk, just waiting for him to crack.

"Yeah, umm, how to get rust off, decent waxes, tire treads, that kind of stuff."

"Sure." I crossed my arms and had a stare-down with Jazz… which was difficult considering he didn't have to blink and was a foot taller than me.

"I've been stared down by _Prime_, girlie, you won't win." He also crossed his arms and leaned up against… himself (which still sort of blew my brain if I over-thought it).

"Got you a present!"

That made him blink.

"I win." Distraction is triumphant!

"Damn."

Sam and Bee just stayed silent, watching us as I dug through my multiple bags for my present for Jazz.

"What'd you get me, what'd you get me?" Jazz repeated, acting so much like an over-excited kid at Christmas that I had to mess with him. It was fun to watch him change from protective older brother-slash-guardian to what Ironhide liked to call 'newly sparked little hellion' mode.

I looked at him with complete seriousness. "Poop."

"WHAT?!"

"A big green hat with a feather so you can look like a real pimp."

"…"

"Coal."

"Yup, her sister's definitely having an influence," said Bee's scratchy electronic voice.

_Bingo!_ "AHA! I knew you guys were gossiping about her." I found the present nestled between my new Death Proof soundtrack and a bra.

"Is that…" Jazz's eyes went all wide and his engine revved. Bee's holo appeared beside us, wrestling for room to see with Sam. They'd have resorted to girly hand-smacking if I hadn't butted them with… well, my butt.

"It is." I grinned. It was really a gift for the lot of them, but Jazz was the most addicted to online gaming. I yanked the present out of my bag and watched three sets of eyes widen in glee.

"HALO 3?!"

Funny how the little things can end up with me on the bottom of a happy boy-pile on Jazz's hood. If only my sister could see me now.

"Best. Girlfriend. EVER." I got a big wet smooch on the cheek from my over-grateful boyfriend and mentally smacked myself for ever considering breaking it off with him.

Giggling, I couldn't resist ribbing him. "Say that when I own your ass with my sniper."

* * *

_Barricade was getting bored._

_Bored was NOT good. Bored usually caused him to do something stupid. Bored made him get caught on video singing old Cybertronian bar songs while on recon (Frenzy never did let him off the hook for that one). Bored made him think about why he was in this situation in the first place. Bored… was depressing._

_It didn't help that most of what he saw all day and into the evening was the back end of a gunmetal grey Chevy Nova weaving in and out of traffic, or the outside of stores, apartment buildings, warehouses, restaurants, and the drive-through of a coffee shop three times. Barricade wondered, after doing some quick research, how one small human female consumed that much coffee and didn't end up babbling and twitching as much as his partner did. _

_The only thing that made this surveillance any fun was when the female spotted him…. And led him on a very quiet yet merry chase around town. He didn't flip on his sirens, didn't make any change in speed except to keep pace with her. She didn't actively 'run' away from him, and he didn't actively 'chase' her… but they were very aware of each other, and she did a fine job in evading him. It seemed she did not like the local law enforcement and it made Barricade curious. Most humans had a sense of trust for the police, whereas this one tried to avoid being seen by them. So while he tailed her around town he also quickly looked her up on the Internet but found very little pertinent information. Yet another instance he wished he had Frenzy around with him. The little hacker had a knack for finding the tiniest piece of information in places unreachable._

_Barricade had no clue how she did it, but he watched her turn into an alley two blocks away, and he sped up to catch up with her… only to find her completely gone. Even worse, he made a circuit around the block, then around a three block square area, searching for the telltale thump of the bass of her stereo system, even a hint of the paintjob, and there was absolutely nothing. Even when he tuned in to the frequency of the audio sensors he'd planted all over her car the night before he was met with dead silence. _

'_Slag.'_

_As luck would have it, and Barricade had enough years of experience to believe in luck, he spotted her in another car, a yellow one with a series of numbers and a logo on the side. 'Taxi' was the term the internet revealed, a coach with their own driver designated to transport humans from one place to another for a fee. _

_And a convenient way for her to ditch him. Smart human. It would have worked too if he hadn't happened to glance that way and see her._

_Not wishing to lose her again he followed, but from a distance. He hoped she believed she'd left him far behind, and it worked. The 'taxi' did not speed up or make any evasive manoeuvres, just drove normally into another run down part of town where the human disembarked, handing some thin leaflets to the driver, who then drove off leaving her there alone. Barricade nearly took this opportunity to snatch the girl and get the hell out of there, but an inner voice told him not to act rashly. He listened. The last time the voice told him to do something and he ignored it, he got his tailpipe kicked by, of all mechs, BUMBLEBEE… Blackout hadn't stopped ribbing him about that one yet._

_She scanned the street as if she was looking for something (likely himself) before straightening and walking across the dirty street to a dimly light building teeming with humans with strange hats and blue coloured pants. She looked quite out of place, yet somehow fit in. Her clothes were not the same, but her stance and the way she carried herself made the crowd seem to both welcome her into their ranks and keep their distance. _

_The female disappeared inside after handing over even more of those thin green leaflets to a male twice her size but only half as intimidating, if he read his posture right. _

_Barricade wasn't about to sit here doing nothing but watch the exterior, and he would said 'screw the mission' and left if there was anywhere go to but back to the base and his glitched out partner and even more glitched out team mate…_

…_so he parked closer to the building and activated his stupid holoform again. Nothing better to do…_

* * *

Yes, I wrote this after playing Halo 3 the first time. GUH.


	5. Chapter 5

"_I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!" - Jake Blues_

**(5)**

_From what he read on the internet, places like this did not welcome police, so as not to be noticed Barricade changed his looks from the standard 'male with moustache' to something more appropriate, scanning the fleshlings still milling about outside for suitable attire. He refused to wear one of those ridiculous hats though. _

_It took him ten minutes of waiting in line and damned near losing his patience for the twentieth time that day with the arrogant hirsute male fleshie stationed outside before he got in… and instantly regretted it._

_The music was terrible, twanging noises from a live musical group onstage wearing cow hide and more of those weird looking hats, the one in the lead singing something about his truck. The air was thick with smoke from multiple cigarettes and the scent of stale alcohol, and all around him, drunken angry macho males and half dressed hat-wearing females. The floor was strewn with broken bottles and semi-conscious fleshies. If there was a place in the Pit for Barricade, he thought it would be a little like this._

_He found his target sitting at the bar with a small glass of dark brown alcohol, keeping one eye on the crowd. Feeling a little daring after a day of near-perpetual boredom, he took a seat right next to her and ordered a 'beer' when the bartender addressed him. He thanked every deity in the universe that his malfunctioning holoform was incapable of consuming anything but still physically solid. If the establishment was this dank and dirty, he could only imagine what their beverages were like_

_Up close she looked very similar to the Autobot ally Mikaela Banes, but older, a little taller, and much more worn. When she glanced at him he saw her eyes were a different colour, where the younger's were a mix of blue and green, the elders were brown. But that's where the physical differences ended. _

_Not that it pertained in any way to the mission, but it was interesting to observe familial traits manifest themselves in offspring. Cybertronian sparklings did not share physical traits with their creators unless the creators themselves designed them that way. But that was a conscious decision, not a process of genetics like it was with the organics. _

_He was so busy speculating on human genetics that he hadn't even noticed that his target's attention was on him until she cleared her throat. He must have been staring quite intensely at the side of her head for a few solid minutes and mentally berated himself for the mistake. _

"_You got something you want to say to me?" She sneered, staring Barricade right in the eye, challenging him. In any other situation he'd take the puny female up on that challenge, whatever it was, but he was supposed to be laying low, observing, not actively confronting the target yet, so he backed down. Utilizing his rarely used voice he replied in the negative and pretended to turn his attention back to his beer. Satisfied, she turned away and focused back on the crowd. _

_They remained that way for a few more minutes, Barricade simultaneously watching her write on a pad of paper and the keeping an eye on his surroundings. Finally a loud noise caught both of their attentions and the Decepticon watched, fascinated, as the first human bar fight he'd ever laid optics on happened less than twenty feet away. _

_The female next to him spun all the way around on her stool to watch, so he did the same, and went back and forth from observing her reactions (which ranged from amused to chagrined) to watching the fight itself._

_Four large males were totally pounding on a thinner light-haired male, using everything from beer bottles to bar stools. Barricade was astounded when the little male took every hit and still had the strength to fight back, and rather effectively as well. He'd take the broken bits of table and smack his attackers with them. When he was knocked to the floor he'd take out the enemy's legs. He used every single part of his body to fight, and he might just have turned out the winner if one of his four attackers hadn't restrained his arms. _

"_Shit."_

_The female moved quickly. In a second she had shed her coat and jumped into the miniature battle, and Barricade was frozen watching her one by one disable the other attackers by either hitting them in the head with pool cues, beer bottles or chair legs, then went to face the last one. He could have laughed when the restrained human grinned and tried nod a hello. This reminded him so much of the old days when he'd have to save mouthy cadets from getting offlined by mechs much bigger and much more drunk than they… same guilty-yet-still-having-fun look._

"_Hammond, what the fuck'd you do this time?" _

"_Nothing!" _

"_Uh huh, and I'm the reincarnation of the Virgin Mary…" The female sighed irritably, ignoring the growing crowd surrounding her; including two of the three males she knocked offline. "We have to talk."_

"_I'm a little busy at the moment, Banes."_

_The fourth attacker, wearing a black hat and bearing a moustache much similar to his old hologram, looked bewildered and a very impatient. "Someone shut this bitch up!"_

_Barricade watched the female's temperature rise and the one she'd called 'Hammond' smirk. "Oh, you're in for it now, fuckface."_

_In three seconds flat the area exploded into another battle, this time more than thirty people were in on it, Barricade included only because some drunken male accidentally missed his intended target and struck him in the cheek instead. That called for retaliation. _

'_Now THIS is fun!' the holographic Decepticon thought gleefully as he lifted one human right off the floor above his head and slammed him into another two that were about to hit Banes (wait…when had he changed her name from Fleshie to Banes?) with a tabletop. She gave him a grin in thanks and jumped back into the fray, attacking the males surrounding her friend. He did not care if the female got hurt, but it _would_ delay any information gathering… and he had to admit, it was fun to throw these insects around and not get immediately attacked by Autobots. _

"_COPS!" Someone yelled, and instantly everyone in the bar scattered, making quick grabs for jackets and bags and running for the exits. Not wanting to be singled out, Barricade did the same, following Banes and the blonde male out of the bar and onto the street._

_A pack of ten, including himself, Banes, Hammond and some of the other fighters ran or stumbled down the nearest back alley, mostly laughing and congratulating each other on a fight well done. Even Barricade found he enjoyed the fight, the first real one in a month, and didn't even mind when one drunken fleshie pounded his back and stated he 'kicked some serious cowboy ass'. _

_Once their little pack dispersed, he slowly followed his target down another alley, shifting back to his Moustached Cop holoform so he wouldn't be delayed, and tried to rein in the rush he still had from tossing the drunk humans around, at the same time, driving his real form closer so his hologram didn't fizzle out from being too far out of range. He'd be exhausted and in serious need of a long recharge after this, but he had to admit it to himself, the fight alone made all the trouble worth it._

_Half a mile away from the bar, the two stopped, panting and still laughing, arms around each other's shoulders and leaned against a brick wall. Barricade let his holoform disappear and just drove closer, using his audio sensors to pick up the conversation._

"…_owe you…"_

"_Fucking rights you do… this was a new shirt… and how am I going to explain a black eye to my baby sister?"_

"_Ummmmm…"_

"_Not even in town two days and I already have to pull your ass out of the grinder."_

"_I had to meet a contact!"_

_The target made a strange snorting sound. "Figures. Look Hammond, I need a couple of favours."_

"_Name em girlie."_

"_I need a job." She paused for a moment. "A legit one."_

_Interesting._

"_Oh. Hmmmm…There's a few places looking, I'll ask around and contact you. Next?"_

_The female stumbled over her words for a minute._

"_Spit it out, would ya?"_

"_Fine…" She paused again. "No bullshit. You work downtown, you see everything, and for what you don't know, you know someone who does. This is important to me."_

"_Fucksakes woman, what is it?"_

"_I need to know everything about what happened in Mission City three weeks ago."_

"_The fake shit they put on the news, or the real deal?"_

"_What do you think?"_

_So she doesn't know… and if she didn't, maybe the other families didn't either…_

"_That's a tall order, Banes." _

"_Is that a no?" _

_A moment of hesitation, then, "Didn't say that. Gimme a few days and I'll see what info I can gather."_

"_Thanks."_

"_Anything else?"_

_She laughed, "A ride to my car? I had to ditch it on the other side of town, some pig was tailing me."_

* * *

After spending another two hours with the boys, talking video game tactics and arguing with Jazz over which was the better vengeance movie, Kill Bill or Mad Max, I bade Sam and Bee good evening and Jazz offered me a ride back to the hotel. I felt bad for the two of them, being more or less stuck in alt-mode all day, unable to transform and stretch their legs, but they seemed to take it all in stride, Bee saying "I don't mind, at least this way I can get you looking at my butt."

Sam beat a hasty retreat into Bee's interior before I could lay my hands on him.

"Speaking of vengeance, watch your back Ladiesman." I growled, watching the yellow Camaro shoot away down the street and already plotting a way to get back at the skinny little…

"So…" Jazz interrupted my scheming, "You wanna go back to the hotel or…" He left it open.

Which meant he wanted something.

"Up to you big guy, as long as I'm back by 11."

Jazz popped his door open and I slid in the driver's seat, smiling. Sometimes I had trouble getting my mind around being friends with giant mechanical aliens, but all the same I was glad it happened. Might have screwed my life up a little but it was all worth it when I got to relax in the warm leather seats of my friend who was also a sexy-ass Solstice with a thing for kung fu movies.

Aaaaaaaand that just sounded weird.

_Meh._

We cruised aimlessly around town for awhile saying absolutely nothing, just enjoying the feel of the road. It was peaceful. I was content to sit there, pretending to drive but really staring out the window at the passing streetlights, and listen to relaxing music (that suspiciously sounded like Enigma) coming from Jazz's speakers. It wouldn't last much longer, I knew Jazz had something on his mind and it'd take him time to work up the nerve to say it. So I just kept my mouth shut and snuggled deeper into the seat.

It took him a full circuit around the city to finally start talking, and by then I was nearly asleep from the gentle roll and mind-settling music. The past couple of days had been physically and emotionally exhausting, and, well, add on only six hours of sleep AND a hangover? Yeah.

Jazz's sudden question jolted me out of my daze.

"Ya not mad at us anymore?"

"Hmmm?"

"You. Pissed off." He said slowly, amused that it took me so long to wake up. "I seem to remember someone telling us to kiss her ass last night."

"Oh…" _Prime's face was priceless._ "Yeah…"

"And?"

_Groan._ "And what? You guys pissed me off."

"No shit."

"So?" If he expected an apology he was in for a long-ass wait.

"What? I'm just sayin'… last night ya looked like you'd rip us all a new exhaust port, today yer all sunshine and presents."

I didn't have the strength to get all pissy again, but if he wanted to play it like this, that was fine by me. "Well hey, if you don't want Halo I'll..."

"NO!"

_Hah! _"Then quit being a penis and get to the point… or kiss my ass." I smirked, poking the dash.

"Later. So yer not pissed off anymore?"

I thought a moment… Honestly? "No, not pissed. Just mildly annoyed, but feeling better."

"Hormones?"

"What?!"

"Don't you females go through hormonal mood swings once a month?"

"NO! Well, yes… but that's not it! Men. What is it with you blaming PMS whenever we get validly angry?"

"_Prime to Jazz."_

The communication interrupted anything Jazz had to say in rebuttal. '_You lucky…'_ I crossed my arms and huffed, glaring at Jazz's steering wheel as if I could melt it with my mind.

"I have a feeling Captain Killjoy just saved my ass." Jazz mumbled.

"_I heard that."_


	6. Chapter 6

I still don't own anything but Malena.

More plotless fun. I know, this thing starts off slow, but it does get more action oriented sooner or later. What fascinates me about this whole Universe is the underlying stuff. In movies, you see shit get blown up and all is right with the world. What I like is how the 'alien' interacts with the 'normal', or vice versa, and how they blend, who adopts what, how ideas cross… and some of the silly shit that can and would happen. I like the little stuff, cause shit, that's what makes life interesting.

Enough nonsensical ranting. On with the brainspew!

* * *

"_Well, get in and I'll let you feel it... I mean, you know, you can touch it... uh... I'll let you feel the upholstery..." American Graphiti_

**(6)**

Jazz hastily drove away after dropping me off back at the hotel, anxious to get back to the base but also a little afraid of Prime's retribution for calling him Captain Killjoy (a moniker that I knew was going to stick). He hadn't gotten to what he really wanted to talk about while we cruised, but in a way I was thankful. If it had gotten much worse than his 'female hormone' assumptions I just might have purposely done something nasty to his interior.

The call from Prime worried me though. He'd not called Jazz back like that since he came back online, and his tone held a concealed hint of anxiousness that made me distinctly wary. Jazz assured me it was probably nothing; another 'sighting' that had to be checked out… but still. I worried for him. He wasn't in top form yet, and Ratchet said that he wasn't to engage in ANY fights whatsoever til all the kinks were worked out. If something big happened…

My sister still wasn't back yet from whatever the hell she had to do, so I took the alone time to take a nice long bath and relax. And think.

Why wasn't I still mad at those guys?

Jazz was easy. He was my friend, more so than any of the others, including Bee. I could never stay mad at him. And really, he didn't say or do anything to piss me off last night. It was the others.

So why…

Malena helped, that's for sure. Not so much with advice but just having someone there to bitch to made things easier. It was freeing, knowing whatever I said to her would be kept private and had NO way of getting back to the Autobots. Spewing my anger helped relieve it.

And really, this morning was bad enough that anything said and done last night felt trivial in comparison. I'd take robots with superiority complexes and immature boyfriends happily over a drunk mother any day.

Half an hour later, Malena still wasn't back and I'd finished my Calculus homework. Homework on a Saturday night? Ugh. My new-found geekery astounded me. Well, at least it was over with and I could spend the rest of the weekend messing around with my sister and my boyfriend. Maybe we could play Halo tomorrow?

It was midnight before the roar of a now-familiar engine sounded outside. I restrained myself from hopping off my bed to go greet her, feeling more or less like a little kid for it. But when she stumbled in the door looking like she'd been rolled by a gang of sewer-dwelling hobos I near shot off the bed to get to her.

I sort of wished I had scanners like Ratchet while I looked over her injuries, which included a black eye, torn shirt, and a cut on one arm… and that was only the visible ones. "What the fuck happened to you?!" I winced when my voice squeaked from the strain.

"Woah, woah, get offa me! I'm fine!" She laughed, grabbing me by my forearms and pushing me back a little. I could have screamed, she was taking this too damned lightly.

"Fine my ass!" I slugged her in the shoulder.

"I'm sure Sam thinks so."

That one threw me for a loop. I went limp in her grasp and a giggle escaped. _How the hell does she do that?_ "Oh shut up!"

"Make me." She paused. "Nix that. Don't. I don't think I can take ya right now." She dropped a previously unnoticed bag of take out on the table between our beds.

_Mmmm, food_. I dug through without asking and pulled out the first thing, a triple cheeseburger. _Oh, to hell with my diet._ "Damn straight. You look like shit."

"Why thank you dear sister, I feel so much better." Malena flopped on her bed and groaned.

"What the fuck happened?" I asked between mouthfuls.

"Aliens abducted me. You know, the usual. Anal probe, bondage, lots of mating, got a little rough."

It almost didn't occur to me that she was messing with me, what with my best friend being an alien and all. Suddenly I was accosted with the image of Barricade doing an anal probe and felt a wee bit nauseous. They never did find him after Mission City…

_shudder_

She took my sudden silence seriously. "Just fuckin' kidding, Mouse!"

I snapped out of it. Of course she was. _Umm…_ "Hey, with YOU, ya never know. Your ass is well known by earthlings and Martians alike."

My sister's dirty look told me it worked. _I'd like to thank the Academy for bestowing this award on my lyin' ass…_

Before I could interrogate her further, she side-tracked me with 'how was your day' stuff. I told her about meeting up with Sam and 'the boys', smiling when I told her about the Happy Boy Pile I got when I gave them Halo 3, and assured her that I finished my homework. She waved that off and got me to tell her details about the boy-pile.

"Lena, seriously, you gotta get laid."

"My Martian-loved ass couldn't take it right now."

* * *

"_What happened to you?" was the first thing asked when Barricade stomped back into the base. He was worn out, exhausted, and a little bitchy from lack of refuel and recharge, but also satisfied with the day's work AND the chance to get into a fight. The past month of sitting around waiting and self-repairing, and, though he'd never admit it aloud, worrying about his partner, had taken a toll on him and the night out fighting and doing at least _something_ productive made him feel a whole lot better about life. He practically swaggered into the base, pleased that he had some news to report. No more being useless, invalid, bored…_

_Blackout was sitting cross-legged on the floor tinkering with something, looking dirty and impatient and still missing a few bits of armour, but he stared incredulously at the black and white Mech like he'd just devoted his undying Spark to him. Frenzy was nowhere to be seen, but that didn't mean much. The little slagger was small enough to hide pretty much anywhere and moved like the wind._

_Barricade shrugged. "Got in a bar-fight." '_Like that's an every-day occurrence here…'

"_What? No, I mean that!" Blackout pointed at left arm. _

_He had to twist his arm bizarrely to get a look at whatever the glitched-out bastard was smirking at, and immediately froze in horror and rage._

_Some…. Some HUMAN… had spray-painted a bright pink pig just above the 'POLICE' decal on his armour! Barricade sputtered wild curses in Cybertronian while Blackout sat there chuckling. "They got your other arm too…"_

_Mortified, he checked his other arm and stopped, infuriated. 'Run Piggy Piggy Run?' _

_When had they done this to him? Why hadn't he noticed this earlier? Frantically he checked the rest of his body for further desecrations and ran self-diagnosis scans for sensor errors but didn't find any, which only confused him more. In any case, Barricade swore on the burnt out husk of Cybertron that the ones who did this to him would be hunted down and reduced to gooey red chunks by the end of the night. _

_The stream of vulgarity only went up another four notches when Frenzy came in and fell over in the middle of a high-pitched cackling fit. "They g-g-got you good, Cadecade!"_

"_Get slagged." He yelled behind him, tromping back outside to find something so he could scrub this crap off. He couldn't even be happy his partner was up and running around, he was so slaggin' pissed. _

"_Report your findings when you get cleaned up, Piggie!"_

_Barricade just roared._

* * *

I awoke to someone shaking my shoulder, hard.

"Mikki. Mikki? … MOUSE!"

"Wuhdefuck… Lena?" My blurry gaze fell on my maniacally grinning sister.

She tore the blanket off me and I stiffened. Goddamn was it cold in here! In a flash she disappeared into the bathroom only to come out a minute later with one of the fuzzy hotel house-coats slung over an arm. "Here, put this on." Then she disappeared back into the bathroom again, leaving me to ooze out of bed, wrapping the robe around myself tight against the chill.

"Whas goin' on?" I slurred, shambling towards the bathroom, eyes squinted against the light streaming from the bare lightbulb. Lena near ran me over in her haste to get out of the small room, tying her hair back with an elastic band, mumbling something about coffee. There was a sense of urgency around her, but… she was smiling still. "Is there a fire?"

She scoffed. "No. There's a Hummer H3 outside. Midnight Blue."

My eyes widened in understanding. _Ooooooooooooooh…_ Then… _Oh. Shit. _Then a similar maniacal grin crossed my face as well. My sister echoed it. "You awake now, bitch?"

"Hell yeah. Let's get him."

_Operation:_ _Revenge of the Bunny_ was on.

* * *

We didn't hear the shrieking until near ten in the morning, but it was worth the sudden wakeup. Immediately we both leapt out of bed, wide awake and giggling, clutching our respective cameras. We flung the front curtains open and quietly rolled the window open enough for us to stick our cameras out and get a good angle, then SNAP. Malena's camera had a video option and great zoom, and she recorded the entire thing in total devious joy.

We watched from a good 70 feet away as Trent sobbed, circling his baby, his darling, his Hummer, taking in the 'damage'.

It took damn near three hours last night to accomplish and document. But very much worth it.

My sister's favourite had to have been painting "My Other Ride is Your Cock" in very large white letters between the tail-lights.

Mine had to be the painting of bunnies all over the windows with superglue and pink sparkles.

Operation: Revenge of the Bunny also included detachment of left rear tire, deflation, dissection, insertion of 2 quarters, patch, re-inflation, and reattachment. Resulting damage would be seen in a few days. That one took the most time but would be the most satisfying when Trent discovered it. Less damaging but still fun was the near invisible red-hot pepper sauce poured on all door-handles, and the one I couldn't wait to see the result of, the remaining sparkles carefully poured into the air intake vents below the windshield… he'd never get those out of the upholstery once he turned on the air conditioning...

When Trent's new cave-woman girlfriend came running into view only to witness a wailing jock and a defiled Hummer, we got her high-pitched temper tantrum all on camera, glad we were indoors, under-cover (sort of) and had free hands to keep our howls of laughter in.

Then, to top it all off, a bright yellow 2008 Concept Camaro and a hot-as-hell Silver Pontiac Solstice came shooting down the street, suddenly slamming on their brakes and skidding to a precarious halt not ten feet away from where we were both hiding. The driver's door of the Camaro blew open and the passenger tumbled out, gasping for breathe and bright red from the strain. The other doors opened as well and out came two holographic Autobots, both looking near tears, shoulders shaking from restrained laughter.

My sister stuck her head out the window and harshly whispered loud enough for them to hear. "Move over! You're blockin' our view!"

Sam and Bee quickly ducked and scooted to the side, but Malena waved them over. "You must be Sam. Good to meet ya. Get in here."

I grinned and reached over to unlock the door, and the three men practically fell into the room, weak from silent laughter. I hugged my hysterical boyfriend and gave the other two a big cheesy grin, then went back to taking snapshots out the window.

Jazz had absolutely NO clue who our victim was, but he still had this quivering smirk on his face. I'd told him about Trent and his stupid truck but not what he looked like or what make & model his truck was. Sam and Bee naturally knew the facts, and Sam especially would appreciate the attack. And he did, if the repetition of "Best.Girlfriend.Ever!" said anything.

"Shhh, Shhh! He's getting in!" Malena silenced us, signing for us all to get closer. In seconds, five heads were stuffed in the open window, two with advanced optics strong enough to zoom in even better than our cameras and infiltrate the windshield. I made a mental note to ask Jazz and Bee if they could take snapshots, and if so, did they get any…

All five of us heard Trent's faded scream when he started the truck, and, thankful that I remembered his stupid tendency to forget to turn his air conditioning off, was swiftly engulfed in a cloud of pink sparkles.

Malena dropped from her perch and crawled away, laughing too hard to say anything, merely handing me her camera. I stuck it back out the window and made sure it was still recording, glad that she moved because both cars parked outside were now shaking as badly as their holographic representations.

Ten minutes later, Trent and his newly dubbed "Cock-rider" Hummer were long gone and the five of us were splayed out in varied positions on the floor, pouring over video and what snapshots I could capture with my cell phone camera. Jazz and Malena took to each other quickly, her falling for his flirtatious nature and him glued to her side to see the video evidence of our night-time sabotage. She didn't even call him Mr. Boneable and accepted that we all called him Jazz without question. Bee of course pulled his 'I'm so sweet I must be butterscotch' routine and had Malena eating out of his hand within 20 seconds, and Sam only got called Captain Underpants once.

After the laughter died down enough for me to pick myself off my worn out boyfriend's chest, the boys told us they'd originally come by to surprise us by buying us breakfast. I gave Malena my best 'oh please oh please' look to which she only rolled her eyes and said "Oh cut that out, Mouse, of course you can go."

Jazz, the smoothy, slid to her side again, wrapped an arm around her waist (normally a suicidal move), exasperatedly stating "Oh, hell no, you're comin' too!", then pushed her lightly towards the bathroom so she could get changed. I was shocked to say the least. Malena never, and I mean NEVER, took guys schmoozing on her like that lightly. On any other occasion, Jazz would be flattened.

_I should get her defiling other people's property more often; it puts her in such an accommodating mood!_

Nevertheless, I couldn't let Jazz think he could get away with it, so I smacked him in the chest and told him to quit hitting on her.

In response he made sure to invite her to ride with him, mention how sexy women with battle wounds were, opened the door for her, and blatantly smirked at me as he peeled out of the hotel parking lot.

_Oh, you're soooo next on the hit-list, you smart-ass._

* * *

And before I get pounded by Trent-sympathizers, I'm with you. He's more than a two dimensional character, blah blah, I agree. BUT, its guys like him that made my childhood miserable and in my fantasy world, people like him get their comeuppance. LOL. That, and I hate hummers unless they're military.

Geez, I'm ranty today. Sorry.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey!

Yes, I'm updating this quickly. This might be the last chance for a couple days, since work is, well, horrible and I need my recovery time. Hahaha. Hope these next two will tide my readers over for a bit. Thanks for the reviews so far guys. –waves at sbanchs and darkness and caelum-

* * *

"Y'know one of the most beautiful things about a car? If it isn't working properly, you can strip the skin off, expose the insides, find out exactly where the trouble is, take out the faulty part and replace it with a new one. If only we could do that with people!" Grand Prix

**(7)**

I never thought I'd be sitting in a truck-stop diner munching on runny eggs and toast, seated across from two Autobots and my sister (who was happily sandwiched between them), talking with my boyfriend about the merits of good warm socks. I could almost hear the Twilight Zone music playing in the background.

"It's Nevada! We don't need socks." Sam stated adamantly, trying and failing miserably to impale his burnt bacon with a fork.

"It's fuckin' cold here at night. We lose most of our body heat through our feet, hands and head." Argued Malena, sipping on her fourth cup of coffee in the last half hour.

Bee, ever silent, just sat there glancing back and forth between his charge and my sister, enamoured with the conversation. His vocal processors had been significantly healed when he came in contact with the Allspark, but Bee claimed it hurt sometimes to use his voice and so didn't talk much, preferring to use the radio. Since he couldn't exactly do that in here, in public, and without scaring the shit out of my clueless sister, he kept his mouth shut. No doubt he would be nagging Sam about socks from here on out though. Procuring hats and a pair of warm driving gloves would be on the agenda as well.

On the other hand, I couldn't shut up Jazz with an entire roll of duct tape and a mallet to the head even if I wanted to.

"Ya mean to tell me ya ain't wearin' socks with them shoes, Sammy?"

I shuddered. "Remind me to carry air freshener in my purse from now on."

My sister perked up before Sam could defend himself. "Or just wear a Haz-Mat suit…"

"Oh come on…"

"Wonder how many mini-civilizations achieved flight yet in the stuff growing between his toes…?"

My sister snorted her coffee and Jazz casually handed her a napkin. Bee and I tried not to laugh but… not happening. Sam just crossed his arms and pouted. "Screw all of you."

Still giggling I one-arm hugged my glowering boyfriend and stabbed his bacon for him. He grumbled a thank you and gave Bee the finger, which was promptly returned.

"Bee!" I kicked him under the table and his blue eyes practically sparkled with amusement.

"Sam did it too, Mouse." Jazz pointed out. Malena laughed at the use of the evil nickname from hell, so while I glared at them both I smacked Sam upside the head.

"Bad."

That's when all hell broke loose and Bee started a kicking match under the table, getting me pretty hard for hitting his charge, then he got a kick from Lena, who got a kick from Sam… Jazz shrugged and kicked everyone.

The waiting staff didn't come near us for a while.

The conversation made a turn for the worse when Malena started asking the boys about themselves. I wasn't worried about the Autobots, not at all. Since Bee barely said anything she left him mostly alone, and Jazz could lie his big feet off, no problem (well, a little problem. Prime disapproved… but he wasn't here right now, was he?) No, they'd be fine. What worried me was Sam. I hoped with all my heart and soul that Malena would go easy on Sam … she liked to interrogate, and Sam was a terrible liar. She'd eat him alive.

She started with the standard questions and Jazz did a bang-up job of bullshitting his way through it. I hadn't told him the story I told Malena, but he danced his way around it. Apparently she already interrogated him in the car, and he said I saved him from death, a car accident that "almost ripped me in half". I envied his creativity, and was warmed by the look of gratitude he threw my way when he repeated what he told her. Malena caught it and from the look on her face, misinterpreted it completely.

She got blunt.

"Hey, don't take offense to this or anything…"

She paused for a second, turning full on to Jazz, who had this casual smirk on his face. "I don't offend easily." He assured. My sister nodded.

"Okay good. I'm just wondering what the hell two guys like you," she waved back towards Bee, who perked up and tuned in, "are doing hanging around a couple of kids like Mikki and Sam?"

"Like us?" Jazz quirked a brow and I had to congratulate him silently on his expertise with holographic expressions.

"Kids?" Protested Sam, but I shooshed him before he could get himself roasted for interrupting.

"Come on, you two are more MY age… what could you possibly have in common with a couple of high-schoolers? Sure Mikaela helped you and all, but hanging out with her afterwards is a tad… weird."

Jazz's response was instantaneous. "Cars."

"Cars." She dead-panned.

"We got a mutual love of machinery and things that go vroom." His eyes flicked to the two 'cars' sitting innocently just outside our window.

She nodded, still unsatisfied but she got her question answered. "Hmmm…"

"Don't believe me?" Somehow Jazz managed to sound hurt.

"Didn't say that… just…" Malena huffed. "Fuck it. You two seem like good guys, and although you're obviously hiding something from me, everyone's entitled to their secrets. I trust Mikaela's instincts, but I wouldn't be much of a sister if I wasn't over-protective. So I'll say this: if you touch her, if you hurt her in any way… I'll kill you."

She then spun around and looked at Bee. "That goes for you too, blondie." Bumblebee could do nothing but get wide-eyed and nod a lot.

I was utterly mortified. _She thinks they're perverts!! _"Malena! Geez…"

She turned back to Jazz when he chuckled. "I like her!" He said to me, grinning widely.

He then put down his coffee and, quick as a snake, grabbed both of Malena's hands gently in his and looked her dead in the eye. "Mikaela saved my life, Bee 'n Sam are my best friends. _No_ harm will come to any of them if I have anything to say about it."

I'd never heard Jazz talk like that, ever. His already baritone voice had gone down a tone or two, and there was such a sense of _earnestness_ in what he said that anyone sane would believe him in an instant. Me and Sam watched close, and I was just waiting for Malena (who wasn't exactly sane) to say something nasty, or wrench her hands free, something… but she just sat there and looked deeply into his eyes, as if searching for something that would tell her if he was bullshitting or not. Whatever she found seemed to do the trick, and she gave a small nod and an approving smile of her own.

"Good. Cause I'd hate to ruin that pretty face of yours." She gave him a pat on his slightly stubbled cheek and a silly grin just for spice.

_And the award for Colossal Mood-swing of the year goes to…_

Jazz picked up on her lightened tone and grinned broadly. "Girl, if something bad happened t' Sam or th' Mouse I'll hand ya a crowbar myself n' say 'have at it'."

Bee surprised us all by speaking up, "Me too."

I had to laugh; the image of Malena chasing Jazz and Bee in Mech form around the diner parking lot with a crowbar raised above her head was just too much.

Tension effectively broken, we got back to finishing our breakfast and much more frivolous conversation, in which Jazz turned the tables and questioned Malena. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) his questions were a little more risqué. By the time our pie and coffee-refills finally came, the boys had learned that she had four tattoos, two of them she wouldn't show to them (which piqued both Sam and Jazz's interest), knew how to knit, was single, and had crashed a grand total of 6 cars (two by accident, four on purpose). Bee looked afraid.

"So what made you come back here?" Sam asked, using his fork to draw a sort of tic-tac-toe design in his ice cream. Bee stuck a finger in it, and an impromptu game broke out after Sam mumbled something about 'Bee cooties'. Sam naturally lost while my sister answered his question.

"Got sick of college, dropped out." She shrugged. "Missed the family."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you… why'd you drop out?"

She gave me a blank look, "Mik, you been in school as long as I have and you'd strangle a bus fulla nuns just to get away." She brutally stabbed her cherry pie and took a mouthful.

"What about your Doctorate?"

"Fuck my Doctorate. I lost interest." She didn't look me in the eye and I could tell she was lying. But before I could pursue it Jazz interrupted with more questions.

"What were you studying?"

"Cultural Anthropology."

Another big grin from Jazz. The dude sucked up culture like a sponge sucked up spilled Kool-Aid. They quickly broke out into a discussion of American culture versus world-wide, similarities, differences, slang, everything, leaving the three of us behind and thoroughly confused (except Bee, but he chatted with us anyways. Well, sort of. More like grunted once in a while).

Sam seemed content, one hand on my thigh and the other twirling his fork like a cheerleader and her baton. If it weren't for my wanting to bust in the middle of Jazz and Malena so obviously being over-cozy, I'd have enjoyed the attention. I just then noticed something… Malena'd not questioned Sam at all. Not one embarrassing prod, not a head-fucker, nothing. It made me a wee bit suspicious and a whole lot grateful that she trusted him this far. Maybe it was cause Sam pretty much wore his heart on his sleeve, and looked like an over-caffeinated angel… _or maybe she's just paying wayyyyy too much attention to 'Mr. Boneable'… _

A persistent beep sounded from Malena's purse and she dug through mid-sentence to get her pager, looked at it, said "Fuck." and dropped it back in. "Be right back."

She shuffled Jazz off the bench and disappeared near the bathrooms to use the payphone. Jazz slid back in watching her go.

"Jazz."

He totally ignored me.

"Jazz? JAZZ!"

"Hmmm?"

I gave him a stern frown. "Quit mackin' on my sister."

"I ain't mackin' her!"

Sam intervened. "You totally are. It's hilarious. Keep going!"

My fierce look turned to Sam. "_You're_ not helping."

Bee giggled. All three boys got death-glares.

Malena came back but waved off Jazz's offer to move again. "Nah, I'm out in a minute. Here, I got breakfast." She dug through her purse for her wallet but Jazz stopped her.

"We got this, remember?" Sam and Bee both nodded as well.

She gave them a distracted smile and leaned over the table, kissing my forehead. "Take care, I'll see you later. You three, it was good to meet you. Party at my place in a few days, bring your own booze."

And like that she was out of the restaurant and running to a rusted blue truck that was just pulling up. She didn't smile or wave goodbye, just disappeared down the street and was gone in less than a minute.

"Who the hell was that?" Jazz asked, absolutely befuddled, but with…something… in his eyes I couldn't quite identify.

I couldn't answer him though so I shrugged. I was used to her up and running off like that, though she usually gave more warning.

Bee sniggered and whispered something in staticy Cybertronian, earning him a good hard slug to the arm.

"I am not!" Jazz growled.

Bee obviously didn't believe him, saying something that was very heavily laced in gleeful sarcasm. Sam and I jumped when we heard a loud bang, and looked out the window only to see Jazz's passenger door swing shut and Bee rocking in place with a small dent in one of his side panels.

"Did you just hit _Bee_ with a _door?!_"

* * *

'_Slagging Pit-spawned little shit. Not even fully functional a day and he's already up my tailpipe about something…'_

_Barricade sat on the base's cold cement floor, fiddling with one of his remote audio receivers, tinkering with it until the static disappeared, then reached for the next one, all the while grumbling to himself. Frenzy had gotten on his last nerve already. It took Barricade two hours to scrub the paint off (whatever the hell was in it was PERSISTANT) and the entire time, Frenzy had been hopping about, poking and prodding him, chattering incessantly, calling him Piggy, and generally making a nuisance of himself. Then he'd gotten flack about the bar-fight and 'cozying up to the fleshies' from Blackout, then, to make matters even more heavenly, they'd received transmission from space, an incoming Decepticon. They hadn't been able to clear up the signal enough to figure out who it was, or even how far they were away, but they'd spent a couple hours theorizing. The only high point of the day was when the three Earth-bound Decepticons agreed they hoped it wasn't Starscream and proceeded to make up sissy nicknames for him and speculating on ways they'd like him to meet his end._

_They agreed that 'getting dismantled by infant humans' was the best and most humiliating way._

_Actually, that had been sort of fun. But other than that there had been nothing but misery for the black and white Decepticon since he got back to base late last night. His planted audio sensors had all gone on the fritz at the same time, sometime in the mid-morning, which was suspicious in and of itself, but when he got them fixed, one by one, each of them told him a different story… out of one, he heard humans making orders for 'Big Macs', out of another he'd hear more of that horrid music he heard at the bar, the next spouted children screaming… it went on and on. _

_He'd lost her. He didn't know how but he lost her. _

_The human Malena couldn't have found them all… so Barricade concluded the Autobots must have swept her vehicle and cleaned it. What bothered him most was why they didn't make any move other than that… or were they? For all Barricade knew, they were tracking the signals right back to this base… _

_Paranoid Barricade was even worse than Bored Barricade._

_He'd started pacing and didn't stop until Blackout stomped in the room, giant body making the weak cement shake and crack beneath his feet. Barricade cared nothing for his size, the big Decepticon was a dolt. Brawn did not make up for brains and agility, which Barricade, in his own humble opinion, had in spades. Nevertheless Blackout liked to spend most of his time trying to look intimidating. It didn't work. _

"_The holding cells are finished. All that's left is to pick them up."_

'_Finally! Some action!'_ _He thought, grinning internally… til a little problem re-presented itself._

"_Erm…." He hesitated. Blackout may be a dolt but he was malevolently brutal at times._

"_What?"_

"_I… sort of… lost the Banes sisters." He mumbled._

"_WHAT?!"_

_Frenzy chose that time to skitter into the room and jump onto Barricade's splayed left leg. "Plan s-s-still work without them?"_

_Barricade shook his head. "It might, but it would be better to have ALL of the humans. The Autobot first lieutenant has a weakness for the younger Banes…" and that weakness could be worked to the Decepticon's advantage. _

_He hated the desperate tone that infiltrated his voice at his next statement. "Somehow she or the Autobots ditched the sensors I put on her vehicle. We need to act, and act now if we want this to work. They may already have suspicions, and could be taking steps to put extra precautions into place."_

_Blackout nodded, still angry but placated. Frenzy patted Barricade's leg and chattered nonsensically before he could form a coherent sentence. "Who f-first, 'Cade?"_

"_Don't call me that."_

"_Cade Cade Cade!"_

_Blackout growled laughter while Barricade resisted the urge to flick his partner across the room just to hear him squeal. _

"_The Witwickys."_

_Again, Blackout agreed. "They should not cause much of a problem." The older humans would not be able to escape, especially with Frenzy on guard. _

"_Kill the rodent!" Frenzy cackled._

_Barricade ignored Frenzy completely "Then the Lennox female and infant. By then I will have located the Banes. We'll take them last."_


	8. Chapter 8

_Note: height statements are exaggerated because 40 sounds absolutely huge. He seems a lot bigger than 28 feet, for sure._

_and i still don't own anything but Malena... oh, and Hammond. but I give the movie 48 hours credit for giving me his name. lol_

* * *

"How's my driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-fkin'-die!" Hudson Hawk

**(8)**

Since my sister more or less abandoned me, I was left to my own devices with the boys. They didn't mind, hell, they'd planned on keeping me all day anyway. So I found myself seated in Jazz, cruising happily behind Bee, heading towards the Autobots temporary base, wondering what the hell was going on. My sister up and leaving like that, Jazz acting so strangely, Mom… then there was the nervousness of facing the three other Autobots I'd told off a mere two nights ago. Prime always made me a little nervous, and now, hell, I didn't know whether or not he was pissed at me or if he'd do the 'turn the other cheek' thing like he always did (which always made me feel all the worse for telling him off). Damned guilty conscience. Even the streaming sunlight and the happy tunes pouring from the speakers didn't penetrate.

Jazz picked up on my tension, obviously. "Mikaela, ya sit there shakin' much longer 'n I'll have ta pull over."

_Huh?_

"I c'n feel ya through the seat."

_Oh… OH! Oh shit, now I feel like a vibrator._ My cheeks flushed and Jazz busted out laughing. "Oh my, not like that, girlie. Just tickles."

_Just slam on the brakes and let me fly out the windshield. Please?_

For the next quarter mile I did my best to stop 'vibrating', but I just couldn't stop thinking about Autobot Vibrators and mid-traffic collisions caused by said Vibrators… the more I thought about it the harder I laughed.

"Good to see ya smile again, but you're only makin' it worse!"

That tore it. The dam broke, I couldn't stop laughing. I wished I had a tissue or something cause the tears were ruining my mascara (and it stung like a bastard), and Jazz didn't exactly come with Kleenex in his glove box.

My seat suddenly bounced, Jazz's way of showing 'irritation'. "Quit it." I could hear his mock-stern voice, but could _feel_ the grin behind it. I tried to obey but it just wasn't working.

Five minutes later I'd settled down and the interior remained quiet… til I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Bzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Jazz snorted and my seat bounced again.

* * *

We pulled up to the base, one of the many abandoned military air-fields, now with just one rusted out piece of crap hanger and some 'basic' (according to Ratchet) computer equipment and some bunks. Not much at all, but according to the government, 'they were working on it'. If they 'worked' at their usual pace, the Autobots would be stuck here til I had grey hair and saggy boobs. It was no wonder Bee spent most of his time at Sam's; at least there was grass and a heated garage for shitty nights.

Once we were under cover and Sam and I disembarked from our respective Autobot transport, they shifted to their bi-pedal mode, Jazz letting out a groan that wouldn't be misplaced in 70's porn. "Ooooooooh yeah…" and Bee stretching his arms high above his head and making happy noises I couldn't help but think were cute as hell.

It didn't matter how many times they transformed in front of me, it always held me enthralled til the very last clink of metal shifted into place. I almost wished I could record it in super high-def and play it in slow motion just so I could see where everything went. Especially the seats. Like, where did Bee's big soft leather seats go? It bugged the crap out of me but I wasn't about to go and ask.

Of course they noticed me and Sam staring in child-like wonder (again) and smirked. Bee, being the smart-ass he was, played West Side Story.

'_I feel pretty / Oh so pretty / I feel pretty and witty and_…"

"Most definitely gay." Sam finished. Bee made to kick him and Sam ran off a few yards laughing. I was just too floored with Sam knowing ANYTHING from the West Side Story.

Jazz joined in, singing in his own voice, "_Have you met my good friend Mikaela, The craziest girl on the block? You'll know her the minute you see her, she's the one who is in an advanced state of shock_…"

Before I could smack him one, a loud booming voice shook the room, very obviously irritated. "Will you PLEASE stop that slagging racket! There's Mechs trying to recharge here!"

"Easy, Ironhide." Prime's voice floated out from some place unseen, trying to calm his Weapon's Specialist.

Sam's brow shot up. "It's the middle of the day!"

"He's just pissy cause we interrupted his beauty sleep." I grinned.

Jazz bent down and whispered, "He'd need a few centuries."

A low grumble was all the warning we had before something flew out of the other room, pegging Jazz off right between the eyes. His visor fell into place a second too late. "OW!"

"Dent him and I'll rewire you to speak like a femme." Came Ratchet's usual threat. Ironhide just groused in Cybertronian and a second later another CLANK sounded. "And don't get lippy."

"Ugh." Optimus Prime strolled into the room, shaking his head at his Medic. "They've been at each other all morning." He said to nobody in particular. His gaze fell on Jazz rubbing his head and the empty can of compressed air now rolling between his feet. Then he shrugged. "At least it wasn't full."

Sam and I rolled helpless in laughter on the floor as he passed. He spared a glance down at us, but his optics narrowed as he focussed on me. "Ahh, good, they brought you."

_Eek._

"Yeah, she was holed up in a hotel with her sister, terrorizing the locals. Took em out for breakfast first." Jazz piped up, standing beside his leader and grinning down at me. With two giant bots staring at me I felt about three inches tall… which wasn't far off the mark considering…

Optimus momentarily looked puzzled but he moved past it quickly. Gentlemanly as ever he reached down and helped me off my ass and onto my feet, and then did the same for Sam, asking, "Breakfast?"

There were certain words that just didn't sound right coming out of 40 foot Optimus Prime, and 'breakfast' was one of them. A couple of weeks back Sam and I spent a good hour thinking of other inappropriate words, mostly vulgar, and reminiscing over when he actually said "Oh, sorry, my bad," like a bubble-headed 16 year old cheerleader. We made a deal to try to get him to start cursing in English, but we hadn't figured out _how_ yet. I was too chicken to ask Jazz or Bee for help too.

Jazz interrupted my thoughts by telling Prime about the 'Cockrider Incident', and even asked for my cell phone so he could show him pictures. I would have found it funny, watching Jazz reach up real high with my cell phone clutched between his fingers and Prime kneeling and bent so he could see, but I really wanted to run for cover… he'd definitely NOT approve of it.

Imagine my surprise when Sam told him the effect of hot pepper sauce on sensitive human parts (especially the eyes), and he laughed. Not something quiet either, it was like he couldn't hold it in any longer, just one big loud "HAH!" before he regained control of himself. "If what Bumblebee tells me of this human is true, he deserved it."

_Wow. Prime's got a sense of humour! Go figure. _There seemed to be a lot about the great Autobot leader I didn't know. He even smirked when Jazz showed him a picture of Trent stomping away from his truck with a great cloud of pink sparkles trailing behind him.

"Who is this?" Prime asked, stopping Jazz from scrolling through the pictures. I wished I was a few dozen feet taller so I could see what or who they were looking at.

"Oh, man, you GOT to meet her." Jazz was practically bouncing.

I rolled my eyes. "Jaaaazz, don't get started."

Prime's curiosity was piqued. "Your elder sister, I assume?" He asked, offering me a hand, which I climbed into and experienced the vertigo that normally happened when being lifted by Prime. Bee came up with Sam perched on his shoulder, nodding emphatically.

"_Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister..."_

_Lady Marmalade?_ "Cut it out, Bee." _That song'll only give Jazz ideas._

Jazz went into this big long rant about Malena, told him all about the prank and breakfast… "And then, get this, she threatened to slag us both." He finished with a laugh.

Prime's eyes got pretty big. "She threatened you?" He looked in disbelief at both Jazz and Bee.

I nodded, resigned. "Oh yeah."

Jazz smirked. "_I will fong you, until your insides are out, your outsides are in, your entrails will become your extrails I will w-rip... all the p... ung. Pain, lots of pain!"_

I could almost hear her saying exactly that. "Knight's Tale. And she wasn't THAT bad."

"Damn."

"She sounds… interesting, to say the least." Prime admitted, standing up to his full height. "I hope to meet her."

_Oh no. Optimus Prime and my sister in the same room?_ That brought about all sorts of visuals of her standing there with her neck craned wayyyyy back in awe, only to say something completely off-the-wall, or talking about guns with Ironhide, or harassing Ratchet just to make him get flustered…

I shook off the usual imagery, noticing finally that Prime was staring at me. I fumbled for words and came up with only "Huh?"

"Captain K here said he wants to talk witcha."

Prime growled something nasty-sounding in Cybertronian, casually lifted a massive arm and cuffed Jazz lightly upside the head, the loud crack of it echoing off the walls. If there wasn't the risk of me falling to my doom I just might have fainted in shock right then and there. Sam's jaw dropped low enough to fit a good sized toaster, but Bee just stood there squealing laughter.

"OW! Aww man, Ratchet's gonna kill me!" Jazz whined, fingering the new dent. It was true though, _someone_ would face the wrath of Ratchet for this, and it certainly wouldn't be Prime.

Prime was already walking off with me still sitting uncomfortably on his hand, but he had the gall to say over his shoulder, "While your in there, ask him if he can do something about your fried logic processors."

* * *

"_Blackout, report."_

"_I have the female and the infant and am on route back to the base."_

"_And the male, William Lennox?"_

"_Not there."_

"_Damage?"_

"_Minimal. That female has good aim."_

_Barricade laughed. "Awww, did the little meatbag hurt you?" Frenzy cackled at Barricade's fake sympathy._

"_Quiet or I'll give her gun back and set her loose on YOU!" Blackout snapped. "And anyways, how is YOUR mission going, piggy? Is it just my fritzed memory or were you not supposed to get the Witwicky's first?"_

_Barricade grumbled as Frenzy's maniacal chittering got worse. "Got delayed in traffic. Arriving at the Witwicky household now. Try not to kill your fleshies while we're gone."_

"_If this wailing child doesn't shut up soon I just might."_

"_Suck it up you big s-s-sparkling!"_

"_I may suffer permanent auditory damage if I don't get it out of me soon, it's almost worse than Starscream! I'm an astrosecond away from ejecting it and seeing if infant humans can fly." Then suddenly this horrible high-pitched cry filled Barricade's interior, causing both Decepticons to shout, then turn to sniggering again once they heard a human female in the background shouting and the dull thud of something solid hitting something metal. _

"_Let me out of here you puffed up excuse for a lawn-mower! YOU HEAR ME!" __**THUD.**__ "Just wait til my husband gets here and shoves a cannon up your ass!" __**THUD**__. _

_Blackout cut off interior audio and spoke to them again. "She's been beating on me for half an hour already, not to mention the bullet holes…" He groaned miserably._

_Both Barricade and Frenzy paused for a moment. Then Frenzy spoke up, voice dripping with derision. "O-kaykay, sorry. Poor poor Blackie. We'll save you from the b-b-big scary fffffffleshies" Barricade swerved on the street, nearly hitting a light post hearing Blackout's growing fury over the comm-line._

"_DO NOT PATRONIZE ME!" _

"_Then quit whining and get back to base." Barricade shot back, then cut off communication just in time to avoid Blackout's full on raging cursing streak._

"_Blackout neeeeds to chill." Frenzy stated, tapping impatient pointy fingers on Barricade's dashboard. They were parked on the curb just in front of the house, and already had called attention to themselves. The front window coverings fluttered as one of the humans inside pushed them aside to look warily at him, so Barricade activated his hologram and looked down at his twitching partner._

"_Chill?"_

_Frenzy gave up on tapping his dash and went to clack away at his laptop (a 'welcome back from the dead' present that he made Frenzy promise he'd not tell Blackout about) but sputtered derisively "Look it up, I'm busy."_

_Barricade leaned over and took a peek. Tetris? "Busy my aft, just keep an eye out for Autobots."_

_Barricade's holoform stepped out of his interior, leaving Frenzy to guard (just in case some sick and twisted human got it in their mushy heads to desecrate his armour again). He decided to do this quietly, no need to attract the Autobots attention so quickly by just bashing in the roof and grabbing the targets (Blackout's preferred tactic). He went with his standard 'moustache-man' police form, knowing that in a place like this it would be much more trusted._

_He strode up the front driveway, hearing something yapping from the interior of the house and concluded it must be the rodent 'Mojo', and from that sound alone knew there was no way on Earth or Cybertron he would allow that creature to skitter about his interior. Frenzy was bad enough. _

_He was met at the front door by a rather large human male, Samuel Witwicky's father, and the smaller human female who stood just behind him with the twitching mutt cradled in her arms like a sparkling._

'_Pretend you're an Autobot, pretend you're an Autobot'. He repeated to himself like a mantra, fingers twitching to just grab a hold of the nearest throat and squeeze. If it weren't for THESE two meatmags mating in the first place, his leader would still be alive._

_Plastering a hopefully friendly smile on his face, he greeted the Witwickys. "Good afternoon Sir, Maam. Is your son Sam present?"_

_The male groaned. "What'd he do this time officer?"_

_Success!_

* * *

quick question... there's only a buttload of cussing and violence in this fic (the naughtier stuff is in another story), so should I lower the rating from M to T? or is the innuendo enough to push it to M? (this mostly goes to those who've read this before, you know what's comin') Lemme know.


	9. Chapter 9

"_Where you come from is gone, where you thought you were goin' to weren't never there, and where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it."_ Wise Blood (also Ministry's Jesus Built My Hotrod. Heh)

**(9)**

I waved a goodbye to the others as Prime walked us both outside into the hot mid-day sun. He was silent, and I knew he had something on his mind. According to the others, alone time with Prime usually meant either a reprimand or a long speech, and I honestly wasn't up to either of them, despite feeling a whole lot better about things than I did an hour ago.

He didn't go far, only far enough that we could still see the base yet have privacy, finally stopping and seating himself on the side of a hill and placing me on a nearby rock outcropping so we could be almost eyelevel to each other.

Optimus was the cause of many mixed emotions in me. He was like a mix of a great big protective father and an old hippy… that just so happened to pack a cannon the size of an ancient redwood tree trunk and could kick giant ass when called for. He inspired respect and awe and not a small twinge of fear at times. I know he didn't mean to but it was likely difficult to act meek when one dwarfed pretty much every living being on the planet.

I never expected him to speak so suddenly, that booming gentle voice so filled with hesitation. "I… am concerned about you Mikaela."

_What the… okay, that was short_. "What… Why?"

"You've not been yourself in the past few days. Something is wrong, and…" He paused as if unsure how to proceed. I held in a smile, _he really does sound like an awkward dad_.

I headed him off at the pass. "It's nothing sir." _Nothing you'd understand, most likely. Or care about. _I only just realized that I called him 'Sir' like I was one of his soldiers.

He didn't believe me if the narrowed eyes said anything.

"Really. I can handle it."

"If I believed you were incapable of 'handling' your problems, Mikaela, I would have said so. I merely worry."

I dropped my gaze, not wanting to see that… that strange look of chastisement on his face. I couldn't fool him, he knew better. Hard to dissuade a guy who's been alive for thousands of years and has probably seen and heard every excuse ever spouted in desperation.

He heaved a great sigh and I felt horrible for putting another burden on his shoulders. He already had a war to deal with, he didn't need angsty teenage drama on top of it. I didn't _want_ him to worry about me. For a moment I considered just leaving and not coming back and saving the leader the headache.

But I couldn't.

Sam told me what Megatron asked him up on that building about whether it was fear or courage that made him keep going. Sitting here with Optimus Prime, thinking about all the shit that was happening all around me, I asked myself the same question. Only one word came to mind.

Fear.

I couldn't leave them. I couldn't go back to being alone. I could not… _would not_… deal with school, work, my parents, living with two wars, everyday events, all that shit, without some sort of relief or backup. Not anymore. I just couldn't deal with it by myself anymore, especially now that I'd had a taste of real live support. I leave the Autobots behind and I'd probably go insane with it all, even with my sister there to help. Fuck, I didn't want to burden her either.

It was fear that kept me here, but it was anger for being so fucking afraid of everything all the time that made me start yelling. I couldn't stop it if I tried.

I just let it loose, screaming at the mountains miles away, hoping they'd shake and fall apart, screaming at the assholes who locked up my dad, at the people who made the booze my mom practically swam in, screaming at the war-mongers who made this great mech next to me look so sorrowful all the time, hell, I even screamed myself for being such a fucking coward.

Prime looked taken aback but remained quiet. By now I had tears streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't feel more embarrassed. I just spilled everything, every doubt, every peeve, every stress, in a primal yell in front of a 40 foot alien who probably thought that I was insane now. And to make things worse he had this heart-wrenching sympathetic glow to his optics that just made me want to cry harder. Goddamn it. I couldn't take that gaze anymore. I stood up, wiped some dust off my pants and with a "Fuck it", turned to climb back down and walk back to the base.

Optimus wasn't having any of that, and in the time it took to take two steps he'd reached out and I found myself wrapped gently in a hand and lifted right off the ground. A growl erupted from my throat before I could stop it and Prime immediately stopped moving, except to open his hand and turn it so I didn't fall, instead letting me sort of sit on it. I quelled the eruption just aching to burst from my mouth.

"It bothers you that much?" He didn't have to clarify.

And suddenly I felt hideous for getting so angry. I took a deep breathe or two just to relax before I answered him. "No." _Don't lie_. "Well, yeah. Getting picked up like that. Prime, put yourself in my shoes for a minute." He looked confused at the term. "Never mind. Picture this if you can. Imagine something 10 times your size pluckin' you up in a massive fist anytime they felt like it. How would you feel?"

He actually appeared to think about it for a moment, then shook his head with a chuckle. "You're right; it would grow to be annoying… and … be condescending of them, wouldn't it?"

"Like you're nothing but a disobedient pet."

He gave a thoughtful nod, "Yes. I apologize. I'll speak to the others about this as well."

"Thank you." I was so relieved that he understood; at least of all the ranting I did tonight he could do something to reduce the pressure, even a tad. With the bottom of my shirt I wiped my eyes for the second time that day, glad I wore black. _Goddamn mascara._

"God, I'm such a baby." I laughed at myself, mortified that I was just sitting here bawling like a child in his palm when he had, like, a bazillion things going on in his mind that could make or break the planet and win a war.

Prime smiled softly, lifting me closer to his chest. A comforting hum washed over me, and although this was a serious situation I automatically thought of vibrators again and smirked. _Number one sign of oncoming insanity: imagining giant alien leader is just a big huge vibrator. _

My choked laughter made Prime look down on me quizzically, and that just made it worse. "Oh man, don't ask… I think my brain broke."

"Would you like me to take you to Ratchet?"

His tone was dead-serious but his smirk gave him away. _So, Optimus Prime has a smart-ass streak. _I smirked back up at him and wiped another tear-stain off my cheek. "Nah, it's nothing that a good night's sleep and a hug won't help."

"I would, but…"

"Yeah, I'd be a sticky paste Ratch'd have to scrape off your chassis…"

"How descriptive."

"Blame my sister's taste in movies." I replied, thinking of her repeatedly making me watch _Maximum Overdrive_ when I was little.

Optimus grinned easily and leaned back against the hill. It was so strange to see him so relaxed. "So… do you always yell at your problems like that?"

"Well, I don't have cannons so I can't really shoot em'…" _As much as I'd love that… bad grade at school? BAM! Sam being a dink? Shoot him in the foot. Trent comes along? KABLOOEY! __Ahhh, to have cannons attached to my arms…_ I caught Prime's worried look and again I felt like shit, this time for wanting to shoot people randomly. "Sorry."

"No apology needed. Everyone has their 'bad days'." Another term that sounded weird coming from Optimus. This day must be marked.

"Even you?"

"Especially me." He paused, then turned and pointed with his other hand to a pile of broken rocks 50 feet away. I could see the charred craters from cannon fire, and what I thought could be a massive fist-mark. "That unfortunate mound got the brunt of my anger after Mission City."

My eyes couldn't get any bigger. I thought he just moped!

He went on, "Anybody can buckle if put under enough pressure. I feel no pride for blasting motionless rocks but…"

"Better than the populace?" I grinned, repeating Malena's excuse for near daily paintballing excursions a few years back.

Prime nodded. "Exactly. After losing Jazz and the Allspark in one fell swoop, I…" He stopped, as if holding back, his free hand clenching into a fist and yet a saddened droop to his expression. He had by far the most communicative face of all the Autobots and I felt for him.

"You were justifiably angry." I stated. "I'd have done a lot more than shoot some rocks if I were in your place. Hell, I'd have pumped a few hundred rounds into Megatron's corpse and kicked some humans just to see em fly. You have a hell of a lot more patience than I do."

The great mech chuckled at the idea, stroking my hair with one large finger. It never failed to amaze me how gentle he could be for a guy so big. "I realized two nights ago that I never really thanked you for your assistance during the battle."

"I didn't do much besides get chased around and blown up."

I thought he'd start shaking me just from the look on his face. "You undervalue yourself Mikaela. We might have lost Bumblebee that day as well if you hadn't moved him out of the warzone. More people may have died if you and Bee hadn't come back. We wouldn't have Jazz now if it weren't for you."

I shook my head. "Ratchet would have done it just fine without me." Prime's blue optics narrowed. "But I get it. I helped. A little."

"Not a little, Mikaela. Ratchet is thinking about training you, considering how competent you were with repairs."

Now THAT floored me. _Me? An Autobot Medic?_ "You're shittin' me."

Then I realized what I just said and covered my mouth in horror. Prime bellowed laughter that literally shook me where I sat.

_Weird fuckin' day._

"Do you feel better now?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "Yes."

Prime nodded. "Good. It's about time we got back. Jazz gets twitchy when you're out of sight for extended periods." But he had one last thing to say to me, and I held it in memory.

"Mikaela… I know that you pride yourself on your strength and independence. I do not know what burdens you carry but… know that whatever they are, the Autobots will help you bear them. You offered friendship and support when our need was dire. We could do nothing less than the same in return."

I sniffled and swallowed a sob. I refused to cry in front of Optimus Prime again. He seemed to notice and made an effort to cheer me up again.

"Of course, if you ever feel the need to scream at the mountains again, just ask and I'll carry you out here myself, no questions asked."

I knew it was a futile gesture but I couldn't help but grab a couple of his fingers in both my arms and squeeze. It was the closest thing to a hug I could accomplish. "Hurry up and get a hologram so I can hug you properly, dammit." I grouched, smiling when he laughed again.

_Well if anything, I can be useful to these guys as comic relief. Sam can't do it all by himself, now can he? _

* * *

_With more relief than he'd ever display in front of his companions, Barricade slammed the holding cell doors after unceremoniously dropping the unconscious family of Samuel Witwicky on the floor. He completely ignored the loud protests of the yellow-haired human in the next cage and the crying of the infant in her arms, walking away and out of the room to slam that door shut as well. Only when he was out of view of both allies and enemies did he slump his worn out body against the wall and sigh, rubbing at his left thigh. '_The females of this planet are insane,'_ he thought, remembering Judy Witwicky and her threats and eventual kick-session that resulted in Barricade gassing the interior of his alt-mode just to calm her down. Only when she and her mate were knocked offline did he notice the holes in his upholstery from her high-heeled shoes. _

_He dreaded the moment she woke up and realized where she was… oh, and when her and the Lennox female would start plotting. Barricade knew it was inevitable, the banding together of prisoners, the escape attempts, the screaming… he'd seen it more than once. He was just happy it was Frenzy and not him responsible for guarding said prisoners. _

'_Speakin of the lil' slagger…'_

_Frenzy came skittering into the room, chirping excitedly, babbling so much and so fast that Barricade, even after many millennia of exposure had trouble keeping up with him. "Cadecadewegothimonthecommhe'salmosthereheeeeeeeerebyprimusfinallyaleaderautobotsbesofuckinbonedcadecadejustalittlelongeranwebeeeee….." _

_Barricade placed one massive paw on Frenzy's head to shut him up. "We be what?" _

'Did I just say _we be_? Slag me now before I start really talking like him.'

"_It's Soundw-w-wave!"_

_Oh. We be…fragged all to hell? Barricade shuddered. If there was one mech he feared, next to Megatron of course, it was Soundwave. Frenzy loved him (as much as a Decepticon could love), they shared something similar to the human's father/son bond, so his excitement was justified. But Barricade dreaded his arrival let alone the sound of his name. _

"_He'll be here in a couple sssssolar cycles! We'llhavealeaderagain!" Frenzy literally bounced in place even with Barricade's hand futilely straining to hold him still. _

_He had a point, despite Barricade's loathing of the giant telepathic mech, he had to admit it. Starscream, being named Second in Command, was only that rank in name, and Barricade reasoned that Megatron only did it to shut the slaggin' whiner up. It was Soundwave who held the most real power over the Decepticons. It was him who got all the juicy assignments, was trusted by Megatron to do his spy work correctly. If anyone could band the Decepticons together again after the untimely destruction of Megatron, it would be Soundwave, not Starscream, out of fear, power or just outright clever cruelty, he would do it. _

_Frenzy was right, the Autobots were 'boned'._

_Barricade felt himself swayed by Frenzy's happy excitement, hope glimmering in his darkened spark. Things were about to change for the stranded three. He found himself smiling…just a little._

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still don't own shit.

* * *

_Ah, the Bimbo Mobile is developing a sense of humour._ Team Knight Rider

**(10)**

The boys (and Ironhide) were well into a watching a Halo 3 death match competition between Sam and Bee's holo when we returned to base. We must have made an odd couple, Prime and me, because everyone in the main room stopped what they were doing and just stared.

"What?" I yelled, a little defensively. I also checked my face real quick, hoping I didn't have racoon eyes from all the mascara running.

Naturally it was Jazz to speak up first. "Heh, nothin' girlie. Just usually when Prime walks off with someone we don't see em again for a few hours… and they're usually asleep when they come back."

Prime growled and Ratchet snorted. He was seated next to Jazz so when Prime gave him a simple nod, Ratchet reached down and cuffed Jazz upside the head.

"Ow! Watch yo big-ass mitts!"

"Quit complaining Lieutenant. You asked for it."

I had to butt in too. "Yeah, and now you have matching dents. You don't look all asymmetrical."

"Big word there, hope your primitive brain doesn't fizzle out."

_I'll show you 'primitive'_. "Jazz, babe, check your rear view mirror." I said in the sweetest voice I could muster.

He didn't notice what I'd hung there for the entire time we'd been driving earlier, which I found both surprising and amusingly convenient. I considered it payback for the multiple times he'd woken me up, and for mackin' on my sister. From a safe height still perched in Optimus Prime's palm I watched Jazz quickly transform and beg Sam to check what the hell I did to him. Prime looked down at me and I just grinned innocently.

Sam's ass was sticking out of Jazz's driver's door so I wolf-whistled just to fluster him. _Wow, Lena HAS been rubbing off on me._ That thought went out the proverbial window when Sam discovered my 'present' and busted out laughing so hard Jazz rocked on his suspension.

"What? What is it?" He sounded panicked, but Sam couldn't say a thing. His butt disappeared as he collapsed across the seats, only his kicking feet hanging out the door.

"QUIT TRYIN' TO HUMP MY GEARSTICK LIKE A HORNY GIRL ON PROM NIGHT AND TELL ME FOR PRIMUS' SAKE!"

"Jazz, honey, don't blaspheme." I goaded. I felt Optimus tremble and looked up only to see him with the most ridiculous look of restrained laughter contorting his features. It was like he was trying very hard to frown but couldn't.

Jazz proceeded to rock back and forth so hard that Sam fell out on his ass, grasping Jazz's brand-spankin' new air freshener by it's string and as far away from his body as possible. Both Ratchet and Ironhide snuck closer while Jazz transformed again, but blocked his view, sniggering at what Sam still held.

"Oh man, Mikki, that's just… wrong." Sam smirked with awe.

"Why does he even bother with that scrap of cloth? It's not hiding anything!"

Jazz wrestled through a gap between the two giant mechs, "MOVE!" He then snatched the item out of Sam's hand and held it up so he could see it. His eyes widened. "A fraggin' CHIPPENDALE?!"

_Time…to panic. _I gave Prime my best puppy dog eyes and begged, _"_Prime, if you love me, you will let me down now, so I can start running."

He pretended to think about it, "Hmmmmm," then shook his head. "No, I think I'll keep you here."

_Great time for you to develop a sadistic streak! Lemme down!_ I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster and began to slip off the edge of his palm. I was determined to climb down myself until Jazz came running full speed over to us and jumped at my feet, giving me horrid reminders of the Raptor in Jurassic Park leaping at that little girl.

"Aww, come on down girlie, I promise I won't hurt you!" Jazz's face was twisted into one hell of an evil smirk.

I squealed and lifted myself back up onto Prime's hand. "Shit! Come on big guy! Save the squishy little human!"

The guys weren't helping my cause, all but Sam chanting "Drop her! Drop her!" And Jazz trying his level best to scale Prime's leg. And Prime did absolutely nothing.

"Fat lotta help YOU are." I mumbled, then beseeched my only ally Sam with big watery eyes and a helpless 'Please!'

It worked. Not only did my boyfriend, the hero, quickly bring someone to our side of the fight, but that 'someone' also happened to have wheels. Prime, the big useless hunk of junk just stood there, laughing, while Jazz got closer and closer to me and I had wiggled my way to the furthest point of his hand.

Suddenly another hand, one attached to a big yellow arm, reached up and made a quick grab for me. I latched on, right in time too, as Jazz's four fingered paw just swung through where I just was. "DAMN! BEE!"

In less than five seconds Bee put me down and transformed, and I dove in along with my other hero, and we drove off, narrowly missing Jazz landing right where we were.

All the way out of the base and down the road, with Bee's windows rolled all the way down, we had absolutely no trouble hearing Jazz cursing us, our 'creators', and our great-great-grandchildren, along with a back up chorus of the laughter of three giant Autobots.

Bee started blasting "We Are the Champions" and Sam was practically sweating bullets, but all three of us were giggling. I reached over, grabbed my shaking boyfriend and kissed him so hard he hit his head on Bee's window.

With a fluttering of eyelashes I sighed, "My hero!"

"Guh…"

Bee jiggled my seat. "Hey! What about me?"

"She's not kissing you man!"

Bee made a rather cute electronic sad-bleep. "But… but I did all the work!"

I patted his dash affectionately. "Yes you did, cutie, and you're so getting a hardcore wash and wax when I get my next paycheck. Interior AND exterior."

Bee purred and started playing Barry White again.

It took the rest of the ride to the hotel for Sam to convince me to do something… pleasurable, for him. By the time I stepped out of Bee, Sam had this half-dazed far off look permanently plastered on his face and a promise from me that when I washed Bee, I'd be wearing a white shirt and no bra.

* * *

"Where the hell've you been?" I asked a thoroughly exhausted-looking Malena as she stumbled into the room. It'd been a couple of hours since I got back to the hotel, and the sun was going down. I'd seen neither hide nor hair of her or even gotten a call from her since she up and left this morning from the restaurant.

She looked like she'd been through a meat-grinder and enjoyed it, knees of her jeans torn and smudges of dirt on her cheeks and arms and a big ol' smile on her face. "Or should I even ask?"

"Them aliens are fuckin' BUCK WILD in bed, ya know?"

_Again with the anal-probing aliens… if only she knew._ I had to smirk at the irony. But, if she wasn't going to take this seriously, then fucked if I'd spoil the fun. "They're hard on the clothes, girlie. I don't think you have it in your budget to keep getting abducted."

"Guess I'll just have to go naked from now on then, huh?"

_Oh please god no. _"For the good of humankind, don't."

Malena stripped her shirt off and stalked into the bathroom, groaning. "I found us a place."

"…eh?" _Ratchet overestimated my cognitive capabilities._

Malena stuck her head out the bathroom door, grinning, and repeated, "I said I found us a place."

"I heard what you said, I just don't…"

She interrupted, "Mikki, I'm sure as shit NOT stayin' in this hotel room any longer than I have to, and I'm not letting you go back to _that_ shithole quite yet, so… I found a semi-permanent place for us to live."

_Let me?_ It wasn't that I wanted to move home or anything, but I really didn't appreciate the way she assumed total control of where I lived. Did she even talk to mom? Why the fuck wasn't I consulted? I put both my hands up to get her to stop talking. "Wait just a goddamn minute. Not _letting_ me? Since when do you have any say in what I do?"

Malena floated out of the bathroom in nothing but her gitch and a housecoat and sat on the bed next to me, frowning, all pretences of fun gone. "Since mom fucking disappeared off the map again."

My heart sank. For a moment there, just a moment, outside the house a couple days ago, I thought MAYBE mom would take Lena's words to heart and get some help. I thought maybe she'd clean up and I could come home and not have to worry about that part of my life, but_ nooooo_, I've never been that lucky. Through the frustration and anger I felt that stab of betrayal,_ pain_, in my gut.

Lena, although brutally honest at times, once in a while showed some heart. She wrapped her arms around me and just held me til I finished bawling like a baby. My head absolutely pounded with the pent up stress, and it only made things worse thinking that it was the second time I was crying in front of someone I respected. And I couldn't even blame it on hormones. It was just nice to have someone small, squishy and warm to hug, so I took advantage of it. I felt bad that I couldn't trust Sam with this side of me but was content in knowing that my sister knew every single side of me and accepted them all, even the weak as a kitten, fucking tired and plain outright miserable emo-teen side. How I longed to just spill everything to her, everything about the Autobots, Mission City, school, work, mom, dad, everything. She'd understand.

But I couldn't. So I had to keep the lies straight and my mouth shut and just take it like the tough broad I was raised to be.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I was laughing that two robots and two humans shared 'hug the bitchy Mikaela' duties. Prime was there for when I needed to yell at rocks, Jazz was there for general bitchiness, Malena was there for sob-fests, and Sam was there for the comfort only a boyfriend could give. Maybe it wasn't just Malena who had universal appeal. _Haha. So not funny._

_At least you're not fuckin' em all._

Amazing what the human mind popped out with in mid-choking sob, and my cries soon switched over to giggles.

"Aha, there you are…" I felt Malena smile against my hair. If anyone could understand mid-anguish giggle-fests, it was her. Once when we were younger, she fell off the roof and in right in the middle of bawling her eyes out, she cracked a horrible dirty joke to the paramedics who were trying to splint her leg. Lucky it wasn't Ratchet or he'd have pegged her off with something.

"Honey, you don't have to live with me forever if you don't want. I'll drive you home myself if that's what you really want."

I started to shake my head 'no' but Malena held my head still and kept talking. "I… I just want you to have some sort of place to stay, somewhere warm, and not full of roaches, where you can do your homework and watch TV and come and go as you please and not have to fucking take care of anybody besides yourself."

"And you can have your boyfriend over and I'll leave for a while so you guys can do the hibbidy-jibbidy, we can have parties and act like irresponsible brats… hey, don't get snot on my robe."

I sniffed hard and cried/laughed harder. She just kept talking, running her fingers through my hair, and even though they were dirty I couldn't give two shits.

"I found a job today, pay'll do us some good, and I have enough squirreled away to help if anything big comes up. Wanna hear about the place?"

My 'yeah' was muffled against her terry-cloth covered shoulder. "That's where I was all day, cleaning it up. It's in the warehouse district, not a pretty area and all, but it's cheap, and it's big! We have the entire bottom floor, like, a big studio place. Really big windows. It's just real dirty right now. We could have a whole pile of crap in there and still have enough room for a couple of cars."

"A couple?" I lifted my head off her shoulder and wiped my eyes with my shirt. Again.

"Well, the Beast, of course, and, maybe yours?"

"I don't have a car." No, I had a scratched up blue Vespa… that still didn't work right since Sam knocked me off it and Barricade stomped on it…

"No car?" She scoffed. "Well, that won't do. I won't have my baby sister mooching rides off her boyfriend all the time, even if he is cute and trustworthy."

She was trying her damndest to cheer me up, and it was working. I snuffled one last time and grinned at her. "Where the hell are we gonna get a car?" I thought, thinking how indignant Jazz would be that I'd travel in anything other than him.

"I know this dude, Manny…"

As she kept talking I felt a bit of light seep in, and after a while I couldn't stop smiling at how damned enthusiastic Malena was talking about the future, even if I only heard half of it. What stuck out was: She was going to stay, she'd take care of things, and she'd let me make my own choices. And I wouldn't have to come home every night and go straight to my room so I wouldn't wake mom up. She even said I could quit my part time job if I wanted to. Which meant more time with Sam, more time with Jazz, and less of a bitchy ME to deal with for them!

All that went through my mind, like a skipping CD, was '_for once I don't have to take care of it, for once I don't have to take care of it_'.

I was nearly giggling by the time she finished. When she asked what I thought of the whole thing she got another big hug and a resounding "YES!"

Things were about to change for the better, I could feel it.

* * *

_He was lucky that the human named 'Hammond' was in the police records as well as the female Malena Banes, or he'd never have tracked them all down. Well, Frenzy would have never tracked them down. Credit where credit is due. _

_After securing the Witwickys and calming the spastic Frenzy down, he made a quick report to Blackout and proceeded to track down the Banes sisters, finding them finally registered at a hotel downtown. Neither was present when he drove past, but he'd had Frenzy dig up information on that Hammond person and found him at a warehouse, talking with the elder Banes sister. Barricade very much wanted to take her right then and there, but he needed them both, so he held back. He instead followed her for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening, learning bits and pieces about his target that may or may not be useful later in interrogation. _

_Now, Barricade sat idling a block away from where the two human females were staying, listening and scanning as well as he could from this distance, relieved that he had found them and that they were together. It would make things easier if he could get them both at once and not have one or the other kicking and screaming in his already torn up back seat while he hunted the other down. And he was determined to get at least ONE human that had direct allegiance to the Autobots, just as extra incentive for them to cave to demands. And, well, whenever Soundwave arrived, it would be useful to have that one human around… Soundwave was very persuasive when it came to information gathering. _

_The sun had set by now, but the two humans were still awake, chatting. Barricade could not make out specifics, just a drone of sound, but he knew they were both still in there. He would have to wait til they both came out before he took them. Anticipating a long boring night, he sighed and sunk low on his tires. _

_Two hours later he was immersed in that game Frenzy had showed him earlier, Tetris, and was doing a damned good job at it too, when his sensors showed movement. _

_The sisters emerged from their hotel room, wearing dark clothing, snickering at each other. _

"_Well, I know Bolivia, he won't shut the hell up. Better we look at 'em now when he's gone home and deal with his yabberin' ass tomorrow."_

"_Is this even legal?"_

"…_Probably not."_

"_Oh."_

_Barricade backed into shadows as the sisters passed him by, watching them skip off down the street. _

"_Bolivia's…"_

_He did a quick search on the internet and found only one place in town with that name, a used car dealership not a mile away. He found the quickest route there, scouted a spot where the two females would pass right beside him, and parked. Perfect._

* * *

Next chapter: Cade gets molested. You have been warned. LOL.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks to those who've had a word or two to say. You guys rule. Oh, and **Lashana**… make me. :P -snerk-_

_This is a longer chappie, and it has, well, some gratuitous groping and a bit of violence. Have fun with it!_

* * *

A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

(11)

_I'm gonna have a car! A real one! Not one that talks back or randomly kicks me out for being lippy or tries to squash me or hits on my sister! A car! I can drive anytime I want!_ For the life of me I couldn't wipe the grin off my face or stop myself from skipping every couple of steps. It wouldn't be mine tonight, but I could look, like window shopping with a guarantee I'd be getting it tomorrow. Hell, if we wanted to, really wanted to, we could even take the sucker out for a test drive and have it back with nobody able to tell! Maybe Malena would let me drive it alone, and I could go out to the Autobots and show the guys! Sam was staying overnight so he'd be there. Bonus if Jazz was still crotchety about the air freshener too… Wait, maybe not, he'd outrun me and trash the car.

I was so excited when we rounded the corner and could see the big ugly sign and cheesy multi-coloured flags and streamers of Bolivia's that I literally squeaked.

"God, you're worse than at Christmas! Calm down or we're gonna get caught!" my sister admonished, but smiling at the same time. I grabbed her hand and dragged her along behind me, in a hurry to get into the lot and take a look. They were junkers, every one of em, but with both me AND my sister working on it, within a month it'd be something respectable, sexy AND powerful, and… another thought I couldn't suppress, the mere idea that this place was where Sam met Bumblebee… it was just pure nostalgia, and a hint of hope again. This place is where Sam's life changed. And I couldn't help but feel it might do the same for me. Stupid, yes, but meh…

When Malena suddenly stopped dead in her tracks I almost wiped out. "What?!"

She shooshed me with a look and nodded down the block a little. "Cops."

_Fuck_! The tell-tale black and white paint and the lights on top, sitting innocently there on the side of the road, just fucking ruined my night. I squinted, trying to see if there was anyone inside but my vision couldn't penetrate the window tint, especially at night and from this distance.

"Stay here. Act normal." Malena ordered, then started walking right towards it like it wasn't even there.

_Normal? On a street corner? Why don't you just say Hey Mouse, look like a hooke_r! I wanted to stop her, feeling a little nervous. Well, we WERE about to break into the car dealership… and Malena wasn't known for being nice to cops. But she wouldn't be stopped once her mind was on something.

She stuck to the shadows, and Mikaela now saw the feasibility of wearing dark clothes. Even from this distance the round circle of her face and the light dots of her hands were hardly distinguishable from a stray beam of light on the wooden fence nearby, and her skin was a little darker than mine anyway so it only helped. Quick as a cat she made her way closer to the cop car, checking once in a while over her shoulder to see if I was doing what she told me, until she was right on top of it.

I glanced longingly over at Bolivia's, itching to just hop the fence and start browsing, when Malena's harsh whisper called out, "Hey Mouse, it's okay, the big bitch is empty."

_Yeah, great, that's all well and good, but where there's a car, there's a cop. So where was he?_ I tried to think if there were any local donut shops nearby and couldn't think of one. _Hmmm…_

I as much as told Malena the same thing, but she was far too busy admiring the car. "Holy shit! I have NEVER seen a pig-mobile like THIS before! I've seen Interceptors before but they were all speed but no muscle. Lookit the ASS on this thing! Ya know, Mustangs always looked better from behind, and this is NO exception."

_Mustang? COP CAR? OH FUCK! _I squinted again and confirmed my suspicions… Unit 643. _Please, PLEASE let him be recharging… oh… oh no… Malena don't even THINK about it!_

Before I could even call out a warning to her, Malena slapped both hands down on the Interceptors curvy back end and groaned. "Oh, hun, too bad you've been recruited by the Fuzz, or I'd take you home, rub you down, polish you, and show you how to really get your engine roarin'."

* * *

_Barricade was speechless. Utterly speechless. _

_The females hands were all over his rear end, caressing, tracing the indented 'SALEEN' lettering with the tips of her fingers and… and the words pouring from her were so blatantly suggestive… he nearly blew a circuit trying to keep from groaning. Organic or not, the female had a good grip, and… he hadn't been touched like that in centuries. It was hard not to react to the attention, even though the younger Banes woman was inching closer with an expression of abject horror on her face. He would have laughed at that at least if it weren't for him being unforgivably groped. _

_He felt a little dirty._

_And worse…he liked it._

_The others would never let him live this down if word got out. Barricade, shock-trooper and renowned hunter of Autobots, getting even the slightest enjoyment from the primitive hands of an organic meatbag female? As the humans said, 'Aw, hell no.'_

_Before he could even think to transform and get this woman to stop feeling him up, she moved away from his aft and slid small fingers firmly along his side, pressing into the seams between his windows and the rest of his body, humming happily as she went. The younger Banes stood there frozen and gaping, and he felt an ounce of sympathy in realizing he'd be doing the same thing if he was on his own two legs right now. By_ Primus_ it felt good. Every sensor on his skin was keyed up and hypersensitive now, every touch sending little reverberating jolts of pleasure though his entire frame…_

"_Mmmm, I love a car that's built for destruction." The elder moaned, sliding around his front and mercilessly gripping his combination grill guard/ram bar. "Oh, you can ram me with this thing ANYDAY." Then she grunted and bumped him with her hip._

_Somewhere in his brain, something fizzled and smoked._

_He barely heard the younger Banes finally get up her nerve to speak. "MALENA! GET. AWAY. FROM. THE. EVIL. POLICE CAR!"_

_Not heeding the plea from her sibling, the elder female easily hopped up and settled on his hood, leaning back and resting on her elbows, legs dangling over his grill guard. "He's not evil, he just has an ugly-ass paintjob! He can't help that now can he?" _

'Wanna bet, fleshie?'_ Barricade tried to put the pleasing sensations aside. The human was remarkably warm and her weight on his hood felt rather good. He didn't know whether it was motivated by plain old morbid curiosity or just the plain fun of it, but he wanted to know what this crazy female would do next. She patted him with both hands, tipped her head back and looked upside down at his windshield. "Can you imagine playing Ship's Mast on this thing?"_

_The fear radiated off of the young one as she grabbed her sister's foot and tugged it. "Lena, trust me, you do NOT want to be sittin' there. Get. Off. Now." Her voice sounded quiet yet urgent, afraid, yet a little… entertained? Perhaps she thought that if he hadn't moved by now, he wouldn't, or couldn't, that if she kept her voice muffled enough he would not hear. She couldn't be more wrong. He just didn't feel like moving at the moment. This was getting to be way too much fun. _

"_Why not? You see any pigs oinkin' around here? No." Then she flopped onto the hood, spreading her arms wide, hair fanned out from where her head lay fall a little into the air vents under his windshield. It TICKLED, and Barricade had to use every trick he'd learned from several millennia of scouting practice to keep from letting out undignified giggles. "Mmm, the engine's still warm."_

_Appearing frustrated, the younger Banes woman started to dig through a small bag that hung around her shoulder, finally pulling out a small cellular device, then she looked doubtfully up at Barricade and his purring… erm…passenger. _

"_I don't know whether to videotape this or call for help." She mumbled helplessly. Her sister raised her head with a 'hmmm?' but when she didn't reply, just let her head drop heavily back onto Barricade's hood._

"_Ow." Human heads were harder than he thought! _

_He didn't realize he'd said that aloud until the elder Banes jerked. "Whatthefuck?!"_

"_I TOLD YOU!" The young human panicked and quickly tapped something into her phone and simultaneously reach for her sister. Barricade decided enough was enough. _

_He sent a relatively light shock through his frame, centering the current on his hood and making the female lying there yelp and roll off. "Motherfuck!"_

_Grinning to himself he began his transformation, keeping his sensors trained on the two slowly retreating humans. The elder was still flat on her back and staring incredulously up at him as he shifted into his bi-pedal mode, completely and totally awestruck and terrified, while the other finished typing on her phone and ran for her sister. "Come on! RUN!"_

_Too late, squishies. You're mine. _

* * *

That rumbling growl is something I could have gone without hearing for the rest of my life. Watching the police car collapse and reshape itself, I pressed SEND on my cell-phone, the SOS now sent to Sam, Bee, Jazz, Everyone, and by the time Barricade finished transforming, I'd palmed my phone and made a run for my sister. We were both completely boned, and I knew it, but I had to try. "Come on! RUN!" I screamed, reaching for my sister's shoulders as she backed away crab-style from the towering black mech.

Glowing crimson eyes fell upon us both and I felt my heart freeze in my chest. How could I have been so fucking STUPID!? I knew damned well what he was! I knew he could have, at any moment, up and run us over, squished us with one of his giant fists, blasted us to ash, and yet I stood there just gaping as my sister rolled wantonly on his hood and made jokes! I could have done something! I knew and I still didn't do anything! And now we were both going to die because I didn't make her move, didn't run, didn't react faster. I felt like the stupidest waste of flesh on the planet.

I was just so… mesmerized by my sister's (naïve) guts and, my god, the evil fucking cop car just sitting there taking it! I thought maybe we caught a break and he'd been injured or asleep, and what Malena was doing to him was just so…so funny!

I wondered how long he'd been awake for my sister's attentions and cringed internally.

She'd backed off about ten feet and I reached her and shook her shoulders, trying to get her attention and lift her to her feet so we could make some sort of a futile escape attempt. Maybe if we could get somewhere sheltered we could stay hidden long enough for the Autobots to show up. Hide in one of Bobby Bolivia's cars or something…

Barricade hadn't been inactive while I moved, taking a single step towards us and leaning down, resting massive clawed hands on either side of us. Malena hadn't looked away from him for a second, I don't think she even blinked the entire time, and now that he'd gotten so close I could see the shifting slats of metal in his face I couldn't look away either. I felt like my nickname, trapped under the gaping maw of a hungry cat.

It didn't help one little big when the 'cat' grinned and growled. My already tight grip on my sister's black leather jacket got even tighter as I felt my heart drop into my stomach. We were going to die.

That's when my sister snapped out of it, and faster than I could say 'you crazy bitch' she lifted a comparatively small arm and smacked the Decepticon across the mouth.

"Get the FUCK AWAY from MY SISTER!"

* * *

'_Did that human just fraggin' SLAP ME?!' Barricade thought, shocked into total stillness. Just five seconds before she'd been so terrified he thought she'd have off-lined from fright, then BAM. He had to give it to her; the female had some courage…_

'_And a good strong grip!' came a random thought. Barricade shut it down immediately. _

_Now he was having a stare-down with a fleshie. She was not backing down and he'd rather melt in the Pit than lose. This was ridiculous. Playing with a human, Primus, what else would he be reduced to? Maybe next he'd roll over and let her fondle his spark-casing like some sentimental organic-loving Autobot… _

_HAH!_

_While he was staring down the elder sister, the younger seemed to snap out of her fear-induced stupor and took action, getting to her feet, nearly hitting the crest on his head. Barricade's attention snapped away from the still-prone form of her sister and focussed on the child, who radiated rage and fear and a protectiveness that nearly shocked Barricade into stillness again. Idly he wondered if the males in this family had the same audacity the females kept displaying…_

"_You gonna hover all fucking night, Decepticon?" She barked, face distorted in loathing. Her elder sibling twitched and looked up at her._

"_Deceptiwhat?" she paused, looking at her sister, then up at Barricade, and he swore he could see the thoughts in her head finally click into place. "You know this… thing?"_

_Barricade wasn't about to tolerate being insulted and ordered around by a couple of weakling organics, whether he slightly admired their 'guts' or not. He rose and snatched the younger Banes in a claw and squeezed enough to cut off her shriek but not permanently disable her. The elder took that moment to get to her feet and attack. He could have laughed and just stood there watching her kicking his foot if it weren't for the time-restraints… any minute the Autobots could show up and he wanted to avoid that confrontation for now… live now, fight later… so he growled and picked the other sister up as well._

_Then he thought about it… how the Pit was he going to get both of them inside him? He now regretted not bringing Frenzy along… he could have dragged them unconscious into his back seat or something. Now he was stuck standing in the middle of a slightly populated area with two squirming females in his fists and had no clue now what to do with them!_

'_Use your hologram, fool!' _

_The sisters hadn't been inactive while he stood there thinking, one slipping out of her bovine-hide sheathing and had nearly worked her way out of his grip, while the other had found a gap between two of his fingers and was attempting to wriggle between them. _

'_I don't think so, fleshies.'_

_He opened both hands and they fell, hitting the pavement feet first. He was back in his car-disguise before they'd even gotten back up, and activating his hologram, jumped to restrain the nearest one. He had seen how well this one could fight so he wrestled her arms behind her back and yanked her backwards, causing her to groan with the strain on her muscles. _

"_LENA! Let her go you asshole!"_

_While her sister yelled, his captive tried head-butting him, kicking him, trying to knock him off balance. Entertaining though it was, he had a time limit here, so he got down to business. Once again utilizing his seldom used holoform vocals, he growled "Stop moving, meatbag, or I will snap both of your arms." _

"_Go fuck yourself." She snarled back, renewing her struggles. Then, and Barricade was flummoxed by this, she started spouting gibberish. He could have looked up the language on the internet but he had neither the time nor the inclination to bother. "Unray. Etgay otay oliviasbay andway aystay erethay iltay elphay omescay. Ontday orryway aboutway emay."_

'_What?! What the Pit language is this?' It sounded like Frenzy when he over-energized!_

"_Uckfay atthay itshay!" the smaller sister replied, taking a step toward the tussling pair. _

"_DO IT!"_

* * *

'_Like hell I will…'_ I thought angrily, taking another step towards Malena and her captor, determined to get right on top of them and beat the coolant or whatever right out of his twitching corpse.

The day was _just_ getting better and this shit had to happen. I was sick of it! Plain fucking sick! How dare he intrude on this? After weeks without a sign, without a true sighting of him, he just up and shows up and tries to fuck things up for me again? _I don't fucking think so._

The uniformed Decepticon yanked Malena back another step towards his alt-mode and rumbled, "Do what I say, fleshie, and I won't be forced to terminate..."

He was interrupted by the sound of sirens in the distance, which to me, right now, was the most beautiful sound in the world. I only hoped it was Ratchet, not another cop.

Barricade grumbled and started to drag my sister to his now accessible back seat. '_Distract him you useless bitch! Just another couple of minutes til help gets here!'_

'_Oh yeah? What're you gonna do, girl-slap him? He's a hologram_'_, _her rational side argued.

"_I have to do something!'_

'_You can run. You know you'll lose this fight, he'll just overpower you and capture you too. Live now, fight later. Go. GO!' _

Barricade by now had Malena halfway shoved into his back seat and was struggling to get her kicking legs inside, all the while she screamed for me to run, get help. I knew she was just fighting to give me time to run, distract the 'Con til someone showed up to help…

_Run…_

He finally got her inside and slammed the door before Malena could get back out, and turned to come after me. "Come here, fleshie…"

But I wasn't looking at him. I was looking past him, at the flashing orange lights that came swinging around a corner a few blocks down, quickly regaining control of its course and speeding towards us. Barricade spun and saw the same thing. "SLAG!"

I took advantage of his distraction and ran like hell the other way. Maybe, just maybe, he'd come after me and it'd give the Autobots time to catch up and squash this piece of shit.

Unfortunately he wasn't that dumb.

When I looked over my shoulder, his hologram was gone and the Saleen's headlights were on full blast, aimed right for me. _Oh, great, he's gonna run me over. Ratchet's going to find nothing but a double-creased corpse and some tire-treads, and my sister will be gone. _The engine revved and with a burn-out that would have impressed gear-heads worldwide, he shot straight towards me. I rolled to my left, scraping my knees on the pavement as he roared past, but I didn't avoid him completely, his bumper clipping my shoulder and spinning me flat on my back as his rear tire missed flattening my skull by mere inches.

My vision darkened and my head spun from the pain and the sudden drain of adrenaline, parched throat choking on his exhaust. I could hear the sirens get louder and louder and within seconds they stopped right next to me, along with the rumbling of three engines, one smaller and two large.

I couldn't hear Barricade's anymore.

* * *

a/n: Pig Latin. I had to.

oh, and for this chapter I had Queen's I'm in Love with My Car in my head. LOL. go find the lyrics, they're hilarious.

... and finally, got a question: should I change this to a T rating? Some of you know this doesn't have any smut in it, it's mostly cussing and innuendo. does this fic rate an M or should I knock it down to T?


	12. Chapter 12

Just to let you know, I know fuck all about head trauma. Or the human body in general. So I'm guessing. Badly. LOL. Just enjoy the story.

oh, and thanks for all the faves and stuff. :) glad to know some peeps are enjoyin' the mayhem. and yes, i dropped it to a T rating, thanks for the advice.

* * *

(12)

I don't remember much after the guys showed up. I don't even remember WHO showed up, besides Ratchet, whose gentle presence (and bright green paintjob) was unmistakable. Even though he was yelling at whoever else was there to back off and give me space, he was soothing to me. Which, in my present state of mind, I did NOT want. I wanted them to get angry, to go after Barricade, leave me there on the pavement if need be. But at the time I couldn't make any noise other than a grunt or a cry, which was beyond fucking frustrating. Not for the first time did I wish I had one of those internal communication systems like they did, at least I could tell em to piss off and find my sister.

I don't know how long it was til I woke up again, but I was no longer on concrete, and where ever I lay was soft, warm. Even though my eyes were still closed I saw bright light hitting the other side of my eyelids and really didn't want to open them.

"She was very lucky…"

"Lucky?!" a shrill, panicked voice interrupted. Had to be Sam.

"Yes, Sam. Lucky. If she hadn't moved when she did…" He didn't finish, and I was grateful. "It could have been much worse. She's got a slight concussion and a dislocated shoulder…"

"Whereas she could have busted her head open and lost an arm, I understand that Ratchet, but… fuck!"

"Language Sam." Aaaaaand that had to be Bee. I smirked.

"Hey! She's awake!"

Another voice grumbled, "About time." **CLANK**. "Frag you, what was that for?"

Jazz's usually melodic voice was tainted with barely reined in anger, "You're a sparkless old shit sometimes, you know that?"

Ironhide grumbled. "I'm not sparkless, I just want to know what happened to her so I can go shoot at it."

_Awww, thanks big guy_. He might be a gruff old codger sometimes, but it was sweet all the same.

"Both of you, quiet." And there was Prime, somewhere to the left and very high up, ever the muttering leader. Jazz just growled.

I tried to tell them to shut the light off but it came out more like "Ton light ov pwees." _Oh, yeah, that made sense_.

Thankfully Ratchet, used to the ramblings of the injured, turned the light off. "Alright, you see? She's functional, now, get out, all of you. She doesn't need to be crowded."

Mass protest erupted, especially from Sam and Jazz. Ironhide wanted to interrogate me and Prime wanted to hover. Bee just kicked something. Ratchet wasn't having any of it though, and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was an over-bright Ratchet waving his big ol' saw around and glaring. "OUT!"

I almost ran with them… would have if I could move. Ratchet could be quite frightening when wielding a big saw. _Christ, is this what the others have to go through?_ I watched a fuzzy Optimus literally pick up both a blurry Jazz and Sam and haul them out, Ironhide and Bee trailing behind. The door clanked shut, and Ratchet finally withdrew the saw. He huffed and looked down at me. "How are you feeling?"

I made to sit up but he poked me back down onto… a mattress? _Huh, when'd he pick this thing up? _"My head hurts. 'N I can't see right."

"How?"

"Everythin's fuzzy, too bright."

"Do you remember your name?"

I frowned. "What?! Of course I do. Where the hell is my sister?" I sat up again and again Ratchet's big finger pushed me back down. "Goddamn it Ratchet, let me up!"

"You're as mulish as Ironhide. Stay put or I'll have to strap you down."

He stood there for a moment as if making sure I wouldn't move, then stomped off mumbling, "Slagging stubborn…ungrateful…not a doctor… GET BACK IN BED!" He caught me trying to roll off the bed. "You're concussed and your arm hasn't healed, and you've got superficial wounds on your hands and knees. You're not going ANYWHERE until I see fit for you to do so. NOW STAY PUT."

"Okay." I meeped, too tired to argue anymore anyway. _He's worse than Malena! _

_Oh hell_. Just thinking of my sister in the hands of Barricade, not knowing whether she was still alive… how confused she must be if she was. She had NO clue what was going on, who he was, who he was factioned with…my eyes welled up. I couldn't even see straight, how the hell was I going to get to her?

Ratchet's expression softened. "I know you're worried about your sister. But you won't help anyone if you put yourself in danger and further injure yourself. Understand?" I nodded. "Good. Now, I've reset your arm and cleaned your wounds, but… you hit your head fairly hard and although there's no bleeding, I'd still like to keep an eye on you for a few hours. Just rest and let me know if anything feels…odd."

I nodded again. I wondered if I could sleep, so I asked. "Yes. I'll be waking you up every couple of hours to check on you though, so don't get snippy when I do."

Given permission, I turned on my side away from Ratchet and closed my eyes, envisioning all sorts of things Malena could be enduring right now. Completely swallowed by guilt, for not acting sooner, for not attacking when I had the chance, I cried, and cried hard.

_God this sucks._

* * *

"_YOU KILLED MY SISTER YOU SON OF A BITCH!" __**Kick. **__"DIE! DIE!" __**Kick. **__"When I get out of here…" __**Kick.**__ "…I'll tear your big metallic ass to SHREDS!" __**KICKKICKKICK.**_

"_STOP THAT!"_

"_Fuck you!" __**KICK. **_

_Barricade was a second away from gassing the frantic and thoroughly pissed off human. She had not stopped yelling and screaming and kicking since he got her inside him, and didn't show any signs of stopping. She had reopened wounds that were just healing from the Witwicky female's high-heeled shoes and now she was trying her hardest to kick a hole through his roof. She'd put a substantial dent in it already, and it was getting painful and annoying. He had to do something._

"_If I told you I failed to terminate her, would you STOP KICKING ME?"_

_The human paused mid-kick. "You're just saying that so I'll stop putting holes in your upholstery."_

"_Don't flatter yourself. The holes were already there, you just made them worse, fleshie."_

_She was quick to reply, "Oh, so you keep helpless women in your backseat a lot, huh? Pervert."_

"_Ugh! You disgusting human!"_

"_Denial is only the first step towards acceptance." She said enigmatically._

"_Frag this, I'll just gas you."_

"_Try it and I'll light my zippo." She dug a silver rectangular lighter out of a pocket and brandished it. Barricade knew the consequences of adding fire to this particular concoction of gas and shuddered._

"_You wouldn't." He'd have a hard time cleaning out his charred interior… not to mention repairing whatever got fried or melted._

"_Hey, if I'm going down I'm taking your ugly ass down with me."_

"_Funny, human, I thought you liked my ass." Barricade cringed internally. _'I can't believe I just said that.'

"_That was before I found out what a horrid flake of rectal fungus you were."_

"_Pathetic fleshbag."_

"_Overblown bumpercar."_

"_Maggot."_

"_Pussy."_

_It went on like that for a few minutes as Barricade sped closer to base, back and forth insults that were perverse, infuriating and surprisingly enjoyable. _'At least she stopped kicking me'_. _

_Silence fell after they ran out of insults, which gave Barricade time to contemplate the strange female in his backseat. He didn't know how she did it, but she seemed to have mostly gotten past that terror displayed when he first transformed. Most humans he'd ran into over the past couple of years on earth took a lot longer to become used to his presence, if ever (and if he didn't squish 'em first). Maybe she really was glitched in the skull. Or maybe her hatred of him overrode her fear. Either way, it was intriguing._

_She lay there drumming her fingers on the seat beneath her, staring at the roof where she'd kicked out a rather large foot-sized dent, then sat up and dug through another pocket. She produced a little cardboard package and drew out something cylindrical and…alarmingly familiar. She lit one end with the lighter she carried and put the other end in her mouth. Not ten seconds later his interior was filled with acrid smoke. _

"_Put that out. I will not have you filling me with carcinogens."_

"_What? You'll get cancer?"_

"…_no." But they'd stink him up for a while._

"_Then shut the fuck up."_

_Barricade growled. He'd swerve or gas her but both risked more damage to him. The human seemed to know it too, grinning smugly and sucked back more smoke. He tried another tactic. _'Pretend you're an Autobot…again.'

"_You should quit. That is a disgusting habit and fatal to humans."_

"_I'll quit smoking the day you get a new paintjob. Anyways, what do you care?"_

"_I DON'T."_

"_If it bugs you so much just roll a window down. Big baby."_

_As much as he hated to admit, she was right. He rolled both windows down a couple of inches and his interior cleared almost immediately. They flung insults at each other for a few more minutes, til finally the human threw her cigarette out the window, sighed, and laid her head back on the seat. "You were telling the truth?"_

_Huh? Oh. Her bratty sister. "Yes. Unfortunately I only clipped her. She was still functional when I left."_

"_Unfortunately? Asshole." She aimed a kick at his seat. "What the fuck are you anyways? And what did you want with her, besides trying to splatter her all over the road?" She kicked his seat again for emphasis and crossed her arms. "You fucking know each other somehow… what the hell did she get tangled up in?" She seemed to be talking more to herself than Barricade now, and it was more than a little frustrating. "Does any of this have to do with Mission City? You a military experiment? Alien? Some fuckin' teenager's robotic slave? What?"_

_He braked so suddenly she flew forward and hit her head on the passenger seat. "Do all humans talk as much as you or is it a 'family' trait?"_

_The human picked herself up off the floor, swiping at the new bump on her forehead. "Get bent." Her foot connected with his driver's seat yet again, further tearing the 'fabric' and jarring the light circuitry underneath. He growled with the pain of it, not meaning to, just not being able to help it. So many hits in one small space, it'd be sensitive there for a long time to come. The human grinned. "Does that hurt?"_

"_YES."_

_She nodded. "Good!" __**KICK.**_

"_Slag it all, desist or I'll…"_

_She scoffed. "You'll what? Strangle me with your seatbelts? Give me a good talkin' to? I'm peeing my undies in terror here, pig." __**KICK.**_

"_You have a serious glitch in your processors, fleshie."_

"_No shit." She said, like it was obvious. __**KICK.**_

_That one mashed a few wires and shorted a circuit, and Barricade officially ran out of patience. "All right, that's it!" He swerved on the road, cut across two lanes of traffic, weaving back and forth between honking vehicles and their angry drivers, narrowly missing a dump truck, causing the unrestrained human in the backseat to fall all over the place, and he made sure he felt the lighter had hit the floor before he let the gas loose. It was worth the risk to get her to stop kicking him. Internal flame damage he could handle. Her yapping mouth and heavy boots he could not. _

_She had enough strength to snap "Sore loser" before her head hit the seat with a thud of finality that had Barricade nearly groan in happiness. The mouthy human was unconscious in less than a minute, and Barricade basked in the painless silence the rest of the way to the base. _

* * *

When I next awoke I was on a harder surface but still surrounded by warmth. I felt cocooned, and loved it. I felt Sam in front of me, and something else behind, both radiating a pleasant heat that made me want to forget for a little while why I should open my eyes and get moving.

A smooth deep voice from behind me both ruined my luxury and made my day. "Hey, babygirl, how're ya feelin'?" Jazz. Must have put us both on the floor with him as he'd never fit on the bed.

"Like dog shit. You?" My voice was muffled by Sam's shoulder but Jazz understood anyway if his chuckling said anything.

"'M fine, now that I know _you're_ alright."

'_You could smooth-talk a gaggle of nuns into a life of debauchery' _I thought of Jazz with an internal snort. Reluctantly I moved my head from the warm hardness of Sam's body and looked over at my self-appointed guardian. He was laid next to us on his side, positioned so we were halfway avoiding his chest (I called them his Auto-Boobs once and he near ran me over) but right in front of his face. His visor was down so I knew he was worried, just doing his best to hide it and look 'cool'.

I looked around for Sam's guardian but there was no yellow to be seen. "Where's Bee?" I whispered, conscious of the snoring boy next to me. He looked so sweet, bed-mussed and wrinkled, I didn't have the heart to wake him.

"He went off to Sam's place to gather some things. Sam didn't wanna leave yer side."

Yes, my heart did a pitter-patter, I admit it. None of the other guys I'd dated would be this sweet. Despite everything I smiled.

"And Ratchet actually let you two in here?"

Jazz flashed a triumphant grin. "Nope."

_Sneaks. Ratchet's gonna go BOOM if he finds out_. "Thank you." I said sincerely, touching Jazz's cheek with my good arm. In return Jazz latched onto the blanket we were both on and pulled it closer so we were snuggled pretty close to his chest and neck. He absolutely radiated heat, and something I'd felt only once from being this close to him… Love. Protection. Safety. The emotion emanated from him more vividly than his warmth did, almost a pulsing physical presence in and of itself that curled around both me and Sam. I'd never felt safer in my life.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

I almost didn't hear him he spoke so softly. And it made me irrationally angry.

"Oh, don't you DARE pin the blame for this on yourself." I thwacked him one on his headlight with my leg and glared up into his visor. Even with his eyes covered he looked surprised. "You _came_, and you got me out of there. I might not be _alive_ if it weren't for you and Ratch. So don't start guilt-tripping yourself."

"But…"

"But nothing, Jazz. None of it would have happened if I weren't so fuckin' stupid." I felt my cheeks burn with guilt and shame as I began pouring the story of what happened out to Jazz (excluding the more… Malena-perverted parts), how I just stood there, how I didn't move fast enough, or even call out a warning, how I delayed sending an SOS, how I could have stopped Barricade from taking my sister. By the end I was crying and Jazz had tugged me right up against his neck and head and I hugged it as well as I could. As much as I wanted the comfort I didn't deserve it, so I let go and started to pull away, only to be stopped by Sam.

He was rolled right up against my back now, glaring down at me with a look of impatient exasperation, then he turned the look up to Jazz.

"Geez. Both of you…" He shook his head. "You're worse than Prime. None of this shit is your fault, either of you! Jazz, you couldn't have known what that shithead was up to, and Mikki, if you went up against him… you're my girlfriend and I love you, but he'd have kicked your ass and taken you too. You both did _what you could_. Nothing more, nothing less. Now quit guilt-tripping yourselves. Got it?"

We both nodded, unable to do anything else for fear of him going off on a tangent again.

"Good. Now go back to sleep. We might not have time to once things get rolling." Sam smiled and kissed my cheek, then lay back down and snuggled his face into my hair like a puppy, cautiously avoiding the bruised bit.

The med bay lay in silence for a few minutes besides the hum of Jazz's internals and Sam's snoring… then:

"I think he just channelled Ironhide."

"I'll call an exorcist."

**CLANK**

"Ow. Cheeky lil meat bag, yer lucky she's guardin' ya."


	13. Chapter 13

I had to post this quickly, really, cause I wanted to respond to **Anonymous**, and since they didn't leave their name, well, only way to do it.

Yes, I have a thing against cops. My OC does as well. Hers are her own reasons, different than mine. Sam probably loved cops before Cade came along.

My reasons are my own, but I've seen the darker side of law enforcement one too many times to have blind faith in their 'protection'. Sure, there's exceptions to my perception, the community cop at my old high school years and years ago was a nice guy, he'd play basketball with us and talk. But like I said, exception to the rule.

Beware who you label trash. They might just be the exception to the rule as well. -raises own eyebrow- if you want to talk this out, just PM me, I'd be glad to hear the other side of the argument.

Now that that's out of the way, enjoy the story.

* * *

_Got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. And right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. I'm just saying that it's fckin' dangerous to have a racecar in the fckin' red. It could blow_. Pulp Fiction

(13)

_Blackout escorted Barricade to the holding cells, where Frenzy sat in not-so-vigilant guard, playing with his laptop and listening to some strange human music that had three of the four prisoners covering their ears. The newly caught human was still out cold, dragged behind Barricade by her feet gripped in one hand. Barricade sort of wished the floor was not so smooth so she'd get a little more roughed up, minor payback for putting so many dents and scratches on and in him. But it was not to be. _

_Frenzy stopped typing away on his laptop and looked up at the two towering mechs as they entered the room, and paused the music when Blackout gave him a look promising imminent death if he didn't. "Where's the other one Cadecade?"_

_He really did not want to answer that, so he ignored the query and marched to the holding cells. Of the three, two were filled, so he dragged Banes to the one on the farthest end and unceremoniously pushed/rolled her tiny form inside and shut the door. _

_The other humans immediately began yelling._

"_Hey! We need food in here!" Said the lone male._

_His mate did a little dance. "And a bathroom!"_

"_My baby needs a change!"_

"_If you don't let us out of here I'm going to beat the crap out of you!"_

"_Honey, hush."_

"_Wahhhhhh!"_

_Blackout visibly cringed when the infant began wailing, and it was all Barricade could do to stop himself from laughing at him in front of the humans. Through internal comms, Blackout sent _'Hear that? I had THAT inside me for half a fucking hour!'

_Frenzy was completely unsympathetic. _'I've had it since I went on guard duty, Blackout.'_ How Frenzy could speak normally through comm systems was a mystery to Barricade, but he managed it._

_Blackout wouldn't let it go. "Make the child cease that noise, female, NOW!" the unhappy mech threatened, ducking down to look through the bars at the female and her infant. _

_The light-haired female didn't even bat an eye, reaching behind her and throwing something small and white at Blackout. It sailed effortlessly between the bars and hit him on one shoulder, making an unpleasant wet sound and sticking. The other two conscious humans broke out in gales of laughter, soon joined by Frenzy when he saw what had happened. Barricade took a quick look, then turned his head away, disgusted._

"_Ugh! That stench! Blackout, go clean yourself, who knows what that substance will do to your armour!"_

_Blackout looked about ready to bust through the cage and remove the Lennox female's head. She got defiantly to her feet and glared right back. "See, this is what happens when you let a baby sit in their own waste for this long. It pisses off the mother. You do NOT want to piss off a mother. Now, I want my purse. Right. Now."_

_Blackout was completely flustered and very VERY angry. Barricade stepped up and pushed him away from the cell before he could do anything stupid, addressing the female, "You are not in a position to make demands, fleshie."_

"_You want Annabelle to stop crying, you get my purse. It's that simple. Or do I have to use smaller words?" Although her voice was moderate and soft, her eyes were near flaming, and she walked right up to the bars, fearless. _

_Frenzy wasn't helping one bit, sitting back on his chair giggling. Barricade vowed to strangle him later. "Frenzy, retrieve this humans effects."_

"_B-b-b-busy!"_

_Blackout kicked the chair Frenzy was seated on, busting it into splinters. "GO GET HER BELONGINGS YOU INSUBORDINATE LITTLE SLAGGER!"_

_Frenzy skittered off, cussing in Cybertronian and giving Blackout the finger the entire way out of the room. _

_When Blackout roared, the baby cried louder. The Lennox female gave Barricade a nod and went back to her child, holding and talking to her. Situation diffused, Barricade pushed Blackout out of the room and more or less ordered him to go wash up, the stench was horrific. Reluctantly, Blackout listened, not liking being ordered about but agreeing that he stunk. _

_Left alone with the prisoners, Barricade leaned against the wall opposite the cages and shut his optics for a moment. He'd not had a decent recharge in nearly a week and it was wearing on his systems, not to mention the additional stress of hostage-taking and the resulting damage. Although not life-threatening, all the kicking and punching had done a number on him, leaving limbs and torso with a dull ache that he'd never thought a human capable of. The temptation to just fall into a light recharge and allow self-repairs to do their job uninhibited was too much to bear, and he didn't realize he'd actually nodded off until Frenzy tapped his leg a few times._

"_Cadecade?"_

_He groggily repositioned himself against the wall, trying to make it look casual. "Don't call me that." He snapped irritably. _

_Frenzy ignored the tone, little blue eyes looking up at his partner with concern. "Couldn't wake you. Should recharge." He pointed a tiny finger at the door. Barricade shook his head. _

_A rustling noise caught his attention, and he found the Lennox female digging through a large blue bag with ducks sewn all over it, muttering to herself, then pulling a few things out with a triumphant cry. "Yes!"_

_Barricade moved closer to the cells so he could keep an eye on what she was doing, just in case. Frenzy just reconfigured himself and slipped between the bars, watching her movements carefully. "I want that back when you're finished with it, fleshie." Barricade growled._

_Lennox mumbled "Yeah, yeah, keep your panties on," and continued digging. "Here. Glad I carried extras." She threw a few small items at the Witwickys, which they eagerly grabbed off the floor, exuberant in their gratefulness. Barricade scanned the items and found they were just bars of food, and let it go. No harm in them eating._

_She cleaned and changed the infant, and both Frenzy and Barricade watched with rapt attention, never having seen anything like it before. She moved expertly, like she'd done this thousands of times. Then she proceeded to feed the little human with a bottle, apologizing for it's temperature. _

_While he observed the process of cleaning and feeding a human sparkling he couldn't help but be taken back to Pre-War days, when Cybertronian sparklings were not uncommon, when at one point even he'd considered a future with a family of his own. It was his one big regret, not taking the chance. _

_But he pushed those thoughts aside. Yet another thing that was not to be. He would have to be content in observing, researching… with just a little reservation he looked up everything on human infant-raising on the internet, just to be prepared. If they were to keep these humans as hostages for any extended period he would have to keep this infant alive. This young they were very fragile and dependant on their parents, but especially their mother. _

_She appeared to be finished with the bag, so Barricade reached a finger in and plucked it away from her, asking Frenzy if he'd seen her take anything suspicious out of the bag. Frenzy replied in the negative._

"_I'm going to need that again later." Lennox said softly so as not to wake her now sleeping infant. Barricade gave a nod and set it next to the splintered bits of Frenzy's chair, feeling just a little like he was being too damned compliant, but at the same time, he knew now the requirements of the child, so he made exception for this. _

_About two human hours later, Barricade was back against the wall, sitting on the floor with Frenzy splayed out over one of his thighs in deep recharge. He'd been listening to the humans discussing the new prisoner and the Witwicky female observing that she looked much like 'Sam's girlfriend'. She'd not moved since he'd gassed her earlier and showed no signs of waking anytime soon, which had all three humans a little worried. He watched as Lennox gently passed the infant over to Judy Witwicky with a smile and a thank you. The older female seemed to relish the opportunity to hold the infant, immediately making herself comfortable and showing the baby to the male…who looked afraid. _

"_We're not having another one, Judy."_

"_But Ron… look at her!"_

"_No."_

_Lennox giggled and told stories of her mate already wanting another one, to which Witwicky scoffed, "Just wait til little Annabelle hits puberty, he'll change his mind like that!" he snapped his fingers._

_The baby immediately began to wail and both females barked at him. "RON!" Barricade found it amusing how quickly the large male shrunk. Even the strongest mech couldn't stand up to two angry femmes, he knew that from experience._

_A miserable groan came from the Banes female, who finally woke up. "Shhhhhit, what is that noise?! Sounds like a goddamn jet." _

"_It's my baby, and I'd thank you to watch your language." Lennox replied, taking her child back. Barricade stayed where he was, watching as Banes woke up fully, raising her head and looking around. _

"_Baby? Shit, sorry." She rolled and sat up, looking through the bars at the other prisoners. "Sorry 'bout that. Head feels funny."_

_Lennox nodded and smiled. "Glad to see you awake."_

"_Me too. Where am I?"_

_The male Witwicky cast a glance over at Barricade and the twitching Frenzy, "Ask that thing."_

_Banes's eyes found him and she growled. "You…"_

_Barricade fought the immediate instinct that screamed for retreat, but conceded that it was indeed time for Blackout to take over guard duty for a few hours._

* * *

"Why that sly little fragger, when'd he sneak in here?"

"Give 'im a break, Ratch."

"I'll _break_ his head open."

The sound of an amused snort from who could only be Ironhide woke all three of us.

"You guys don't know the meaning of 'whisper', do you?" I grumped, adjusting my hold on my two boys as Sam stretched and Jazz curled a little more. I guessed Jazz heard Ratchet's threat and was making a futile attempt to, well, hide. Even his big blue optics had a little plea in them that practically screamed 'save me!'

"We're Autobots. We don't whisper." Ironhide stated with pride.

Ratchet was quick with a correction, "No, _you_ don't whisper. The rest of us know how to modulate our vocals."

"Guys?" I tried to get their attention, much to Jazz's (albeit silent) protest.

Ironhide completely ignored us. "I know how to, I just don't bother."

"Because you're an arrogant old mech with no common sense."

"Slag you, _Hatchet_."

"Guys?"

"Oh, clever comeback, _Bessie_." Ratchet grinned.

"Ugh! I told you not to say that name!"

Entertaining though this line of conversation was, I had more important things to do, which included getting off my ass and hunting for my sister. "GUYS!"

Sam snorted into his hand. "Bessie?"

Jazz giggled. "_Bessie?!_ Oh man, I'm keepin' that one in mind."

Ironhide knelt down to Jazz's still prone position, forming a giant fist and shaking it right in front of his optics. "Repeat it, punk, and I'll rearrange your face with my fist."

"ENOUGH!"

The room went dead silent. Ironhide backed off and Ratchet looked down at me with surprise. Even Sam looked a bit anxious.

"Thank you. Now, any news?" I glared at Ironhide, _daring_ him to say something shitty. It'd be funny, a tiny little human intimidating a 20-something foot mech, if I hadn't been so pissed off. There were other things much more important than their petty squabbling and flamboyant joking, and I was not in the mood to tolerate any of it. Banes women were dangerous when first woken, and I was no exception.

Ironhide stood and put his hands on his 'hips', resuming his tough guy image with his usual flair, refusing to be cowed. "Nothing yet, but Bumblebee just returned from Sam's residence. He didn't make any report to me, he just asked where Prime was."

Ratchet continued, "Didn't even transform, he was in such a rush."

"Think maybe he got a signal or something?" Sam asked, finally getting the courage to hug me from behind. I appreciated the support, it wasn't everyday I went spastic on the guys. Jazz got to his feet and nodded.

"Maybe. Nothin' less would keep 'im from comin' straight back here to you, Sam."

I felt Sam smile into my hair and squeezed his hands. "Then let's go find him." I said to Jazz, who nodded again and started off.

"Hold on there, Mikaela." Ratchet's big-ass hand blocked my path. "I did not release you from my care yet."

"Then release me so I can find my sister. I feel fine." Well, it wasn't a complete lie. I was dizzy still, but I could, as he put it, 'function'.

He conceded only after he thoroughly scanned me. Twice. Then a series of questions that I put a stop to after the ninth and just walked out with Jazz hurrying me along. "He'll go on til you're forty if you let him."

Ratchet leaned out the med bay door and yelled, "That is a deliberate exaggeration, Jazz. And I don't want her walking just yet."

With a heavy sigh I allowed Jazz to carry me instead, Sam trotting along by our side, eager to see Bee. We were met halfway to Prime's 'office' (the cordoned off area he used to recharge and receive visitors in) by an anxious Bumblebee and a thoroughly pissed off Optimus Prime…who appeared to be carrying something small and brown in one slightly curled hand.

Bee spotted Sam and immediately ran to his side, plucking him straight off the floor and holding him as close as he could without injuring his charge. Sam laughed nervously, "Good to see you too, Bee, but can I please breathe?"

Bee reluctantly loosened his hold, and I could feel the mixed worry and relief radiating off the young mech. It was incredibly sweet, the obvious feeling the soldier had for my boyfriend. If I didn't know any better I'd say _they_ were dating.

Jazz seemed to have the same thoughts when he whispered to me "Sam and Silent Bee." I giggled. Visualizing Bee with a beard and a trench coat was too damned much.

A little chuffing sound came from Prime… or rather, his hand. Everyone stopped moving and looked up at Optimus's hand. He obligingly lowered his hand closer to the ground so it was level to our vision. The big guy looked so completely upset at what he held so gently.

Sam was the first to discern what the little brown shape was.

"MOJO!"


	14. Chapter 14

Hey guys!

Thanks for all the faves, and that kick ass review, Z. I wish I could have replied to ya via PM. :) That butt is molestable, innit? And she IS underwritten in quite a few fics for a girl with so much potential.

* * *

_B.A., going up to a traffic cop who's writing out a ticket for your van, and eating the citation right in front of his face, absolutely falls under "starting trouble_. the A-Team

(14)

Sam hastily jumped off Bee and practically leapt onto Optimus's palm to see to his puppy. Jazz pre-empted my own escape and put me gently on the floor so I could join my panicked boyfriend. Luckily there was nothing wrong with Mojo, visibly at least. Sam had the dog firmly wrapped in his arms and hugged him tight, and I settled behind him and embraced both Sam and the dog from behind. Optimus didn't seem to mind being bent over this awkwardly, but after a couple of minutes the sense of urgency in him got to us all, so I asked what the hell happened.

As Prime straightened, taking the three of us with him, Bee trudged up and stated that he'd rather not explain yet, at least not until they'd found Ratchet and Ironhide. Jazz informed them that they were still in the med bay, so we made our way there. Prime slammed the door open, anger dulled yet still simmering beneath the surface. Mentally I promised that I'd suggest we both go shoot rocks together later, after this was all over. He looked like he needed it.

"Prime! What the slag?" Ratchet didn't look none too pleased to have Prime stomping around his med bay looking like he was about to tear the place to shreds.

"Quiet Ratchet. I have news."

He didn't sound right being so blunt, so forlorn. It wasn't new to hear him sound sad but, not like this. I expected the worst, especially with Sam curled up around his dog like this and Bee looking… not much like Bee usually did.

Prime gently dropped the two of us on the floor and Bee immediately went back to Sam's side. Ironhide spotted what Sam held and backed up. "RODENT!" and predictably out came the cannons.

"Ironhide, desist." Prime ordered, completely humourless. Hearing that tone got Hide's attention and hesitantly he ditched the cannons, though he did spare a nasty glance at Mojo, who simply ruffed at the big black mech. Prime looked down at Bee. "Go ahead."

The quick and ugly version of events, accented with Bee's constant hovering presence over his charge, was explained rather bluntly. Bee got to Sam's place and found absolutely nothing out of place. He went all holo-ninja up to Sam's room and packed a bag for him, then went to go say hi to Mojo out of pure habit… only to find him stuck up a tree in the back yard. It would have been a laughable situation but he knew Judy Witwicky would have mangled anyone who dared do something like that to her dog… so Bee looked around a little more. The car was still in the garage, dinner was still on the living room table in front of the TV, Judy's wineglass still half full. Bee'd been living with them long enough to know Judy hated dishes on the living room table, so anal about her cleanliness that she'd not sleep til they were clean and put away.

"Though there is no exterior damage to the house, the conditions point to their disappearance not being out of normal circumstances. I suspect that the Decepticons have Sam's parents, as well as Mikaela's sibling."

"WHAT?!" Sam screeched, ducking out from under Bee's fingers and staring up at his guardian.

Optimus looked to Ironhide, who shifted uncomfortably in place. "Unfortunately that is not the end of it. I just received a panicked call from Captain Lennox…"

Prime didn't even get the chance to finish, as Ironhide began to roar. "I'LL KILL EM! I'LL BLAST THEIR SORRY AFTS BACK TO CYBERTRON! WHERE ARE THEY?"

It took both Prime and Ratchet to stop him from running right out of the med bay. "Lemme go slaggitall! They've got the sparkling, Prime!"

While Ironhide was restrained (mostly using threats of stasis lock from Ratchet just to keep him still), Sam…buckled. Bee was immediately there to catch him before he could hit the floor, wrapping Sam in his big hands and lifting him to eye level. I stood there helplessly, knowing exactly how Sam felt but unable to do a fucking thing about it. I don't know what made my heart clench more, Sam crumbling, or Ironhide's ballistic reaction to baby Annabelle's disappearance. Jazz stood behind me and kept a finger on my shoulder, and weird though it was, the gesture was reassuring.

"Sam, we'll find your parents." He told the crying boy, looking more determined then I'd ever seen him, even in Mission City. This was no cute little yellow 'bot standing here. This was a soldier making a solemn vow to his charge, and come hell or high water he'd live up to that promise.

Ratchet spoke up, "What would they want all these humans for?"

"Hostages." I guessed, a bitterness in my voice I hadn't heard in a while. "Vengeance. Information. Take your pick."

Prime heaved a great sigh, optics faded just a little more than usual. "There's more."

"What, they got Glen and Maggie too?" Jazz asked, to Prime's surprise.

"No, but… I shall contact them immediately, convince them to relocate until this is resolved."

"What is it, Optimus?" Ratchet was finally beginning to sound nervous.

"I received a call from Secretary Keller. There's been a sighting…"

"A new arrival?" This could be good news…right?

Jazz was much less optimistic. "Not ours, I'm guessin'."

"No. When I attempted contact, the frequency was quite purposely jammed."

"Oh…shit." Jazz hissed, obviously not liking the news.

"What? Who is it?"

"Dunno for sure, but if I'm right, it's someone ya don't ever want to meet, Mikaela."

"We don't have much time. Estimated time of arrival is within the next ten hours."

* * *

_Barricade was welcomed back into the holding cell area with a cry of "I smell bacon!" and the resulting giggles from the Lennox female._

_It seemed Blackout had even less patience for the endless yammering of three females than Barricade did, and within a few hours he was called back to take over guard duty by Frenzy, who had just barely talked Blackout out of squeezing the Banes female til her head popped off. "Only for c-c-c-couple hours… have cameras now!" So as Barricade shoved a still fuming Blackout out of the room Frenzy went about installing a couple of video cameras so that the Decepticons didn't have to sit there on constant vigil… and the cameras, bless Frenzy's black spark, had a mute option. _

_So after retrieving the Lennox female's bag for her a second time, Barricade made himself comfortable on the floor and listened in to the conversation between the humans, who summarily ignored his presence. For some reason it didn't really bother him as it usually would, but the conversation caught his interest. Apparently they'd gotten to know each other quite well in his absence._

"_So, you're telling me your truck is alive?" Banes asked, sounding a little doubtful and more than a little glad she was in a separate cage from the blonde. He found it amusing that she doubted it. After all, she'd met _him_. _

_Surprisingly, the female Witwicky piped up. "So is my son's Camaro!"_

"_You're shittin' me."_

"_Language!" Lennox hissed._

"_The kid's asleep!"_

_While they argued, the male frowned. "Judy…"_

_She looked offended. "What? You didn't notice?" Barricade almost felt sorry for the little male, from the look his mate was giving him he was in deep slag for doubting her word. Yet, he had to wonder how dense the male really was to not know he had a Cybertronian living in his driveway._

"_Sam's Camaro isn't alive, it's just… creepy." He answered weakly._

_Banes quipped "And that dude isn't?" glancing in Barricade's direction._

"_And the fact that it magically changed from a rusted out hunk of junk to a shiny new car didn't make you even the tiniest bit suspicious?" Lennox laughed, bouncing the infant on her knee. _

"_The government gave it to him after the whole kidnapping mix-up…thing." _

"_And the radio glitches at 3 AM, not to mention the horn going off every time Sam's late?"_

"_Just that! Glitches!" The male argued, flustered._

"_And I suppose the giant footprint in the back lawn was a result of Sam's sudden growth spurt?" The female patted her husband's knee. "It's alright honey. Denial is the first step towards acceptance."_

_Barricade found himself wincing at hearing that expression again. Banes glanced at him and grinned._

_Lennox kept laughing. "You know, my hubby doesn't know I know either? He just gleefully goes on with his day, denies every night that he talks to his truck when I catch him in the act… and the truck itself? Pssht, forgetaboutit, it's even worse than Will! They're made for each other, stubborn. I even started calling him Bessie just to goad him into doing something other than sit there like a lump, but he won't budge. It's so funny."_

_Banes laughed. "_Bessie_? You're calling a big-ass Topkick with smokestacks Bessie? Ohhhh man, even if he weren't alive…" she didn't finish, caught up in a fit of laughter._

"_You should see Will when I say it, he _cringes_." _

_That sent the humans into a good long laughing session, all but the male, who sat there with his arms crossed. He looked over at Banes, who was starting to settle down. "Don't tell me you believe this crap?"_

_Banes narrowed her eyes. "Dude. That," she jabbed a thumb at Barricade, "is all the evidence I need. After seeing that big fucker… sorry Sarah… change from a cop car to a giant robot and back again, then form a Pig outta thin air, I'll pretty much believe anything. Though now I'm… a little freaked. My sister drives around in that Camaro."_

"_Oh, I wouldn't worry, honey, Sam's car is nothing like that thing." Witwicky gave him a derisive look, waving a hand around like she could erase him with a gesture._

_Barricade's warning snarl was also ignored. "I sure as shit hope not, especially since, I think, he can, ya know, make little… uh, projections too… and I threatened to kill him if he touched Mikki." Banes paused, embarrassed. "Are there any others?"_

_Lennox nodded. "I think so. Once in a while Will comes home with an entourage. I've seen a Hummer and a really cute little Pontiac, and I think… I'm pretty sure there's a semi in there too."_

"_Please don't tell me it's a silver Solstice." Banes deadpanned, obviously not wanting to hear the answer, eyes scrunched up and lips in a tight line._

"_Yeah! That's it!"_

"_Oh buggering fucking shitting hell!"_

_Lennox didn't even reprimand her for her language this time, Barricade noted. He was trying very hard not to laugh at Banes, who now paced back and forth in her cage, muttering to herself. Then she stopped in her tracks and yelled, "I hit on two giant robots in the space of a day. Wonderful! My sister's never gonna let me off the hook for this!" _

_That got her some strange looks and a smug smirk from Barricade. Well, she didn't technically hit on _him_, she hit on his alt-mode. Though he was sort of curious what she did to the resurrected Autobot that made her so frazzled. Couldn't have been worse than what he'd been through. He still felt a little dirty. _

_It was then that Frenzy made his appearance, announcing that the cameras were installed and functional. Barricade gladly got off the floor and followed him out, unable to keep a straight face for much longer anyways. At least from the security room he could laugh as much as he wanted and the humans would be none the wiser._

* * *

"FUCK!"

I'd paced the med bay for the past three hours, worried out of my skull, impatient to get moving, hear news, something, ANYTHING besides just standing around waiting for the next big disaster. Next to my footsteps the Med bay was silent. Bee and Sam were leaning next to a wall napping, well, Bee was against the wall, Sam was asleep on his legs, and Mojo was curled up on Sam's chest. Jazz had been standing there silently watching me, eventually zoning out. My sudden yelling startled him into drawing a weapon and dropping his visor, immediately combat-ready. It didn't take him long to realize he wasn't surrounded and put his weapons away with an embarrassed grin.

I stood there, staring up at my guardian, huffing and puffing and trying again not to cry or scream from pure frustration, and he seemed to understand what I needed without me having to say a goddamn thing. "Come on, let's get out of here."

_Sometimes I just love this 'bot_.

So we left the boys asleep in the med bay and got permission from Optimus to leave the base for a while, just to run some energy off. Will Lennox had arrived by then, looking like he hadn't slept in days, beside himself with worry and radiating more rage than I'd ever seen, more than even Ironhide, who had been doing the same as I, pacing back and forth muttering and fondling his cannons. Will put his weapons down long enough to allow me to embrace him. There wasn't a need to ask him if he was okay when he was so obviously not. I lost my sister, and sure that was bad, I was worried sick and scared as hell, but… Will lost his wife and little baby. That was on a whole other level of wrong.

"Only thing that's stopped me from going off the deep end…I mean, I come home and find my house torn in half, bullets everywhere… but no blood. No blood." He sighed, suddenly looking a hell of a lot older than he was. "Only thing. They took my girls alive."

I squeezed him a little tighter. "If I know Sarah at all, she's giving 'em a hell of a fight." No past tense here, his girls are _alive_. My sister is _alive_. Sam's parents are alive. No 'ifs'.

Ironhide chose this moment to stop pacing, obviously listening in to the conversation. "That femme is hell on two legs… if anyone could survive the Decepticons, it's her." It was said in a tone of such fondness that Will couldn't help but smile at his guardian/best friend.

"And she'll never let them lay a hand on that baby, not without them losing a few fingers and a quart of blood first." I smiled reassuringly, knowing damned well it was the truth. This time Will almost laughed, shyly wiping a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand and going back to tinkering with… I don't know what the hell it was but it was big and noisy-looking.

Didn't take long before his face broke into a wide grin. "I've met Sam's parents before… Judy's… Judy's a force to be reckoned with…" His eyes were big and watery when he looked up at me. "With those two together…" He snorted, "Man, I almost feel sorry for those Decepticon fuckers."

Ironhide grinned too. "I wouldn't be surprised if we got there, guns blazing to the rescue and find nothing but twitching mech parts all over the place."

_With my sister in the middle, beating on anything that moved with a 7 foot pole, hissing 'Stay down, bitch!'_ I left that unsaid, smiling weakly up at Jazz. "Let's go."

We left the guys to their manly cannon polishing, Jazz transforming once we got close to the exit and together we tore out of the base. That was one thing I adored about Jazz. He understood the need to just get out and drive around aimlessly for a few hours.

"That was really cool of ya," came Jazz's voice from his ridiculously funky speaker system.

"He needed _something_. He might be a soldier… but everything changes when it's your family on the line."

"Oh yeah…" he agreed. Jazz left it at that and I didn't need him to clarify. He'd already told me many times how close he was to Bumblebee, like they were brothers, not only soldiers… Hell, all five of 'em were like some big twisted family. I asked once if that made Ratchet the Mom and Jazz laughed for a good hour.

We cruised through Tranquility and beyond, Jazz performing stunts once in a while that might well have gotten us pulled over and arrested if there'd been cops around, just to keep things light. Other than the occasional scream or laugh, we said nothing, listening to the music Jazz played instead, this time less ethereal stuff and more hardcore metal (which was surprising cause really, I thought Jazz'd be more into the gangsta rap, the way he talked). Interested I actually listened to the lyrics, and had to restrain myself from hugging the steering wheel.

"_You know the rules, you all know the game/Try and do what's right/And I swear I can't complain/If I die tonight/But I don't think its in the stars/For me to go that way/I'll be here for a long, long time babe/I'm here to stay"_

"Motorhead?" I laughed, poking the dashboard.

"_Lemmy is God."_

I thought for a microsecond. "Airheads." _Come on, Brendan Fraser when he had long hair? How could I forget?_ My sisters influence showing through yet again.

"Damn."

For a while he scrolled through Motorhead songs, finding lyrics fitting for each and every person we knew. The best had to be Doctor Rock for Ratchet, which I immediately vetoed on the principle of… it was Ratchet. "_Lay down, turn around/Here come the sister gonna strip you down_" was not something I wanted to associate with the giant bright green mech. Though "_Keep still, take your pill/Or I'm gonna make you really ill_" actually sounded a lot like him.

I don't know when Jazz decided to stop by our old Lookout point, but after another 20 minutes of staring out the window singing I found the view changed to face the absolutely gorgeous sunset. Jazz parked near the big old tree and we sat there, again silently except for the stereo. It was strange, we weren't actually doing anything to find my sister, or the families of the others, but all the same I felt better. Distraction, movement, I wasn't sure what it was, but I no longer wanted to yank my hair out like… wow, two hours ago.

"Thanks Jazz."

He sounded genuinely confused. "For what?"

I grinned. "Being you."

His engine gave a happy purr and his windows rolled down, letting some fresh air flow through. I could smell the smoke of someone's barbeque and the light scent of heated rock, and for a few minutes there, watching the sun go down, listening to… _was that Pink Floyd_?... it was easy to pretend that nothing was wrong. I was just here with my best friend, hanging out listening to tunes.

Til suddenly they switched off and Jazz got really tense.

"What… What's up Jazz?"

"Shhh."

A moment later, Jazz's speakers blared to life again, this time with Aretha Franklin…

"_Rescue me/Oh take me in your arms/Rescue me/I want your tender charms/'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue/I need you and your love too…"_

His voice cut in but the song kept playing. "Sarah Lennox just sent me this via MMS."

"Sarah? How?" I felt the hope threaten to explode in my gut. At least one of them was alive!

"I don't know! She doesn't have my comm frequency… but it could be… uhhh," He paused, sounding suspiciously nervous.

"What?" If he didn't say something soon I'd find a way to strangle him.

"I… kinda… sorta…" his engine gave a fair imitation of an innocent cough, "gaveyoursistermynumber."

"WHAT?!"


	15. Chapter 15

Lashana: don't worry, you have the annoying thing down pat! -runs-

just kiddin' luv. –leghump- i wubs ya. and thanks for the warning. if they do delete it, i'll just repost it with an M. I just hope they're polite to warn me first or something.

that last chappie got a lot of response, thanks so much guys!

This chappie's a little far-fetched, so suspend disbelief and just enjoy it. I wrote it in a rush and I'm still too lazy to fix it. It's fun to imagine the situation tho... :D

* * *

(15)

_Frenzy snored._

_It was one of those little quirks that made life with the little hacker bearable. The sounds emanating from him were not nearly as horrendous as the rattling snorts coming from Ron Witwicky (which was the main reason he muted the surveillance after an hour of listening in), rather a series of, dare he think it, cute little clicks and whirrs and the occasional squeal as the tiny mech twitched in his dreams. Barricade laughed, quietly so as not to wake his partner, and thought that if the other Decepticons knew how much he really was fond of his partner, he'd be slagged for being defective or insane. It was one of many reasons Barricade dreaded the arrival of Frenzy's creator, as he'd probably see a lot less of the little slagger once he got here._

'What the_…' _

_A flicker of movement shook his attention away from his partner recharging face first on his laptop to the two screens in front of him. He'd been stuck on guard duty out here for a while, frankly getting quite tired of watching the humans pace, talk, and eventually snore… but Blackout was the only one besides Frenzy who knew what he was doing when it came to tracking the eventual descent of Soundwave, so here he was… and now, he wasn't quite sure what the slag he was watching._

_One of the two monitors had a long view of the cages, allowing only a slightly obstructed view of the captives (bars crisscrossing in the camera's sights prevented seeing all of Banes's cell at it's current zoom point), while the other offered a view from the opposite end, showing more of the Lennox female and her child, and the splintered remains of Frenzy's chair, and the exit. Four of the five humans were in recharge, curled around each other where they could to keep warm, but one was up, pacing and from what Barricade could see in the monitor, talking to herself. Interested, he flicked on the audio._

"…_call the cops…no… call Mikaela… yeah… wait, no… yeah…fuck…"_

_Call? How? Maybe it wasn't him that was defective… wait, no maybe about it; this human was definitely shorted out somewhere…_

_She stopped suddenly, grinning so maniacally it reminded Barricade of Frenzy in one of his crazier moods. "Fuck it."_

_She moved out of view so fast Barricade had trouble tinkering with the little control stick to zoom out enough to catch her in sight again. She'd moved to the corner where solid cement wall met cage bars, and, to the disgruntlement of Barricade, slipped between the wall and a very loose bar. _'Trust Blackout to build substandard cells. I'll use that bar on his head next time I see him'.

"_Ohhhh, fuck." Banes hissed, rubbing at her chest where the bar cut into her shirt. "Fucking tits."_

_Barricade snickered quietly. He knew he should be busting in there and foiling whatever the young human had in mind, but… this was fascinating. She'd not get far anyway, he locked the door quite firmly and there were no other escape routes._

_She knew the cameras were there, he knew that much by the glances up into the lenses. She flaunted it, how easily she escaped her cell, practically dancing across the room past the other two cages to where Sarah Lennox's bag lay. Why she didn't hurry or panic was beyond Barricade, he could have easily ran over there and busted the door open in 15 seconds flat, but she didn't seem to care. _

_She knelt and dug through the blue, duck covered bag with both hands, pulling out bottles, diapers, a few more of those bars of food, then got up and distributed them to the other two cages, pushing them in as far as her arm would reach, taking particular care not to wake the occupants. Barricade could barely hear her move except for the slightest scrape of her jeans against the cement or the puffs of her breath. She worked quickly, then stood up, making one final dive into the bag. A triumphant gleam lit up her eyes, and a nervous lump formed in the pit of Barricade's spark. _

_He zoomed in as close as he could with both cameras as she dropped the bag, grinning, then… and he couldn't believe she had the bolts to exhibit her intentions so blatantly… showed him the cellular phone she had in one hand, and her middle finger with the other. _

"_Checkmate, bitch."_

_It took Barricade only 12 seconds to get to knock Frenzy off his seat and run like Megatron had a cannon pointed at his aft to where the prisoners were stored, and 1.5 seconds to bust the door open, lock or not._

_He found Malena Banes sitting on the floor of her cell, cross-legged, looking for all the world like she hadn't moved for hours… except that she still had the cell phone and was calmly poking at the buttons. Barricade latched onto the bars of the cage, growling, ignoring the cries of the other prisoners as he tried to pry the bars apart enough to get his arm in there._

"_Give that to me now, human."_

_Banes impatiently waved him off, like he was a minor annoyance. "I'm on the phone!" she huffed, glaring momentarily at him before returning her attention to the little communication device. Barricade let out an enraged snarl, for once wishing he was Frenzy's size._

_FRENZY!_

_The little hacker stumbled into the room, but was distracted by the other humans yelling and throwing whatever was within reach at them both. Barricade reached over and plucked him up, telling him in rapid Cybertronian to get in there and stop her before she could transmit a signal. _

_Frenzy squeezed into the cell and ran for the girl, but it she'd already flicked the phone off. "There. Now, is there a problem officer?"_

_Barricade roared._

* * *

"_Come on baby and rescue me/'Coz I need you by my side/can't you see that I'm lonely…"_

If I hadn't been sitting inside Jazz at this very moment, I was damned sure he'd have sped off by now in an effort to evade my wrath. Buuuuut, he couldn't.

"You... you…_YOU_…!"

"Now, Mikaela…" Jazz began, vocals trembling just a little as he tried to reason with me, which, really, was a fruitless effort as I wasn't actually angry with him. But there was nothing wrong with letting him _think_ I was… I blamed stress.

"I don't wanna hear it! Do you realize she's ten feet shorter than you?"

"I'm sorry!" He sounded desperate, especially since I was digging my nails just a little into his gear stick.

"AND she's, like, a few thousand years younger than you! What're ya, a cradle robber?" I really was enjoying this way too much…

"But…"

My lips involuntarily twitched as I tacked on the _coup de gras_, "AND, to top it all off, your boobs are at least four cup-sizes bigger than hers!"

"Mikaela I'm…" something blipped as he caught on, followed by a rather frightening growl, "…gonna toss yer diabolical ass off the damn cliff!"

Screaming laughter I gripped Jazz's steering wheel tight as he furiously shook. "Get.OUT!"

It took him a minute of waggling and bouncing my seat but he eventually dumped me into the dirt. Jazz transformed quickly and reached for me, grinning maliciously.

_Oh shit. No Prime to hide on... _"Jazz, ummm, we should go, find the others. Call Prime."

"Oh, not yet…"

He snatched me up by the calf in one big four-fingered hand, leaving me to dangle upside down around his eye level. I waved, giggling at his inverted face. Thank goodness my shirt was tucked in or I'd be givin' him an eyeful of boob.

"You are one twisted, strange, evil little human."

"And you're one giant gullible horn-dog of an Autobot, but you love me anyway."

In two steps he had me squealing over the precipice, knowing full well he wouldn't drop me but paranoid all the same. Wiggling free wasn't on the agenda either, so I had to stay put. Damn it all.

The joy was evident in his voice as he called up Prime. "Yo, Boss-man!"

"Prime here."

_Nice of Jazz to let me hear it, the bastard. _My head felt a little funny. "You can let me down now, Jazz."

"I just got a message from Sarah Lennox's phone. They're alive!"

Cheers erupted in the background, as apparently Optimus was broadcasting the conversation as well. How handy to have an internal speaker system. Jazz continued, "I've already traced the signal. They're not two hours drive away from my current location."

"Jazz, lemme down."

He ignored me, but stepped away from the cliff's edge.

"Great news, Jazz. Send the co-ordinates and we'll meet you there."

"You got it, boss!"

"Oh, and Jazz?"

"Yessir?"

"Put her down."

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. Hanging limply with my arms crossed over my chest, I stuck out my tongue at the still stunned Jazz.

"How…"

"That's why they made me 'boss-man'. I know things."

"HAH! Owned!" I couldn't resist.

"Quiet you."

"Now, soldier." Ordered Prime in a stern voice marred by his own version of giddiness. "On her feet." He clarified quickly much to Jazz's dismay.

"Damn."

Prime's orders were carried out swiftly and with much grumbling, and as soon as the blood ran out of my head and my equilibrium came back I gave Jazz a quick boot to the foot. "Loony."

He reached for me again but I skipped away easily. "Ho!"

"Jazz!"

"Sorry, Prime."

Again the background noise intruded, a boisterous Ironhide announcing in no uncertain terms that he was 'ready to smear them 'Cons all over the Western Hemisphere,' and Captain Lennox following it up with "If my wife hasn't done it first!', and finished with jovial, tension-relieving laughter from absolutely everyone. Even Prime was affected, his deep rumbling laughter clear over the comm line.

"Autobots, roll out and kick ass!"

More cheers erupted, loud engine revs, that cool sound of the mechs shifting form, whoops, "Yeah!", and the inevitable "We rollin', bitch!" from my daft guardian.

Jazz transformed and I dove in, feeling the excited energy crackling through him and the hope surging through us both. Deafening sounds of multiple engines firing up blew out Jazz's speakers as Jazz himself tore off from the Lookout, shooting rocks and dirt in a wide arc behind him. I belted myself in, grinning like mad, eager to get there and kick some ass, exhilaration threatening to explode so much that I had to hug Jazz's steering wheel again and howl. He laughed and shut the comm lines down, instead switching on what we both called 'glory music', rolled his windows down again and together we sang, speeding who knows how fast towards the signal base.

It didn't take long for him to shut the music off again. Static came for a second, then Sam's giggling voice played.

"Mikki? Um… is it just my hormonally cracked out teenage brain, or did I hear Optimus Prime say 'kick ass'?"

_Oh my god… YES!!_

* * *

"_What now Cadecade?"_

"_Don't call me that." Barricade grumped, glaring holes through the unconscious female. He couldn't very well leave her in the cell, she'd just get out again, but then again, he didn't have any place else to put her. And besides, she'd already done the worst thing she could have done, really. Frenzy did a quick hack into the phone and relayed that the last call was to an Autobot frequency… namely Jazz, the resurrected second in command and saboteur. Knowing that mech's tenacity from previous encounters, Barricade knew he and the other Autobots were already on their way to smash the three of them into tiny twitching parts. In essence, he didn't know 'what now'… besides maybe bending over and kissing their afts goodbye._

_He'd already informed Blackout of what happened and received a loud and long scolding for his inaction, which Barricade returned full force. Who's fault was it that the human could slip between the bars like they weren't even there? Who was responsible for shoddy craftsmanship? Certainly not Barricade and he let Blackout know this in a long grandiose lecture that hopefully left the Pave Low's audios ring for a human week. _

_Frenzy slumped against the wall. "I wish Soundwave was here." He said in such a forlorn voice that Barricade couldn't help but be affected. A little hopeless himself, he settled down next to him, still ignoring the humans yelling and bitching at him, and rested a finger on the hacker's shoulder._

_The plan had gone to the Pit. They were supposed to have eight human hostages, maybe ten if they'd went for the two hackers Frenzy faced in Hoover Dam, as hostages, bait, bartering chips and hell, even target practice if they got too mouthy. But they only got five. Soundwave was supposed to be here, ordering them about and scaring the humans into submission, digging in their heads for tidbits of information, and slagging Autobots left and right. But he wasn't there yet. They could have already been negotiating with the Autobots for that one small sliver of the Allspark that was left, they could be already on their way to retrieving Megatron from the depths of the Atlantic and resurrecting their fearless powerful leader, all done without conflict because of their fleshie shields, but no, they had to procrastinate. _

_Barricade could feel his long life ending, all because of some miniscule infuriating loud-mouthed insane audacious female meatbag…_

…_Who was just waking up. Shit._

Shit_? Barricade shook his head. He'd been on this planet too long. _

"_Ugh…"_

"_Malena! You okay?" Lennox cried, clutching her child tight to her chest. The Witwickys scrambled over to the bars closest to Banes asking the same thing, spouting out questions faster than Banes could answer._

"_Peachy. What the bloody hell happened?"_

"_The twitchy little robot bopped you on the head." Judy Witwicky answered, beckoning the young female over. She went and was promptly checked for bleeding head wounds. _

"_Better him than the doughnut-muncher, I suppose…"_

_Barricade very much wanted to rip the cage open and strangle Banes, and was seriously considering doing just that when his comm line blipped._

"_Barricade, Frenzy, get the hell out here."_

"_What…"_

"_Don't ask questions, just get out here. NOW."_

_Blackout sounded…thrilled. Curious despite himself, Barricade plucked up the depressingly limp Frenzy and strolled out of the prisoner's room. _

_He found Blackout outside, staring with a very strange grin on his face up at the sky… and the meteor that was slowly but surely getting bigger, easily seen despite the sky still being too light for stars to show through the polluted atmosphere._

"_He just signalled me. He felt Frenzy panic and boosted his speed. He'll be here in less than half an hour."_

"_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Frenzy screamed, wriggling out of Barricade's grasp, dropping to the dirt and running in a mad figure eight circuit around Blackout and Barricade's feet. "Soundwave! Soundwave! Eeeeee!"_

_Blackout, in a rare show of humour (well, rare in that it wasn't directed at Barricade's expense), smirked at him and rumbled, "Do you want to squish him, or shall I?"_

_Feeling his own black mood lift a little, he smacked his comrade's arm lightly and replied, "You go right ahead. Soundwave will be sure to appreciate the 'Welcome to this Pit-forsaken planet' gift."_

_They looked up at the meteor descending on them, thought for a moment, and simultaneously shuddered. _

"_No, I think I'd rather keep my head where it is, thanks."_

* * *

Heh, I still love that 'roll out and kick ass' line… can't you just hear it? :D


	16. Chapter 16

Happy Friday guys! THANK FUCKIN' GOD! Ima lay out on the grass all freakin' weekend.

-lovebumps- to all!

ps: if you get this chapie update twice, sorry... screwed somethin' up

* * *

_They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God_! - Blues Brothers

(16)

_Frenzy remained outside while Blackout secured the base and Barricade made a quick personal check on the prisoners. Banes hadn't moved from where Judy Witwicky held her, half conscious and unmoving, while Lennox and the male whispered to each other. Barricade made the split-second decision of moving Banes to another cell. She looked injured enough not to try to escape again, but he wasn't about to take any chances, not with Soundwave so close and Autobots on the way. It was risky enough for all of them to leave the base to meet up with the new arrival, they didn't need to come back to a bunch of empty cells. Ignoring the protests of the other prisoners, Barricade removed the semi-conscious Banes from her cell and shoved her to the Lennox cage, slamming the door and walking away with a simple order of "Behave."_

_Banes had enough strength to mumble "Eat shit," before her head slumped to the floor. He had to give it to her, she fought til she dropped. Too bad she was a human. And an Autobot ally, even unknowingly. Otherwise Barricade just might have found it in himself to respect her._

_By the time he got back outside Frenzy had worn a groove in the dirt around Blackout, still running circles around the giant mech and occasionally letting out excited squeaks._

"'_Cade, stop him. I'm getting dizzy." Blackout's crimson eyes pleaded, half joking and half ready-to-squish. Grumbling a little, Barricade did as asked if only to spare Frenzy's frenetic life._

_Blackout looked back at the warehouse-style building they'd commandeered as temporary base, rotors twitching. "Are you sure we should leave them here?"_

"_And who would carry them all? I refuse to have any of them in my interior again, Frenzy's too small and too… distracted at the moment to stay and watch them, and you need to be available to transport Soundwave if he arrives injured. Anyways, where would they go?"_

_Blackout conceded the point but didn't look pleased. Barricade somewhat shared his sentiment but there really was no other choice. They all needed to be there for Soundwave when he landed._

_Blackout had calculated the trajectory of the meteor, estimating it would hit about half a mile away, in amongst the rocky hills nearby. It wouldn't be a pleasant landing but if anyone could take it, it'd be Soundwave. Transforming, Barricade opened his doors for Frenzy, who skittered excitedly inside and proceeded to bounce all over his cabin, gabbing faster than he'd ever gabbed before in Barricade's memory. Blackout commed him, snickering. "I do not envy you right now, 'Cade."_

"_Don't call me that."_

_The three of them headed towards the estimated landing site, keeping an eye out on the steadily larger and brighter meteor as it got closer and closer to Earth. It didn't take long for it to penetrate the planet's atmosphere and careen into the rocks below, causing a miniature earthquake on impact. Barricade nearly lost control, narrowly avoiding colliding with a rock the size of Megatron's head, but gained some decent traction when the ground smoothed out. Gravel and sand were not the best for high speed off-roading when one had the form of a Saleen Mustang._

_The landing site was a burning mess. Somehow Soundwave found the one small patch of scrub out here in the desert and landed on it, setting instantly ablaze. Barricade laughed to himself, Soundwave sure knew how to make an entrance. He rolled up close to the end of the burning track and popped his doors open so Frenzy could disembark and find his creator. Blackout landed as Barricade transformed, both listening for Frenzy's sharp chattering over the roar of the fire, nearly smiling at each other. As much as they both dreaded and respected Soundwave, hearing his little creation squealing happily put them both at ease. It would be good to see another Decepticon around here, and more relieving to have one with an iota of intelligence._

_It only took a moment for Soundwave to emerge from the brushfire, massive (to Barricade at least) and intimidating, protoform reflecting the flickering orange of the blaze. Barricade watched in near awe of the lanky Cybertronian as he moved with a grace belying his size and obvious injuries, coolly taking in his surroundings and holding his creation close to his chest._

_Blackout was the first to step forward. Even though he was taller and much bulkier than Soundwave, he was still cowed by the telepath's presence, but tried not to show it as he greeted the new arrival. _

"_Hey, 'sup Soundwave! Welcome to Earth."_

_Barricade slapped a hand over his optics and groaned. Only Blackout would be so damned informal. Soundwave didn't seem to mind, looking for a long moment at the Pave Low, then nodded, finally turning his attention to Barricade. He felt his innards shift uncomfortably at that deadly crimson gaze, but summoned enough strength to step forward as well and greeted him much more properly._

"_Soundwave, welcome. It's been a long time." He lowered his head in supplication. Sure, he didn't like Soundwave one bit, but he wasn't about to contest his leadership. He was a soldier, not an officer. That and the Communications Officer would smear him all over the nice rocky landscape if he stepped out of line._

_Another nod. "Barricade, Blackout: Status?" _

_That monotone voice always gave Barricade the creeps, but he answered anyway. "Functional. Damage has been mostly repaired; the rest is taking care of itself."_

"_Megatron?"_

_This is where it got difficult. But before Barricade could formulate a response, Blackout blurted, "Slagged."_

_Soundwave made an indecipherable warble but otherwise remained calm. Barricade cast a glare in Blackout's direction, once again cursing his comrade's stupidity. Big, yes. Tough as nails, yes. Smart, a big fat NO. _

_Before he could do anything else, Barricade put a hand out for him. "Soundwave, things are difficult right now, and you are damaged. Autobots will be here soon and we need to get you under cover and repaired before they arrive. I'll explain things once we get there." _

_Soundwave didn't move for a moment, contemplating Barricade, then the tiny mech in his palm, and nodded. Barricade was thankful Soundwave hadn't invaded his mind yet. He was much too scattered and panicked to fight off such an assault and frankly he didn't want Soundwave finding out some things quite yet… like how badly damaged Frenzy had been not three weeks ago and under his care. He still felt guilty for that. _

"_Blackout…"_

_Blackout shifted form and opened up his rear hatch, allowing the damaged mech to fold himself down enough to fit inside. It'd be a tight fit but it was such a short ride it wouldn't matter. Frenzy remained with his creator, looking up at him with adoration and nearly purring in satisfaction. It never failed to amaze Barricade at the affection Soundwave showed for his creations, especially considering his treatment of everyone else. If one didn't look for it, they'd never guess the Communications Officer was capable of emotion at all, but as he laid inside Blackout, Barricade could see a subtle shift in body language and a flash in his red optics that betrayed his… dare he say love, for his little friend. _

_Feeling just a little abandoned, Barricade transformed once again and shot off towards base, trying not to think about his partner, missing the little fragger already._

* * *

It didn't take two whole hours for me and Jazz to get to the signal base, spotting the temporary Decepticon base after only an hour and a half. It helped that Jazz wasn't exactly respectful of the posted speed limits, pushing 200 miles an hour on straightaways, and fully capable of twice that if he hadn't had a passenger. As it was I felt the speed plaster me to his seat, and could only be glad that he decided against testing the limits, as it would likely only result in a sticky human paste all over his nice faux-leather interior.

We pulled up to the end of a short dirt road and stopped. Neither of us liked the 'something ain't right' feeling we both had, so instead of barging right in we hung back for a minute to survey the place. It'd be a while before the others showed up anyway, so there was no harm in taking a moment to get the layout of the area.

It looked like a hastily abandoned construction site, with bits of sheet metal, discarded I-beams and steel rods littering the rocky landscape, plus all sorts of strange looking vehicles I couldn't put a name to… one or two looking a little too much like Bonecrusher for comfort. I so much as said so to Jazz, so he did a quick scan of the yard and quashed that theory, saying something about Constructicons. I shrugged it off and kept looking around. The place really was ominous in the new dark, with the only decent lighting being the moon, and shadows everywhere, all possible places for Decepticons to hide. It was creepy as shit but all I had to do was remind myself that my sister was in there and my courage came shooting back.

Jazz moved silently closer, and once we got a better look at the vehicles, some of them looked like they'd been scavenged for parts, which was both reassuring and a little frightening. The building itself looked intimidating enough, even half constructed. From a glance it looked big enough to easily fit every Cybertronian on Earth comfortably and with room to spare.

This wouldn't be easy.

"Mikaela?"

_That big-ass dump truck might come in useful… ohhhh, a pile-driver! _

"Come on, girl, out ya git."

Jazz popped the door open and I slid out, thankful that I wore decent boots rather than open toed sandals. He quickly transformed, making a lot less noise than he usually did, and kept low and in shadow. He really _was_ built for this…

That was when reality hit me. We were really going to do this. Me, a tiny human girl, and a resurrected mech who hadn't been cleared for battle yet, were about to storm a Decepticon base filled with who knew how many evil mechs, to rescue a bunch of people, and try to get out with our hides intact. There wouldn't be backup for at least another half an hour, and I knew neither of us had the patience to wait that long. I tried to ignore that sensible finger of fear that wriggled its way into my gut, but when I looked around the abandoned site and the scary-ass building we were about to raid, it took hold. I was scared shitless.

Jazz noticed, and he smoothly slid to my side and knelt down, lifting my chin with one finger. "Mikaela…" he started, speaking in a soothing voice that did wonders for me, "I'm gonna take a look around. Could ya hang back, watch fer the others?"

_Oooooooooh, nice try… but no._ He even managed to make it sound so innocent, almost non-condescending! I would have applauded if it didn't piss me off so much.

"Like Hell!"

"Mik…"

"Uh uh, shut up. I know the whole 'make the squishable human feel useful' routine, so don't _even_ try it on me. I'm going with you and that's that."

Jazz stood and crossed his arms, visor down, trying to look intimidating. I crossed mine too without even realizing it, unwilling to back down, fear forgotten.

"It's too dangerous for you to go in there, Mikaela, and as your guardian, I forbid it."

"Oh, you're pullin' the 'all business' soldier boy thing now, huh? Pfft. Anyway, it's dangerous for you too! Or have _you_ forgotten Ratchet's explicit instructions for you to take it easy til he was _sure…_"

"You've got a concussion and an injured shoulder, and you're a hell of a lot more susceptible to weapons fire than I am."

"And YOU'RE forgetting that you're not super-bot, or do I need to remind you…"

"DON'T."

His voice came out louder than he'd obviously hoped and we both instinctually ducked a little and shut up for a moment. When we weren't immediately jumped by crazed Decepticons we resumed glaring at each other.

Then Jazz cracked a grin.

"Still scared?"

All the fight drained out of me as I looked up into his glowing blue visor and smart-ass grin. "You bastard." I said affectionately.

"Y' love me."

"Next time you recharge I'm painting you pink."

"I could always knock ya out n' leave ya in that forklift."

I merely quirked a brow and tapped my foot. "So what's the plan?"

He thought it over for a moment, so I hunted around and found a suitable weapon, a nicely weighted metal pole that wouldn't get in the way if I had to move fast. "Ooooh!" I took a few experimental swings, nearly hitting Jazz in the knee. "Sorry babe."

"No prob… shit! Duck!"

We both hit the dirt and rolled to the shelter of a rather large tractor as the sounds of helicopter rotors echoed around the site. I shuddered. Soon after that the roar of a familiar engine came too, and I dared to crawl under the tractor to get a better look. I was right, it was Barricade. And… Blackout? Wasn't that big son of a bitch scrapped by Will? They tore away from the base, leaving the doors wide open, and headed out into the desert.

Jazz grabbed my foot and dragged me back. "We gotta move." He rolled out from behind the tractor, then glanced up at the sky. I followed his gaze and gasped. It was just like when the Autobots arrived, but this time there was only one meteor, and it wasn't someone friendly and earth-saving.

"FUCK! He wasn't due for another three hours! Goddamn it!"

"He's a Decepticon, they're notoriously ruinin' my plans."

"Fuck."

Throwing caution to the wind we both picked our way across the dangerous dark terrain, me following Jazz's path as he could actually see where he was going, and tripping over every second step from all the debris laying around. The base was still quite a distance away, and we had to hurry, so Jazz stopped long enough to pluck me up in both hands and start running.

We'd made it most of the way there before the meteor flew right overtop of us, and I swear I could feel the heat off it singeing my hair. A second later the ground shook beneath our feet, but Jazz was practiced enough that he didn't stumble much. I would have been on my ass if I'd been on the ground.

"Time's up girlie, we gotta boot it."

"How long?"

"Not much."

After another minute we reached the warehouse-style building and he set me on my feet. "I'm gonna take a quick look inside, stay here."

He ran off to the open doors and took a peak inside, then ran back.

"It's empty. Dunno if there's any 'Cons in other rooms though, and it looks like there's a lot of 'em. We don't have time to go checkin' every one before they get back."

"So what're we gonna do then?" I was beginning to panic. I'd not seen Jazz act this flustered. Ever. And it wasn't exactly encouraging. I really hoped it wasn't that Soundwave guy he told me about a few hours ago, the way the others talked about him he wasn't much nicer than Megatron… but my luck was never that good.

Jazz nearly danced in place, looking a little lost but still thinking.

Then he stopped.

"Got it. C'mere."

* * *

_Barricade helped Soundwave out of the back of Blackout's alt-form, then waited for the giant mech to transform and share the load. Soundwave didn't show his appreciation but Frenzy did, yabbering endlessly about how good it was we were helping his creator and crawling up onto his shoulder, giving him a pat on the cheek. Barricade suppressed the tiny node in him that wanted to pluck his partner up off Soundwave's shoulder and run away with him, realizing that the telepath could at any moment pick through Barricade's mind and eliminate him. _

_They dragged/walked him inside and laid him out on the floor near where they did most of their repairs, a hastily thrown together 'Med Bay', mostly consisting of scavenged parts from the primitive vehicles outside and whatever tools they could scrounge up. Soundwave was more tired than injured, but there were a few blaster wounds and more than a few scrapes and dinted armour that could use attention. First priority was getting the big mech energized. Barricade got Blackout hunting down some energon while he explained the situation. _

_Soundwave listened silently, running a lazy finger up and down the metal spine of his purring creation, and stared at Barricade as he told him of the human prisoners, the initial plan, and the escape attempt. The Autobots would not be far away, and they would be angry. _

_Barricade shuddered. He knew what would come next. If he wanted Soundwave's help, he'd have to submit to the invasion, it was the only way Soundwave would trust his story. Wordlessly, Soundwave put Frenzy on the floor and beckoned to Barricade. _

"_Shouldn't you wait til you've fed? I mean…"_

'Here. Now'. _Soundwave's voice reverberated in Barricade's mind and he moved immediately to obey. He hated this part._

_Barricade knelt in front of Soundwave, trying to clear his mind of everything not pertaining to this mission. Frenzy left the room, chattering something about getting some air, but Barricade had to ignore him, focussing solely on the descending clawed hand of Soundwave. He knew the telepath could read his mind without physical touch, but it seemed to be more effective this way. _

_As soon as his pointed fingers touched on Barricade's crown, they both stiffened, and Barricade felt the firewalls around his memories blow away like they weren't even there. Soundwave first sought the memories of the mission for the Allspark, and Barricade related it to him with flashes of images and words. No, he didn't know exactly what happened to Lord Megatron, but Blackout did. _

_It maybe took 20 earth seconds for all the information to pass from one to the other, but for Barricade, it felt like hours, reliving the past four weeks in flashes of memory and bursts of feeling, pain, pity, pleasure… everything flowed, watching Bonecrusher die at the hands of Optimus Prime, finding Frenzy's broken body, salvaging Blackout before the humans could scrap him, watching the humans tow away the smoking remains of his Leader, finding this base, the resurrection of Prime's Lieutenant by way of the remaining sliver of the Allspark, nights upon nights of recon and repair, worry, despair, then the spark of hope when he came up with a preliminary plan, following the Banes sisters around, the attack, the imprisonment of the humans, and finally, Soundwave's landing and…Frenzy. _

_Soundwave paused at that, and Barricade mentally cringed. He did all that he could for the little guy! Barricade genuinely liked the hacker, didn't like seeing him hurt like that, half his head missing, that voice silenced. There was nothing he could do! Not with Megatron already flying after the Allspark and the rest of the Decepticons on the move. As much as he wanted to go help the little hacker he had to follow Megatron's orders or risk being scrapped himself. _

'Fear not Barricade. You did well.'

_Barricade's shoulders sagged in relief. A show of mercy on Soundwave's part was better than what he had expected. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy. _

"_AUTOBOTS! Barricade! AUTOBOT INVASION!"_

_Uncaring for the consequences the Saleen tossed Soundwave out of his mind, reeling for a moment when his optics came back online. Shaking off the dizziness from throwing off the connection so abruptly, he stood and ran to where Frenzy was still calling for him, hopping up and down and pointing outside. Soundwave, though injured, was hot on his heels, and Blackout wasn't far behind, still holding some low grade energon for Soundwave and looking very confused. _

_Barricade got to him first, kneeling down to the little hacker. "Where Frenzy?" He asked in a calming voice, still a little staggered from the mind-assault but surprisingly lightened because Frenzy called for _him_, not Soundwave. He wasn't forgotten. _

_The little silver mech pointed outside and Barricade heard a revving engine, then an echoing yell. _

"_YO DECEPTICREEPS! GET OUT HERE! Come on you pansy-ass scraps of tin foil!"_

_A small silver car zoomed past the entranceway and Barricade growled. Jazz…_

* * *

and before you ask, no, i haven't given soundwave an alt mode yet. well, I have, but he doesn't have it yet. LOL

and no i'm not telling you what it is.

thanks for readin'!


	17. Chapter 17

Longer Chappie, And things finally get violent. :D

oh, and Happy long weekend to my fellow Kanuckistanians.

* * *

_You let her go, you fkin' asshole, or I'm gonna' splatter your ugly face all over this nice car!_ - Thelma and Louise

(17)

_Why did I let him talk me into this? What the hell am I doing? I'm going to die. I am. Going. To. Die. They'll find my desiccated corpse three days from now when the smell gets too bad and attracts flies, and that little shit will pop off my skull and play kick-ball with it, and…_

I tugged my pant leg free from another wayward seam of the ventilation shaft I'd intelligently crawled into and was now completely lost in, wondering when exactly I'd lost my mind completely. Here I was, scooting around inside a flimsy metal shaft, trying to be quiet when 40 feet below lay the scariest fucking Decepticon I'd ever seen, next to Megatron. By some force of evil luck I'd crawled right over a slatted vent and had the chance to see what the big son of a bitch looked like, just in time to see him beckon Barricade over to him. He was… strange looking. Like he didn't have armour. I nearly giggled realizing that this is what the mechs looked like naked… and it took some of the fear away. Giant evil Decepticons weren't nearly as bone-chillingly scary when you thought of them as naked.

Like the other Decepticons I'd had the displeasure of meeting, this one was all sharp planes and pointy jutting chrome-like metal. Smaller than Megatron and Blackout, but bigger than Barricade, yet so much thinner than all of them. Like he was built to sneak, get places others couldn't. Almost like Jazz, but not nearly as pleasant. I wondered what he'd look like if he'd had an alt-form, but I don't think it'd change his creepiness factor much. Hell, he could outfit himself in lavender and posies and he'd still be scary looking. Even from 30 feet above his head I could make out that eerie red glow that somehow seemed more penetrating looking away from me than when Prime looked straight at me. Like he could read me without even looking my way.

I watched for a second as Barricade knelt in front of the new 'Con, wanting to see what the big mech would do, but reminded myself that I had to get going. Jazz'd be making his move soon and I couldn't delay this shit any longer. The more time I spent crawling around in the vents the more likely Jazz would take damage, and I wasn't about to allow that if I could help it.

As quietly as I could I wriggled further down the vent shaft, when I heard Jazz's engine rev and his smooth voice full of sarcasm and glee call out the 'Cons. Ooooh boy, did he have a mouth on him! No wonder they all looked so pissed off all the time.

I couldn't see them, but I heard three big mechs move away from below me and off towards the exit, so I changed tack and started crawling fast this time, paying no mind to the noise. From what I could tell it was only the four of them, Barricade, the big Copter, the spazz, and the new guy… hopefully I was right because there was no way I could take on anyone bigger than Frenzy, and even with him, that last time was lucky. I didn't have my pipe anymore.

Jazz had said that the prisoners (we mutually agreed to call them 'the prisoners', as 'the family' was just too…personal, and we both needed to be a little detached if we were going to do this right), would likely be stored somewhere in the back, furthest away from the exit, as was the way of the Decepticons. Before he boosted me up into the vent of choice, he'd given me something that looked like a medical tool from hell, saying that it picked every lock he'd ever run into, a tool of the trade he'd said, and told me to take good care of it. It looked delicate but I knew better than that. Anything made out of Cybertronian metals was a lot tougher than it looked. I stuffed it into my back pocket and with a final sad/scared look at Jazz, wriggled into the blackness.

It felt like forever crawling around in the vents, trying not to choke on sawdust and the dead hot air. Even from here I could hear the pot-shots the Decepticons were taking at Jazz. He wouldn't get hit. He was too damned fast. Or so I hoped.

I saw another light ahead and crawled faster, once again snagging my jeans but this time on a jagged piece of metal that dug just a little into my leg. I hissed as I pulled it free, but couldn't take the time to check on the cut. The shaft was just too damned small. I ignored the sting and kept crawling til I found a dip in the shaft…

_Oh this is going to suck._ The drop was roughly 45 degrees, a good slide, but I couldn't tell how long it was, only that there was light at the bottom. Maybe if I braced myself…

**-BOOM-**

_Jazz!_

Fuck. Out of time. Once again throwing caution to the wind I struggled and twisted til I could go down feet first, counted to four, then pushed off. The slide was longer than I thought it'd be and I hit bottom hard, rolling a couple of feet til I hit another vent and fell the last 7 feet to the dusty cement.

I bit back a scream as my shoulder was jarred again, and took a moment to calm down and recover a little… _oh holy fuck did that hurt_. I coughed some of the dust out of my lungs and got to my hands and knees, taking care not to jolt my shoulder any worse than it already was, then slowly got to my feet. There were a few doors around, one down the hall looked like it'd been bashed in with a wrecking ball, and there was light coming from inside.

_Why not?_ As good a choice as any.

I limped down the hall, listening carefully for the skittering sounds of Frenzy or the vibrations of the larger mechs, scared shitless that any second one of em would round the corner and see me. I stopped in my tracks though when I heard voices… of the un-metallic kind.

"What's going on out there?"

"Wahhhhhh!"

"Ughhh, fuck…"

_Malena!!_

I booked it the rest of the way down the hall, too filled with exultation to care whether I was making too much noise, sliding to a stop outside the giant doors and pushing like mad shit til one of them creaked open enough for me to squeeze through.

"MIKAELA!"

Judy stood and ran to the bars of the cage her and Ron were imprisoned in, looking for all the world like she'd been through World War 3 but still glittering with hope. I grinned wide. Ron joined her a second later, and I saw Sarah Lennox with Annabelle on the floor of the next cage over… and Malena, leaning against the far wall for support, smiling.

"Yer not an illusion, are ya Mouse? Cause right now I don't think I could take it."

I ran to my sister and she crawled forward to the bars, giggling, til we could touch each other. "Nope, you're real." She whispered, running a hand through my hair and grinning widely. I nearly bashed my head against the bars in my haste to one-arm hug my big sister, nearly crying in relief that she was still alive. Roughed up, but alive… along with both of Sam's parents AND Will's family.

"Umm, I hate to ruin a beautiful moment and all, but could you get us the hell out of here?" Sarah Lennox said with a smile.

I reluctantly let go of my sister, who promptly dropped back to the floor. I dug that weird lock-pick thing out of my back pocket and unlocked Sarah's cell first, then moved over to the Witwicky's. "Hi there!"

"You have my blessing to marry my son and give me lots and lots of grand-babies." Judy chirped, hopping up and down in place. Ron grinned and embraced his wife from behind as I jogged the door open, only to be tackled by them both and hugged so tight I nearly disappeared from view.

"Consider yourself adopted." Ron rumbled, kissing the top of my head. I had to giggle.

"Hey, can I have my sister back?"

They let me free and I ran to Malena and hugged her again. She looked like hell, bleeding from somewhere on her scalp, dirty as hell, exhausted but, and I had to laugh at the look on her face, she still had that mischievous glint in her eyes that told me more or less that she was ready to start some shit.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked, eyes narrowing at how I cradled my arm against my chest.

"Barricade. Then an unscheduled meeting with the floor outside." It still ached, but right now I couldn't give two shits.

My sister hissed and I had to swat her away or she'd be poking and prodding me for hours. As it was she was already growling, and I almost felt sorry for Barricade. She wouldn't be very nice to him next time they met.

Sarah gave me a bright smile and waved Annabelle's little hand at me. "Hey sweetie. What's going on?"

Letting my sister go and helping her to lean against the outside of the cells, I explained the situation. Right now, Jazz was acting as a distraction so I could get in here and set them free, but I hadn't heard much noise from outside in the past few minutes so I didn't know how long we had before the prisoners were checked on again. It was an obvious tactic, the distraction and infiltration, and we both knew it, but the Decepticons, especially Blackout (according to Jazz) weren't exactly the smartest mechs in the universe… so I had a few minutes.

Those minutes were most likely up.

"There's gotta be another way out of here; no way would they build a place like this without an emergency exit, a backdoor, something. I guess we'll have to find it."

"Yeah. I may be gutsy and stupid, but I'm not crazy enough to go strollin' out the front door like nothin's nothin'." Malena added.

_Think think think think…okay_. "Alright, I need all of you to listen to me. You too, Lena." I pointed at my sister, who grinned. "I want all of you to follow me, as quietly as you can. Sarah, you have to keep Annabelle quiet." She nodded. "I don't know exactly where I'm going, but I saw some stairs at the end of the hall here, maybe one of them leads to an emergency exit or something… and if all else fails, it's at least far and high enough away that the 'Cons will have trouble catching us if we're spotted. We need to move, and I mean right fucking now."

"How're we going to get away from here though?"

I shrugged. "I'm makin' this shit up as I go along. There's backup coming, but I don't know how soon they'll get here." Malena looked like she was about to give me shit for something so I shut her up fast. "I know, shush, I'll tell you everything later. Just…trust me, okay?"

"You sound like Will when he's on a tangent." Sarah remarked fondly.

_I guess the 'Bots have been rubbing off on me, and not in the nice wiggly way either…_

_Oh you perv! _

I snorted.

**-BOOM-**

_FUCK! Okay, go. Go now_.

I grabbed my sister's hand, looked quickly out the door both ways to see if the hallway was clear, and whispered harshly to the others to follow me, and keep quiet. Then I shot out the door, running the opposite way of the vent I fell out of, heading towards what looked like a bunch of steel beams and stairways. I didn't look back to see if the others were following, hearing them huffing and puffing to keep up was good enough. My sister was wavering on her feet but kept right on truckin'.

We reached the stairs in a heaving group, and I hustled them up the first flight, cringing at the clanging noise of multiple feet hitting metal stairway, but couldn't do much about it other than tell them to take their shoes off. Judy and Ron went first, then Sarah, then Malena… I paused, looking back down the hallway behind us…

"Mikaela, you were right, there's a fire exit up here! Come on!" Sarah called quietly, her voice harsh and loud to my ears as I contemplated something probably suicidal.

Malena grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, knowing damn well what I was thinking.

"NO."

I couldn't leave Jazz, not out there, all by himself, no backup… it wasn't right. "Yes." My voice brooked no argument and I willed my sister to see the determination in my eyes.

Malena looked about ready to pop me in the jaw and carry me out over her shoulder, her brown eyes burning with the want… but another shaking crash from outside shook the floor beneath us and she stumbled off the last stair. I caught her, unbalancing and falling to the floor.

"Hey! You guys coming?" Ron called, coming halfway down the staircase three flights up and looking down at us in a tangle on the floor.

Malena looked me in the eye again… and for a second there, just a second, it was like we could read each other's minds.

Never, ever fuck with the Banes sisters.

"No." we both said.

I shook my head with a grin. We'd never abandon each other. "You guys go ahead. Get outside, run. Run like hell. Find some cover in the rocks and STAY there til one of us comes for you."

"But…"

My sister butted in. "Just do it. You'll be safer outside. We're…" she grinned evilly at me, and I returned it, "We're not done here yet."

Ron gave a visible shudder. "Remind me to stay on your good side, huh?"

"Let Sam keep his Camaro, no questions asked, and I'll consider it." I joked.

"Be careful kids."

Ron barrelled the rest of the way up the stairs and led his wife and Sarah out the door. Neither of us moved til the door slammed shut and we could hear their steps descending the emergency stairway outside.

For a minute we just laid there on the floor in a tangle of limbs, staring at each other, til my sister spoke up.

"Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do."

I giggled and hugged her again. "I'll tell you everything later over a cup of hot chocolate, but for now… um… next time, don't go crawling over random cars, okay?"

She laughed. "Oh man, that was… bad. Lesson learned." She got up and helped me off the floor, dusting her pants off and flicking her hair out of her eyes. "So, what's the plan babymouse?"

"Babymouse? Oh fuck you." I made to swat her and she skipped away.

"You have a friend out there, don't you?"

I nodded.

"It's that Jazz guy, right?"

"Yeah… and I can't BELIEVE he gave you his number."

"I'm just that good."

I scoffed. "There's backup coming, but right now he's alone."

"Not for long…" She replied with a nasty smile.

"I saw some pretty nasty lookin' trucks out there…" I gestured outside, returning her grin.

"And I have a score or two to settle."

"Banzai?"

"Fuckin' Banzai. Let's get these fuckers."

We gave each other hearty high-fives and ran off back down the hallway, silent, determined, and ready to cause one hell of a shit-storm.

* * *

_Barricade was sure he'd hit the little slagger this time. He took careful aim, led the target, waited patiently…_

_**-BOOM**__!-_

_Slagging fast little pit-spawned bastard! _

_Jazz, the cheeky little Autobot with a death wish zoomed past the four of them again, spraying dirt and debris everywhere as he laughed and shot off again. Frenzy batted at the dirt covering him and backed inside the base, Blackout yowled in anger and transformed, shooting after the retreating saboteur, leaving himself and Soundwave to gape like idiots the entrance of the base. _

"_Where'd ya learn to shoot?! Your dumb ass couldn't hit the ocean if you was sittin' on the bottom! Hey, isn't that where Megatron's at? Go on down there, get some practice! Ahahahah!"_

_He heard Blackout bellow and let loose a few more shots, all missing the quick little 'Bot by feet, leaving ragged holes in the ground around him. The Autobot merely laughed and dodged another missile, spinning smoothly around a corner and … waitaminute._

_SLAG!_

_Barricade moved to push himself and Soundwave, who was still injured, out of the way as Jazz sped towards the pair with Blackout hot on his tail. He tried to yell to Blackout but the big stupid warrior wasn't listening as he let loose with another missile. _

_Jazz spun out and shot off again mere feet away from Soundwave's left foot, neatly avoiding a swipe of his giant clawed hand, and was out of the way just in time for the missile to hit… five feet away._

_**-BOOM**__!-_

_Barricade felt some of his wounds reopen on landing and something inside his right arm shorted, smoking. He heaved off Soundwave and fell to the ground next to him, audios still ringing from the missile blast, thankful that the stupid fragging Pave Low hadn't let loose anything nastier than those puny rockets… anything bigger and they'd all be scrap by now. As it was, he'd choke the spark out of that idiotic mech next time he was within range…_

_Soundwave got to his knees and rose to his feet slowly, looking down at Barricade's smoking form with a small glint of appreciation. _

"_Barricade: Status?"_

'SLAGGING PERFECT! How are YOU!?'_ Barricade screamed in his mind, but out loud replied that he was alright, minor damage. _

"_Ahahahha! Aww Blackie, were ya always this stupid or didja take lessons from Bonecrusher?"_

_Blackout was none too happy about that last insult, but he did his best to ignore it for the moment, stopping by us and transforming. "Fuck, I'm sorry; it was… he… slaggit, you okay?" His rotors twitched guiltily._

_Soundwave turned to him slowly. "Condition: minimal injury. Opinion: rare concurrence with Autobot." He finished by flicking a piece of debris that had been caught in a shoulder joint in Blackout's direction._

_It amused Barricade to no end how he could almost time how long it would take Blackout to interpret all those big words… 3…2…1…DING! _

"_Oh… uhh, yeah…"_

_**-BOOM-**_

_While they had been standing there assessing damage, Jazz had found himself a nice little trench to settle in and was now taking pot-shots of his own. "Come on, slag-chuggers, dance!" he called, then blasted an area near Barricade's feet and he'd hop out of the way, then do the same to Blackout, then Soundwave… then he disappeared again, laughing. _

_There were so many places for such a small Autobot to hide in! Barricade would see a flash of silver, shoot at it, only to see him reappear 20 feet away grinning and laughing, then he'd vanish again only to magically materialize atop a dump truck as if he'd been there for hours._

"_What's up 'Cade? Too many doughnuts cloggin' yer targettin' systems?"_

I'm going to mangle that cheeky Autobot…

_Soundwave suddenly rested a giant five clawed hand on Barricade's shoulder, stopping him from transforming and crushing the giggling saboteur (who'd vanished again). He had to protest, slag the consequences. _

"_Soundwave, let me do what I do best."_

"_Negative. Frenzy." _

_Frenzy popped his head out from behind the door and chirped. _

"_Investigate and report status of prisoners."_

"_Yessir!" Frenzy snapped off a human salute and skittered away._

_Why didn't he think of that? Barricade could have slapped himself. Distraction and infiltration, the most… slaggitall, the most _obvious_ plan, and he didn't even think about it. _

'Because Jazz is usually the infiltrator, you glitch!'

_Jazz was bold, transforming and speeding back and forth amidst the half-destroyed vehicles and effortlessly avoiding the scattered beams, calling out taunts to them, making fun of everything from their size, targeting glitches, impotence, relating their creators to the Cybertronian equivalent of cheap prostitutes, and laughing the whole time. It took much of Barricade's quickly fizzling patience to remain at Soundwave's side. He obviously had something brewing in that manipulative, cunning mind of his, and with that small consolation, Barricade took his place on Soundwave's right hand and laid down fire, wondering in the back of his mind why Soundwave sent only Frenzy to stop the infiltration. He was a strong mech, but basing his opinion off the last time he took on the humans, Frenzy couldn't beat that many if they teamed up on him. Barricade was torn on whether to keep firing at the Autobot pest or going back into the base to help the little hacker._

_Soundwave's voice intruded into his mind, jolting the black and white to instant attention. _'Negative. Frenzy's mission is reconnaissance, not engagement. Remain silent.'

_Barricade didn't like it, but stayed put, putting a massive amount of faith in Soundwave's intellect. He always had his reasons. _

_With a signal from Soundwave's hand all firing ceased, all weapons hot from constant fire lowered. Barricade knew what was going on; he'd seen it a few times back on Cybertron, and it was always fun to watch._

_The only sounds to be heard now was the hum of the three Decepticons internal systems and a light revving of Jazz's engine as he rested in alt-mode somewhere amongst the chaos, and that disappeared as well…. All focus was on the giant Communications Officer now, the master of vibration and sound, as he used every audio and motion sensor on him to track the movements of the silver Autobot. He could hear things Barricade could never hear, from the thrum of a pulsing spark to the faint whispers of thought of an enemy half a mile away. It was an admirable and well sought out talent, Megatron was right to give this mech his real respect. _

_The only movement the sleek mech made was the slow smooth drawing out of his primary weapon, a massive concussion blaster that would do substantial damage if it hit its target, and it would if it remained in Soundwave's gifted hands. The barrel seemed to move of it's own accord, following a trail only Soundwave could feel, until it stopped on a pile of twisted steal beams and broken cement about 150 feet away._

_Once again his monotone voice penetrated their minds, silently coordinating the attack. _'Barricade, Blackout, flush him out.'

_Soundwave took a firm stance, digging his heels into the dirt and rock around him and took careful aim. Barricade shot at the pile, leaving it a smoking wreck, and Jazz shot out from behind it, cursing. He continued to shoot, pushing the silver Autobot exactly where Soundwave wanted him, Blackout using his machine guns to herd him whenever he veered off course, once in a while pelting the small silver mech with bullets. Soundwave's cannon followed the silver mech easily as he skirted the small explosions, waiting, ever patient, paying no heed to Frenzy when he came skittering back screeching that the prisoners were gone, just standing there, carefully calculating trajectory and force, speed and power, then slowly, carefully, timed perfectly…squeezed the trigger._

_The explosion was beautiful._

_Watching pieces of the saboteur's armour splinter and fall apart, seeing him fly back a hundred feet only to be impaled on a jutting steel rod, it was almost enough for Barricade to proclaim his ever-lasting Spark to Soundwave._

_Almost._

_Even Frenzy let out an awe-inspired "Ooooh!"_

_Soundwave silently lowered his weapon and motioned to the others that they should follow, but paused long enough to order Frenzy to track the escapees, but not engage them just yet._

_Barricade had to admire the mech, he hadn't been on earth an hour yet, and was moderately damaged, exhausted, and recently received news his commander was rusting at the bottom of the ocean, and he still managed to take out that pest of an Autobot in one shot. _

_The three Decepticons picked their way across the debris silently, all but one having a hard time suppressing their joy at the turn of the tide. Barricade himself was almost hoping the other Autobots would show up soon so he could watch Soundwave slag them as effortlessly as he'd slagged Jazz._

_Jazz lay twitching against the toppled wall he landed on, clutching at the thick steel rod impaling his right shoulder, cussing up a blue streak. Barricade noted the multiple bullet holes and charred bits of armour and wiring the little mech had endured in his efforts, pleased that he'd at least hit the nuisance a few times. _

_As soon as the saboteur laid optics on the three approaching Decepticons he immediately laid down fire, shooting this time for the kill, not the annoying wound. All three mechs dove behind what cover they could, separating and fanning out to ambush the wildly firing Autobot as he screamed more insults at them. "Ya bunch of sissy turd-burglars, get back here so I can put some more holes in ya!"_

_Barricade paused in mid-defensive leap to look up what the pit 'turd-burglar' meant on the internet, and the delay cost him another puncture in his armour._

_Soundwave stood to shoot the raging Autobot only to fall backwards when Jazz hurled a chunk of cement at his head, the clang of impact making him laugh even harder. "Ha! Might improve yer looks a little, cuz Primus knows…" He paused long enough to shoot Blackout's left knee-joint as he made a daring run to tackle the silver 'Bot, "Your creator was so ugly he made Megatron cry…and yer even uglier than he was! I've seen rusty waste outlets better lookin' than you!"_

Ouch_. _

_There was one benefit of being the second smallest Decepticon on Earth… the big ones made so much noise, made wonderful spectacles of themselves, especially Blackout, that one like Barricade could move to where he could get a good shot in without being noticed. Which he did. _

_Blackout was cursing Jazz, holding his sizzling knee joint and trying to find something big enough to hide behind, but Barricade focussed solely on Jazz's gun-hand, taking a bead on it as it waved about shooting beams of fire at his comrades._

"_I see that yer fluent in Gibbering Moronese, Blackie…go jump in a smelter before ya…"_

_Barricade fired._

* * *

How many of you are screamin' "Jazz! Noooo!" right now? :P


	18. Chapter 18

-grins- Sabrina, you're a love. And insane. And why the bloody hell does FF insist on blorfing the cuss words in reviews? People are too damned sensitive these days. LOL

this chappie was fun as hell to visualize...

* * *

_Attention, people of Earth. I regret to inform you that in order to make way for the new hyperspace express route, your planet has been scheduled for demolition. Have a nice day._ Hitchhiker's Guide (etc etc)

**(18)**

That last aftershock tossed us both to the ground with yells easily drowned out by the dull crack of something big hitting something metallic. I knew it had to do with Jazz, something either hit him or he hit something else pretty damned hard.

"Come on!" Malena picked me off the dirt and kept running towards our target, a virtual parking lot of unmangled construction equipment and vehicles. I had my eye on one of the dump trucks and my sister said something about one of the front loaders with a hell of a bucket in the front. "I hope that thing isn't slower than gramma when she's stoned."

I couldn't help a snort. Gramma was an unapologetic pothead and really did move slow when she was stoned. Both me and Malena owed our spunk to that old lady though, so we left her alone about her habit. It was funny when she cracked dirty jokes in front of the other seniors too.

Malena climbed up into her chosen mode of devastation and beckoned me over. "I forgot how to hotwire these fuckin' things…" she said lamely, shrugging. I 'tsk'ed at her and climbed aboard as well, finding the appropriate wires and hoping she knew how to drive the big bastard.

Suddenly she gasped. "Hey, Mikki, you got your phone with ya?"

I quirked a brow but handed it over to her. She grinned again and dug around in her pants pocket, pulling out a dishevelled piece of paper with… _oh Jesus_…

"You're callin' him again?" I climbed up onto the seat next to her, forgetting momentarily that I was supposed to be hotwiring an overblown tractor.

Malena happily punched the appropriate numbers into the phone and scrolled through songs available to send, stopping at a mutual favourite, but Malena's self-given 'theme song'. "Just lettin' him know the cavalry's comin'."

"Not yet… wait til we're on the move."

She nodded and put the phone next to her, ready to send the message at the push of a button. I got her front loader started and ran to my own dump truck, praying that it was in decent enough condition to turn over… annnnnd there! The massive engine roared happily and it took all my discipline not to hop in and start tearing up the landscape… but I got an idea that couldn't be ignored.

I called for my sister to just wait another minute, and hopped back out of my dump truck, running over to a small forklift. She caught up to me and watched as I started it up as well, then put it in gear and let it run off on it's own… next I found a damaged but still usable grapple-truck and started it up too, setting it loose as well. Malena got the idea and I gave her a quick demonstration on general hotwiring practices and she ran off to do the same thing to an excavator.

"Hahaha, girl, we should be checkin' these things for keys!" the engine revved and she set it to go at a decently fast pace.

The next and last two things we set off, another dump truck and a bulldozer, both had keys in them, and we giggled at each other as they drove off rather slowly by themselves over and across the craggy landscape. The bulldozer did a wonderful job of flattening most of what was in its path, or just running it right over. I just hoped it would at least make it as far as the Decepticons before it gave out and rolled.

"That should keep em busy." Lena grinned, digging in yet another pocket for…

"I can't believe you're lighting up NOW!"

"I haven't had a smoke in two days! Gimme a break, there was a baby right there!" She blew out a plume of smoke and sighed. I laughed. Let her keep her habits.

"I'm going for Jazz." I stated, jumping back into my dump truck, opening the passenger door, then driving backwards and side-swiping a wall, knocking it right off. Over the roaring engines I heard my sister laughing. She leaned out the door and yelled at me.

"Just tell me which one I'm not supposed to flatten."

"Little silver guy."

"Solstice?"

"How'd you know?"

My sister gave me a straight-faced snarl. "Can't spend time with these assholes without learnin' a few things."

I scowled, feeling the strain and stress from the past few days build and form, ready to be let loose. I now knew why Ironhide loved battle so much, what with this beautiful feeling of not really giving a shit how it turned out, as long as someone went down, hard. "Let's show these motherfuckers what we 'puny organics' can do!"

"Hey… be careful." I watched her pick up the cell and press the little green SEND button, then toss it back on the seat. "The pig is MINE!"

It took a second of fiddling with the gears but I managed to get my truck to move forward. "Stay behind the other ones if you can til we're in range!"

We both shot off, engines screaming in protest of the power already wrenched from them. Malena's front loader was a lot faster than I thought it'd be, and my dump truck had some serious balls. I wondered if the construction workers tricked these things out in their spare time…

We ripped after the other vehicles, overtaking both of the forklifts and the grapple truck but fell back a little when we had to skirt around an abandoned pile-driver.

In the distance I saw who I assumed was Soundwave straighten, and that icy cold finger of fear poked me in the gut again when his large red optics fell on the armada of greenish vehicles I was currently in the middle of. I couldn't see Jazz yet but I saw a glint of light reflecting off Blackout's rotors, and a flash of white I guessed was Barricade's arm. I had to give it to the Decepticons; they went with dark colours that blended well into the night, whereas the Autobots, if they ever showed up, would have stood out like sore thumbs with their bright garish colouring.

My sister, who was steadily passing me on the right, gave me a 'who the fuck is that' look when she spotted the new mech, and I just shrugged and slammed my foot down on the accelerator. My sister's voice, amplified so loud I cringed, shouted out the lyrics to the song she'd just sent to Jazz. _Where the hell did she find a bullhorn?_ I laughed as she leaned dangerously out the door, bellowing "Craaaash! Craaaash!" so I joined in, pulling ever closer to our targets so I knew they could hear us.

The Decepticons stood there looking stunned only for a moment, til the Excavator got a little too close for comfort and they immediately began firing on it. I ducked automatically, keeping my head only high enough to see where the hell I was going, and shifted to a higher gear. Bullets impacted and penetrated the windshield, shattering glass all around me. If they were going to blow me away I was gonna take one of those rusted out buckets of bolts with me. The closest was Blackout and I pointed my truck in his direction, leaping over and crushing I-beams and chunks of cement big enough to build a house out of, feeling every impact jolt and dent my truck. It would have made a fun carnival ride had I remembered to strap my ass down to the seat…

Then I saw _him_.

He wasn't moving. He didn't even twitch. I could see smoke rising from his wounds…his eyes, his visor, nothing glowed, that brilliant blue was nowhere to be seen.

_JAZZ! No no no, this was a bad idea, I knew it was a bad fuckin idea! Why did I leave him out here by himself!_

My vision went red.

_Nobody… and I mean NOBODY, messes with MY FAMILY_!

I howled, shifted gears once again, and shot after Blackout, cutting my sister off and zooming past her, targeted solely on the bulky mech that was supposed to be dead already. I'd flatten him. I'd ram his smoking carcass against the rocks til there was nothing left of him big enough to replace toaster parts.

His arm blew off before I could even get in range, an inhuman wail pierced the air as the sparking limb flew apart. Momentarily my rage subsided, long enough for me to finally notice the other half of the cavalry…

"TOOK YOUR GODDAMN TIME!" I yelled, knowing damn well that they wouldn't hear me, but laughing at their timing anyway.

Optimus Prime, standing atop a nearby hill, nearly glowing in the light of three pairs of headlights, lowered his weapon and yelled loud enough for everyone around to hear, even over the multiple engines.

"Autobots, ATTACK!!"

Three growling Autobots shot over the hill, landing smoothly and shooting towards the battle already in progress. Ironhide slid to a halt and transformed, leaving thick grooves in the rocky hill, firing both his cannons at the thoroughly confused Decepticon forces, face alight with the battle. Far off, I could barely see Will running down the hill with what looked like a goddamn rocket launcher on his shoulder, Sam not too far behind him. I had to giggle.

I hadn't had time to swerve out of the way and braced myself for impact, ramming at top speed into Blackout's already staggering body, knocking his legs right out from under him, crunching the front end of my truck so badly I wasn't sure it would keep going. The ground beneath us shook as he landed, still howling from the pain of losing his arm.

It took some work but I got my truck back under control and headed for Jazz.

Soundwave was busy dancing around various unmanned construction vehicles and dodging shots from the Autobots that he never even bothered with me, and I pulled up to Jazz's unmoving body without further damage. I parked it as well as I could to block some of the weapons fire from both sides from hitting him, then practically fell out the passenger side of the truck, running, keeping my head down, really not wanting all this work to go to hell cause some stray bullet flew by and exploded my head.

He still didn't move when I touched his foot, then his leg, then up to his chest… he was still alive, his entire body still hummed, but he didn't move.

"Jazz? Come on big guy." I grabbed one of his big fingers and jostled it around… it was fucking heavy! "JAZZ! Wake up! Don't you fucking dare die on me again!" I climbed onto his arm, taking care to avoid the rod, and crawled up to his head, putting both hands on his visor and shook it. "Don't make me call my sister over here!" I yelled in desperation, hoping the threat of imminent sibling bitch-slapping would revive him.

The off-lined mech didn't move.

_Fuck! Where the fuck is Ratchet? They'll pay for this, I swear. If he doesn't wake up, I'll hunt down every Decepticon and dismantle 'em with a pair o' needle nose pliers and a fork! They don't know what pain is!_

Swallowing my fears again I looked around for the medic and found him and Ironhide grappling with Soundwave, saw Prime and Bee chasing down the retreating one-armed Blackout, and… _ahhh, there she is_… my sister and the mini-army of construction vehicles roaring after Barricade, who in one of his more stupid moments, ran straight, just like the movies. Then again, anywhere he'd turn he'd get run down…

Giving up hope of getting Jazz help immediately, I started working on what I could to keep him functioning, mostly tying off leaking lines, uncaring if I got spilled mech fluids on my bare hands (the burns would heal, dammit), but not able to do much without tools and replacement bits. _That's it, Ratchet's teaching me to be a fuckin' medic and I'm carrying around a fucking toolkit where ever I fucking go. _I absolutely refused to be left wondering if my guardian and best friend was going to off-line permanently without my having done everything I could for him, and if that meant carrying around a 300 pound backpack full of tools, so fucking be it.

Something big slammed into the ground not 20 feet away, and I jumped and slipped right off Jazz's belly, landing hard on my ass with a yelp.

Bee!

The charred yellow mech was already getting to his feet and I yelled at him, waving my arms around. "BEE! Down here!"

He spun and his big blue optics found me. "Mikaela?" Bumblebee rasped, brushing off the dirt from his arms and using a finger to lift half his battle mask up to get a better look.

As if timed by the gods, a black and white Mustang shot past us, narrowly missing my parked dump truck, followed by Malena in her very dented and smoking front loader, bucket lifted to half-mast. She still had the bullhorn and as she passed Bumblebee she squealed "Hey there cutie!" and zoomed away.

Bumblebee, as much as a Cybertronian could, looked completely bowled over. I sympathized… she did that a lot.

Malena slammed on the brakes when she saw me. "MIKKI! Get yer skinny ass in here and let's roast us some bacon!"

I looked from her to Jazz, from Bee to her… I couldn't leave him here alone…

"Go Mikaela, I'll watch over Jazz." Bee waved me away, stepping over and taking a defensive stance near his brother. "Take care of yourself."

"Thank you Bee." I hugged his leg. "Be careful."

"That's Bee? Man!" My sister shook her head and laughed, "Sorry I threatened to kill ya 'n all."

Bee would have probably laughed if he didn't have to duck under one of Will Lennox's rockets. "Watch your fire!"

"Woah!" Lena watched the rocket slam into Blackout's back, effectively opening him up for Prime's next attack.

"Sorry! Hey Mikaela!"

"Hey." I stopped any further conversation by hopping into the passenger seat of Malena's big-ass tractor, but had to tell him, "Will! I sent the others into the hills behind the base to hide out! I don't know where Frenzy is but…"

"Got it! IRONHIDE!"

Malena pulled away fast so I couldn't hear what happened next.

_Fuck I shouldn't have left him there to go Barricade-hunting… I'm such an asshole…_

My sister once again knew what I was thinking. "So that was Jazz, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Cute."

I gaped at her, and she winked at me. "Don't worry about him; he's got plenty of back up now. You can coddle the hell out of him when we're done. Now…let's find us a piggie."

* * *

_He couldn't say how everything went to slag so quickly._

_Barricade pointed his weapon at Jazz's head, about to deliver the killing blow that would silence the annoying mech forever, when suddenly something inside the silver 'Bot began to play._

"_High speeding crash/ Full metal contact /Driving for impact/ Full throttle attack/ Highway chaser /Machine debaser /This is demolition racer / Crash! crash! crash! crash! /Crash! crash! crash! crash!"_

_The growling human voice and wailing guitars stopped as quick as they'd started, taking less than a minute to play out fully, leaving all three mechs staring at the laughing Autobot below them. _

"_You...three…are… scrap!" He choked out, cradling what was left of his left hand against his chest, but still smiling like he knew something they didn't._

_And that's when Barricade first heard the roar of the engines._

_All hell broke loose after that. Barricade didn't get over the shock of having half the construction equipment on base careen towards them, and was further stunned when Blackout's arm blew apart like a pile of leaves, leaving his comrade screaming on the rocks. _

_Next thing he knew he was dodging rockets and bullets, ducking away from the firepower of Prime's cannon, and tripping over a barely functional forklift that tried to bowl him over._

_Now? Now he was hiding behind the same pile of twisted metal and rock Jazz had been behind not five minutes ago, scared out of his mind that one of the Autobots, or worse, that insane female in the front loader would find him. _

_He hated to admit fear. Absolutely despised that fluid chilling fear that coursed through him when he heard the blast of one of Ironhide's cannons or the buzzing of the crazed medic's saw, or the triumphant battle cry of Optimus Prime as he slammed Blackout into the dirt for the fifth time. He hated it._

_Everything was wrong. Everything. He watched Soundwave transform and fly off, leaving them all behind, leaving him to be slagged by an organic, of all things._

"_There he is!"_

_Slagslagslagslagslag!_

_Barricade transformed back into his Saleen Mustang mode and tore away from his hiding spot, hearing the humans cheer as he skidded on a piece of sheet metal and slammed into a pole. _

"_Heeeeeeeeere piggie piggie piggie!"_

_He barely got out of the way from the barrel of the front loader that nearly scooped him up. "Fuck!" _

_He didn't even have time to transform and fire on the fuming organics and their near indestructible vehicle, tearing away as fast as his engine would take him, trying to put some distance between him and the humans._

_He was driving on three flattened tires and very little energy, running mostly on fear now… he couldn't go faster if he tried. The females easily caught up to him._

"_Ahhh, there's that fine ass!"_

_Slagslagslag! _

_The shovel-like protrusion in front of the tractor brushed his rear bumper, lifting it just a little off the ground. Barricade yelped and put on another burst of speed, slamming gracelessly back into the dirt._

"_Awww, come on back! I thought you liked getting' yer ass reamed!"_

_A younger voice laughed, "Yeah! You're hurting my sister's feelings!"_

_This was reminding Barricade of something… then it hit him… That blasted movie the sisters watched the first night he followed them! They were pulling a Death Proof on him! AW SLAG!_

_He shot forward, anxious not to be a victim of a rollover and dismantling by a couple of femme organics on a vendetta. No way. He was a Decepticon, not some cowardly squishy male in an outdated vehicle with a silver duck on the hood! He'd escape this, he'd come back and tear them to shreds, right in front of the Autobots._

_Barricade prepared himself for a fast transformation, ignoring the warning signs that he wasn't going to last long, errors and the scent of burnt circuitry._

"…_T__ake off the gun so you can see what's up/ And we'll go at it punk, I'ma fuck you up!" _

_And with that, Barricade felt the barrel dig into his bumper again, this time not letting go. He panicked and tried to speed away, putting a strain on his engine he hadn't used since the chase for the Allspark, but it was no use. _

"_Bring me that fiiiiine ass!" crooned a female voice, much louder than it should have been, and suddenly his back end was lifted clear off the ground, nose practically digging into the gravel beneath as he was shoved forward. _

"_Right there! Go go go!"_

"_Wrong angle!"_

_Barricade saw what they were arguing over, the mangled dump truck that had toppled Blackout over like a wobbly sparkling, and cringed._

_Suddenly the entire truck surged forward as if pushed, and Barricade didn't even have time to brace himself for impact before he slammed right into it, then the crushing weight of the front loader rammed full force into him, the shovel ripping through his armour and tossing him upwards. He felt his body fold into itself like tin foil, every pain receptor screaming at him, before finally all movement stopped._

_He choked on his own fluids, madly shutting off pain receptors and trying to assess damage, but he could feel the darkness creeping up on him…_

'If I'm going to die, I'm going to die silent. I won't honour them with my pain_._'

_He felt something break free and the pressure release the top half of him, then a set of pointed claws grip him tight and wrench him free. One of his doors ripped clean off but he didn't care, not like it hurt anymore. _

_Soon he felt nothing but cold air around him, chilling what sensors he couldn't shut down. Like…he was flying, far and fast._

'Barricade, be still.'

_Monotone…dissonant… Soundwave…he came back…_

* * *

songs were Demoliton Racer – Fear Factory and Fuck the Police – NWA (fuckin' classic.)

and yes, I've watched Death Proof more times than is healthy...


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks to you all for the squealies. :D

-humps everyone-

* * *

_What have you been using on my car? A pick ax?_ - The Miracle of Morgan's Creek

(19)

I woke up with a jolt, staring out the shattered window at the stars above, wondering vaguely if I was dead. The sheer force of the impact that sandwiched Barricade between us and the magically flying dump truck was enough to knock our tractor over backwards, shattering the glass and pushing the engine up far enough to trap both mine and my sister's legs between itself and the seat. I don't know what the hell knocked me out but when I opened my eyes, all I could see was the mangled metal frame of the window and the stars glittering.

A hoarse voice groaned next to me, and I turned by sore neck and found my sister laying there covered in glass, just waking up herself.

As quick as my body would allow, I pulled my legs free from the seat and moved to her, clouded eyes checking to see if there was any other damage. One of the gearstick things had jammed itself into her gut, but not hard enough to have penetrated. She'd have one big beautiful bruise to show off in the morning…

Malena's eyes snapped open and she cried out. I saw blood on her teeth and freaked. "Lena! Stay still! RATCHET!"

Why I called for a mech that didn't know human anatomy half as well as he knew Cybertronian, I didn't know, but if anyone could help, it was him. I couldn't even tell what was wrong with her. Before I could even take another breath to scream for help, a set of giant fingers slid inside, grabbed the flimsy metal of the cab, and ripped it clean off. I'd never been so happy to see that horrid shade of greenish yellow or that pair of glowing blue eyes in my life.

It took him only a moment to feel his way around and tug the entire seat out of the tractor, lifting it free. I braced myself next to my sister, still in the seat, wrapping my arm around her to keep her still, and shut my eyes against Ratchet's bright lights Gods, if I lost both her AND Jazz tonight… no…

He set us down gently, then leaned down to scan us both. Sam was immediately on us but Bee tugged him backwards, coming pretty close to jumping on us himself but holding himself in check. Prime was off to the side with one of Blackout's rotors in his hand, the other holding a smoking hole in his torso, but otherwise functional. I couldn't see Ironhide or Will, but I knew they'd be around sooner or later.

By the time I'd located everyone, Ratchet had worked himself into a fit. "Mikaela, you're concussed…_again!_ You dislocated your shoulder AGAIN, I don't have a clue how you put it back, AND you're absolutely covered in cuts and bruises. Humph! And your sister? Impact bruising, some things were battered around in there, but nothing fatal. A few bruised ribs and she bit her tongue too hard, that's it. You two insane females are damned lucky nothing worse happened!"

I blew out all the air in my lungs in relief. Malena would be fine…

"Who's brilliant idea was it to gallivant around in a tractor?"

"Hers." We both said, pointing fingers at each other. Ratchet tensed up for another tangent but was stopped by Prime as he passed by.

"Leave them alone, Ratchet. You can berate them after once we're back home."

I could have kissed Prime's big feet if I had the strength to move. He wandered off after giving me a quick smile and I mentally thanked him for coming to the rescue again.

Lena, fully awake now that she had giant robots hovering all around her, tried to sit up but was promptly poked back down onto the seat by Ratchet's big finger. "Stay put, you… I'm not through with you yet."

"Mikaela, please tell me you know this dude?" She sounded a little scared, but who wouldn't in her place?

I nodded, suppressing a giggle at Ratchet's thoroughly pissed off expression. "Oh yeah, I know him. Don't worry, he's only like this when… um… well, he's always like this."

"I am not!" Ratchet huffed.

"He's… big." She said intelligently, wide-eyed staring at the medic who was currently cussing me out.

"Prime's bigger." I pointed over at the massive red and blue Leader who was bent over something not too far away, looking saddened.

"Holy shit! That has to be the semi Sarah told me about… only a semi would get that fuckin' huge! Oh my god, is that Bessie guy here somewhere?"

Ratchet and Bumblebee both busted out laughing, and I was sure as hell glad Ironhide wasn't around. Laughing as well, I rolled away from her. With Sam's help I stumbled off the seat, leaving poor Malena temporarily to Ratchet's mercy (hah!) and limped slowly towards Optimus. I knew what he was bent over, and had to see for myself. Sam, though tired, kept an arm around my waist and wrapped mine over his shoulder to steady me, and we walked over.

Jazz was on his face this time, one arm stretched out above his head, with that weird looking shield thing pointed out towards the dump truck. The big rod that'd been through his shoulder was now pushed out the other way, and he still wasn't moving. I let go of Sam and dropped next to him, tentatively reaching for his head. "Prime?"

His deep voice answered my unasked question, "He'll be alright. Bumblebee said he woke up long enough to see what you were up to, and used the last of his energy to throw that… thing in front of Barricade."

"Stupid…"

"He loves you."

"He's still stupid." I broke down crying. Sam was there immediately and wrapped me up good and tight in his arms. I had to admit, though he was a skinny guy, he did have good arms. Screw big arms, his were wiry and strong, and that was just fine with me.

_God, he could have died pulling that! Why did I leave him out here alone? I could have stayed with him instead of going after Barricade! He might've been conscious at least if I'd just stayed with him_.

While I sobbed like a helpless little girl, Ratchet, Bee, and Lena came over as well, Ratchet gently turning Jazz over onto his back so he could get a better look at his wounds. Lena stayed close to Bee, staring up at the massive form of Optimus Prime with something akin to wonder. Though I was still teary eyed, I prepared myself for the inevitable…

..and it came.

Optimus finally noticed her sort of hiding behind one of Bumblebee's legs, and I swear she squeaked. But, with the usual Banes flair for dealing with stress by being ridiculous, she swallowed it, took a step out into the open, and met his eyes.

"Heya big guy! Nice legs!"

I had to bury my head in Sam's shoulder to muffle my screaming laughter… Prime's face… sweet mother of chocolate… certi-fuckin'-fiable woman.

I had to give Optimus credit for a quick recovery. He sort of blinked, then went into his usual 'We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms' speech with practiced ease, kneeling down to get a better look at my sister. She'd backed behind one of Bee's legs again but didn't seem quite as freaked out.

While that was happening, Ratchet had been both scanning Jazz and watching the exchange between Prime and Lena with a small smile of amusement. He didn't seem too worried about Jazz, so I untangled myself from my man and kicked Ratchet's foot.

"What's the deal?"

"Pardon?"

_Ugh. These bots sometimes…_ "Is. He. Going. To. Be. OKAY?" I enunciated like I would to a four year old. I felt sort of bad for being bitchy to the good ol' medic, but I had an excuse… it'd been a rough night.

"He'll be fine once we get him back to base. He depleted the last of his energy with that little stunt there, so he's in forced recharge. The rest of his damage is reparable, but it will take some time to get him back to fully functional."

"How long."

"A few days."

_Oh thank goodness. He made it sound like a goddamn year!_

Jazz's optics were still dark but his body hummed, so that was reassuring. If he'd been irreparable, Ratchet would have been much more irritated.

"Prime said he threw a truck at Barricade…"

Ratchet must've poked something sensitive, as Jazz's left leg literally kicked straight up, nearly knocking the Medic upside the head. Ratchet pushed it back down and answered me. "Magnetics."

_Oh yeah… duh_. I shook my head at myself, and suddenly had to grip Ratchet's knee from the resulting dizziness.

"What part of 'you have a concussion' did you not understand?" He harrumphed again, plucking me up easily and dropping me back with Sam, who watched everything with a weird smirk. Malena joined us and I was wrapped up in the two people I loved the most, fighting off dizziness but happy that things were… well, not normal, but better. I kept an eye on Jazz though, still worried sick.

Malena was in the middle of braiding my hair (she had to do something with her fingers or she'd go nuts) when a muffled groan sounded from the silver mech behind us. I got up so fast I knocked Malena flat on her ass and ran to Jazz. Ratchet was quick to scoop me up, then Malena as she joined us. Bee got Sam before he could even take a step.

"No wonder you humans get damaged so much. If he suddenly moved you could have gotten hurt!"

Malena just stared at Ratchet, then looked over at me, gripped in his other hand. "Is he always this motherly?"

I ignored her and wriggled uselessly in Ratchet's tight grip as Jazz's head moved. "Lemme down!"

"Wait. Primus, impatient younglings…"

I gave him a glare that could melt steel. "Jazz!"

"Uuuuuuuugh…" His optics finally lit up to a dull glowing blue and he lifted his head slightly off the ground. "Ow." He dropped his head back to the dirt and grunted.

"Be careful, you snapped something in your neck and I haven't gotten around to fixing it yet."

"Take yer time, doc, I ain't goin' anywhere." He mumbled sarcastically as he turned his head to look up at Ratchet. He spotted me and grinned weakly, "Hey, my girl!"

I smiled. Damn it was good to hear his voice, damaged or not. "Hey babe."

"You are _so_ boning a 16 foot robot, you can't deny it now." Malena joked, grinning. Ratchet had her sitting on his hand rather than holding her around the middle, mindful of her ribs.

"I am NOT!" I cried, trying in vain to kick her from ten feet away. Jazz laughed, then groaned again.

"Motherfu…"

Ratchet put us down finally and I ran up and booted my sister real quick before running to Jazz and shamelessly hugging his head as best I could, much to his amusement. Malena hobbled over, stopping every couple of steps to rub her sore calf, and sort of stood nearby watching with a small smile on her face.

I felt the cool metal of Jazz's cheek against my forehead and grinned. "That was the dumbest fucking idea ever."

"Worked, dinnit?"

"Well yeah, but…"

"But nothin'. It worked, an' everyone's alive."

Well, I didn't know that for sure, I hadn't heard about Ironhide or Will or the others for a while, but he had a point. Nevertheless, "Don't you ever, and I mean EVER, do that again." I said sternly, looking into his optics.

"You channelin' the Hatchet now?"

"Jazz, you're lucky you're injured or I'd kick you for that." Ratchet grumped.

"I got my girls to protect me now."

"Damn right." Malena said, finally speaking up and getting Jazz's attention. She had this silly lopsided grin on but still managed somehow to look a little shy.

_Malena? Shy? HAH!_ Must've been the bump on the head or something, but she genuinely looked like she didn't know what to do. Jazz made the decision for her, using his injured arm to shuffle her closer. I couldn't believe my eyes; her face was actually turning red!

Jazz, once again pouring on the charm, broke the ice with, "So, y' still gonna use a crowbar on my head?"

Malena did the classic bounce back, lifting her head and stating, "Nah, not after you got that pretty paintjob ruined, that wouldn't be very nice."

"Nice touch with th' tractor, by th' way."

Malena smiled pretty big and ducked her head. I had to grin, this was just…funny. I got off Jazz's neck and pulled my sister up.

"Jazz, Malena. Malena, Jazz." I made an exaggerated introduction, forcing my sister to touch Jazz's uninjured finger and sort of shake it.

"And now that the pleasantries are done, will you two go away so I can finish stabilizing him? I'd rather have him fixed sometime in the next century, if you don't mind."

"Yeah yeah, Nurse Ratched, keep your panties on." Lena grinned up at the large medic. Jazz giggled, then groaned again as whatever pain got a hold of him. Malena frowned and walked up to him, fear and shyness forgotten.

She took a deep breathe, then traced the marking on his forehead. "Before Dr. Evil there boots me out, I just wanted to say… well… thanks for watchin' out for my sister… and, um, getting' all shot up for us. And I'm sorry I didn't trust you back in that restaurant, and for threatening to kill you and all that."

"S'alright, I woulda done the same thing."

"All the same though, it wasn't really cool of me and all."

Ratchet made an impatient noise and I shushed him. I wanted to see this, dammit!

"Anyway, Toxic-snot man back there's got somethin' shoved up his tailpipe, so I better go. I just…wanted to say thanks."

And with that she leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the nose, ran her hand up one of his horns, then ran off like a shy little high-schooler.

Jazz just rolled his head back to face the sky, grinned, and hummed, 'Yup, stillll got it."

I scoffed. "Pervert."

"What?" He put a note of innocence in his voice, and tried to look wounded. I knew better.

"Scoot! Go!" Ratchet pushed me away with the back of a hand.

"I'll come back later babe!"

"He'll be asleep. Now go tend to your sister." Ratchet said. I was torn between wanting to kick his ass, and total understanding of why he was so insistent. I wanted Jazz to feel better too, and the more I stuck around talking to him the less time Ratchet spent fixing him… so I acquiesced.

"Asleep? What? No! I just woke up! Ratch…" THUNK. Ratchet's other hand tinkered with something in Jazz's neck and out he went, like the medic hit an on/off switch. It was sorta creepy.

"He'll be fine, I just put him in stasis so the pain wouldn't bother him anymore. And it's easier to work on him when he isn't wiggling around."

_Yeah…_

I nodded at him and turned to go back to Sam and my sister. Bee hovered close, keeping a close eye on Jazz, restraining himself from doing what I just did, running up and hugging the silver 'bot. I hugged his leg before settling next to my sister.

She gave me a smile and yawned. "He's pretty sweet."

"You are such a sucker."

She rested her head on my shoulder tiredly, "Shut up."

It took about two minutes for Ironhide to reappear, roaring unhappily over the rocky ground and skidding to a halt about ten feet away from us. His doors swung open and five humans poured out, some looking a little worse for wear, but grinning from ear to ear. Ironhide shifted forms and stretched with a grumble, then stalked over to Prime to make his report. The humans on the other hand ended up in a nice pile on the ground with us, Sam's parents scooping him right off the ground and hugging him til he pled for mercy, Sarah, Annabelle and Will plunking down next to myself and Malena and grabbing us up into a four way hug with little Annabelle in the middle.

When we finally let go of each other we got attacked by Sam's parents and Sam himself. It took another couple of minutes to peel them off of us, but when we finally did I got to see the damage. Sarah had a cut on her head and a few small slashes on her forearms, Judy had a bump on her head too. Ron just looked really, really dirty, and Will looked… well, normal. Not much better than he did after Mission City, but a whole lot happier. He would not let go of Sarah, keeping her firmly wrapped in at least one arm.

Will was the one who spoke up first. "What the fuck happened to you two?" He asked, looking directly at Malena and me.

Ratchet looked up from his work on Jazz, and his big mouth answered for us. "They got demolition happy with a front loader, that's what happened!"

I corrected him a little bit. "I had a bit of fun with a dump truck too, but fuck all that…"

Sarah interrupted. "Language!"

Malena groaned. "What happened to you guys? Last I saw you guys were runnin' off and Mikki said somethin' about that spazzy little shit going after you…"

"He found us hiding in the rocks behind the base and tried to take Belle…" Judy answered, glaring off as if Frenzy was right there. Not much had to be said after that, just looking at Sarah's wounds told the story. She'd defended the kid like mad, and Frenzy wasn't very gentle with those little claws of his. Frankly I was surprised he didn't pull out the ninja stars Maggie told me about.

Ron put a hand over the bump on his wife's head protectively, allowing her to lean back into him and close her eyes. The poor woman looked so tired. "That big black truck came along just in time and Captain Lennox… I mean, wow."

Sam laughed at his speechless dad. Ratchet noticed how tired Judy was and bent over her curiously. "How do you feel?"

Judy's eyes widened comically. "I know you! You drove Sam home a month ago!"

Ron, Sam and Judy were all shuffled off with Ratchet (Judy bombarding him with questions) for a thorough medical scan so Will finished the story.

"You should've seen her," He nodded at Judy's retreating form, "She grabbed a rock and started bashing the little guy. Ironhide couldn't even shoot at him cause he was so close to Sarah, but Judy did a great job of holding him off."

Sarah joined in, "That's when that really big guy came. Him and Bessie there had it out…"

"Honey, please, don't call him Bessie, he hates it."

Malena and I snickered, and Sarah just grinned. "Anyway, _Ironhide _beat the shit out of him, so he grabbed the little spazzy robot and flew off, all smoking and sparking and very much unhappy. That's when we came back here…well, after Bes…Ironhide shot a few hundred rounds of…whatever the hell that stuff was at him."

Ratchet's voice sounded over the distance suddenly, stopping all speech. "PRIME! Get your skinny aft over here!"

Over where Prime and Ironhide where, I swear I saw a glimmer of trepidation in Prime's eyes as he massaged his gut-wound and backed up a step.

"NOW!"

Ironhide grinned and pushed his commander forward. Optimus looked back over his shoulder at the cheeky Weapon's Specialist and said something quite nasty sounding in Cybertronian, but it just made 'Hide grin wider before he casually wandered off.

_Speaking of retreat_…

"Where the hell is Barricade?" I didn't see his smoking corpse anywhere. There was no way in hell he could've walked away from that. No.fucking.way.

I almost got up to check the dump truck/front loader sandwich until I noticed Malena's head was not moving from my shoulder. I shook it a little, but it remained where it was… the poor woman was dead asleep.

* * *

_Barricade had been caught napping again. _

_They'd been flying for a while now, and he couldn't help but fall asleep from the relaxing feel of the 'anesthetics' and the feel of cold winds caressing his burnt circuitry, and that lovely feeling of weightlessness as Soundwave carried his helpless form to Primus knew where._

_The pain wasn't nearly as bad as it was before, but he still couldn't transform, and wouldn't dare try. He felt like a damned Sentinel sat on him and wriggled, but with the pain-relievers and the shock, he didn't really feel the pain of it, just… was conscious of it. He was also conscious of Soundwave touching his mind once in a while, accessing memories and bringing them to the forefront, pleasant things to keep him calm. For a cold-sparked high ranking Decepticon with a reputation for brutality, Soundwave had a touch of bedside manner that surprised the slag out of Barricade. _

_It took a few hours of flight, but finally Barricade felt hard ground under his deflated tires and relaxed completely. He wasn't used to flying, and although it felt wonderful, he really felt more at ease on the ground where, well, he couldn't fall. _

_He let himself drop offline for a while, trusting that Soundwave would… well, maybe… repair him? Keep him safe? It was strange to think such a thing of the giant mech, but Barricade didn't quite feel in a right state of mind. It was like he was, as the humans called it, 'high as a kite'. He'd probably believe anything right now._

_He came back online some time later, laying flat on his back (back? When did he transform?) with a very clear view of what was likely the ceiling of a large cave. His circuits were still cold, numbing whatever pain he'd likely have, along with the remnants of whatever the hell Soundwave injected him with mid-flight. Barricade scanned the area but did not pick up Soundwave's energy signature anywhere… but there was a familiar blip on his sensors and he reached out for it._

_Nearly a minute later he heard very familiar skittering steps and suddenly two pairs of blue eyes were hovering above him, looking quite pleased._

"_Cadecade!"_

"_Don't call me that you little slagger." He couldn't keep the note of fondness or relief that Frenzy looked relatively unharmed out of his voice this time. The silver mech smiled and patted Barricade's crest. _

"_Youuuu look like shhhhhit." _

"_Thank you." Replied the black and white sarcastically. He lifted his head slowly so as not to shake off the hacker, and looked around._

"_Where are we?" Most of his scanners were offline, he was disoriented, and, well, inside a cave. Not much to describe besides it being colder than where the battle was._

"_57.2degrees North, 105.6 degrees West."_

"_That means nothing to me, Frenzy. My connections are disabled."_

"_North."_

_Barricade glared. "I'd hit you but I cannot move my arms." He grumbled. Frenzy just chittered and hopped off his chest. _

_Silence reigned for a few minutes until Barricade's curiousity got the better of him. "Where is Soundwave?"_

_Frenzy was back at his side instantaneously. "He went out-t-t."_

"_No shit." _

_Frenzy cocked his head at Barricade's unusual statement. "Don't look at me like that, I'm full of painkillers."_

_The little mech went from confused to worried in a microsecond. "D-d-does it ssstill hurt?"_

_Barricade shook his head as best he could. "Not really."_

_Frenzy gave a relieved bleep and made himself comfortable on Barricade's arm, courteously choosing a spot that wasn't currently damaged. His other arm was half missing, but Barricade couldn't even feel it._

_There was another moment of silence before Frenzy spoke up again. "Humans almost slagged you."_

_Barricade made an unintelligible noise of frustration. They did. Two organic females nearly slagged him. He didn't know whether it was the drugs or not, but he seriously started to reconsider his opinion of humans. They weren't as useless or defenceless as he'd thought. First, one of them destroyed his leader, and Megatron was not an easy kill. Not even the Prime could manage to take him down, but a tiny little youngling male did. Now two of them caused so much damage to Blackout and himself that… well, he could no longer discount their abilities or their will to defend themselves. _

_He admitted finally a grudging respect, not to all of humanity, but to those he'd had more than one encounter with. The little male Sam Witwicky, the Banes sisters… Primus, all of the prisoners showed a lot of courage. He didn't like them, still thought they were insects, but… they were insects worth being a little respectful of. Like humans who had a healthy respect for poisonous spiders and snakes. Small, yet dangerous when cornered. Capable. _

_Okay, alright, they were worthy of a decent amount of respect. But he still didn't like them._

_Frenzy interrupted his thoughts again. "Soundwave is almost back."_

"_Where did he go?"_

_The little mech looked into his optics. "Get p-parts for you."_

_Soundwave? Scavenging? He must have gotten more damaged during the battle or something, the Soundwave he knew would never go that far to help another mech unless it was Megatron or one of his own creations._

_Frenzy apparently saw his confusion. "I asked him to."_

Buh?

_Before he could interrogate Frenzy further, Soundwave appeared, dripping…snow? Yes, that's what it was called, and carrying various parts. He dumped them on the floor carelessly and stepped to Barricade's side._

"_Status." It was not a question, but a demand._

_Barricade took a moment to mull over and answer, but finally decided on, "Scrap." _

_Hey, it was true._

_Soundwave's expression (such as it was) never changed. Instead he slowly reached down and gripped Barricade's head in one giant five fingered hand and completely invaded his mind. Barricade screamed._

'Foolish.'

Barricade felt Soundwave's calm cold presence seep into every circuit, every memory, and cringed. 'I'm sorry!'

'Answer promptly and succinctly next time.'

"Alright! Okay! Just… make it stop HURTING!' _He hated to beg, but this hurt so much, like acid dripping through his mind. _

_Soundwave backed off a little, enough to make the pain dull, but remained inside, seeking out answers for himself. He found every dampened pain receptor, every scratch, every blown circuit and fried wire, catalogued it, stored it, and kept going. _

_Then Barricade felt something very strange… a prodding, an opening… he explored it… and was shocked to realize that Soundwave himself had opened himself up a little to Barricade's mind. Very controlled, very restrained, directed, but open. _

_He saw what happened after Soundwave left him and Blackout, his fight with the Weapon's Specialist, his quick rescue of Frenzy… then._

'N-n-n-ooooo! We can't leave him here!'

_Frenzy's voice, weak and strained, but begging, actually begging. Barricade was absolutely floored as he watched/felt Soundwave give in to the pleading of his creation and turned back to the battle… watched as he freed Barricade from between the machinery and hauled him away, getting shot at the entire time by three Autobots._

_Frenzy… that little slagger…_

'Had I left you there to the mercy of the Autobots,' _Soundwave's voice started with a small touch of…was that humour?_ 'I would never hear the end of it.'

_Barricade was almost flattered. He knew that Soundwave saw him as an expendable asset of the Decepticon army, a pawn, but his creation he suspected was a whole other story. Barricade realized how much the little hacker thought of him, and smiled internally._

_Soundwave backed quickly out of Barricade's mind. After a moment of reorienting himself, Barricade met his eyes, and for a brief moment, there was an understanding. Frenzy was Soundwave's creation, but he was Barricade's partner. They would have to share._

_He didn't mind._

* * *

next: final chappie. and before i get screamed at, yes there is a sequel. I just wanna get more of it done. lol.


	20. Chapter 20

_…Most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological development._ - The Flying Car

**(20)**

Malena never even twitched when I pushed her off. When me and Will hauled her lightly snoring body from the ground to Ratchet's interior, she didn't groan, open her eyes, cuss, nothing. I would have been much more worried if Judy hadn't reassured me my sister was just plain tired, hadn't slept since she got captured except the times she was drugged or 'bopped on the head'. So with most of the humans jammed into poor Ratchet (with the exception of Sam, Will and I), and Prime feeling well enough to travel, the two headed back to base, only after multiple assurances that we'd be fine.

We decided to leave Blackout's scrapped corpse where it was (only after 'Hide and Will put a few more bullets in him, just to be sure he was really dead) for pick up and disposal later. Til then, we threw a bunch of scrap metal and busted equipment around him as a meagre camouflage until we could be bothered to come back. I normally would have cringed at this treatment of the dead, but just seeing Will's face as he booted Blackout in the head, well, any moral dilemmas were out the window. The Decepticon, after all, remorselessly destroyed Will's base in Qatar and killed dozens of his fellow soldiers, tried to slice up Sam in Mission City, AND kidnapped his wife and child. And that was just what he did to us on Earth, never mind what he might have done back on Cybertron. As much as I hated to think it, Blackout deserved a lot worse than a mild corpse mistreatment.

Jazz was another matter altogether. Thankfully he was still 'out' and would remain so until Ratchet saw fit to bring him out of stasis. Otherwise he'd never have let us load him into the only remaining functional dump truck, at least not without a whole lot of protest. So, as Bee and Ironhide hefted his weight into the back of the truck, I worked my magic and the beast started up with a satisfying grumble. I wouldn't be driving, unfortunately. Ratchet had threatened Will earlier with 'permanent erectile dysfunction' if I drove with a concussion. Will of course took it in stride, gave the medic a sarcastic salute, and asked me to start it up for him.

"Can you teach me how to do that?" Sam asked, huddled in the passenger seat watching. He looked so fascinated, his brown eyes all sparkly and lips stretched into a grin. Add in his messy hair, torn jeans and dirt streaked all over him, and I just couldn't resist. Dropping the wires and grabbing his collar I yanked him closer and kissed the hell out of him. He actually squealed, it was so cute.

I only let him go when he went totally limp. Smiling, I crawled over his sprawled form, looked him dead in the eye, and purred, "Did I ever tell you you look especially hot when you're grimy?"

His eyes went perfectly round as he gaped up at me, and for once he couldn't say a thing. I giggled and got off him, slipping out of the truck with the feeling of a job well done, leaving Sam laying there with his feet hanging out the driver's door, wondering what the hell just happened. As I strutted towards the charred yellow Camaro waiting nearby I heard Will laughing, "Come on outta there kid," and Sam replying with a nonsensical groan. Ironhide, of course, stood by looking somehow both amused and disgusted and Bee just shook on his tires.

"You're evil, Mikaela." He said, opening his passenger door.

"Oh, I know." I patted his car-butt on the way by, making him honk in surprise and Sam yell a protest about feeling up Bee again. I slipped inside, grinning the whole time as Bee closed the door and belted me in just a little tighter than usual. I couldn't resist. "Whoa Bee, didn't think you were into bondage."

THAT made his engine stall. "MIKAELA!"

_I just thoroughly scandalized an alien. I'm so proud. _It worked though; he loosened the belts enough for me to wriggle around in my seat to get comfortable. That just made him purr. I loved Autobots, they were so sensitive!

Sam got in a moment later, partially composed, and caught me laughing my ass off and Bee playing Barry White again.

"Do I even want to know?"

Before we left the site, Ironhide felt it prudent to…uhhh… dispose of any Decepticon equipment, just in case Soundwave came back. So the miniature caravan stopped at minimum safe distance and the four of us (five, if Jazz was awake) watched as Ironhide transformed and gleefully set loose enough rockets to level Disneyland at the building, reducing it to smoking rubble in record time.

Naturally it took a mere three seconds for Prime and Ratchet to comm in and give him seven kinds of shit, which Bee happily played on speaker for everyone to hear. Hide stood there grinning the grin of a sated guy, just saying "Yes sir… Of course, sir… No sir…" with not a drop of honest remorse. Will, half falling out of the cab of the dump truck, laughed up at his big trigger happy guardian, while Bee skimmed through his radio til he found some punk, "_I don't want assimilation/ I just want to BLOW SHIT UP!_"

The trip back to the base was a long one, and I fell asleep not long after we'd left the construction site, leaning against Sam and watching the sky through Bumblebee's windshield. It didn't take long for Sam to join me, his head slumped against mine and his arm wrapped around my shoulders. Bee didn't help a bit, blasting nice warm air into his cab and for once playing relaxing music… and I was out like a light in minutes.

* * *

I woke up who knows how many hours later, feeling like Optimus ran me over a few dozen times, with a headache the size of New Mexico for added flavour. Again the goddamn lights were too bright and I groaned a complaint, throwing an arm over my eyes.

"Ahh, you're finally awake."

_Ratchet…_

I mumbled around my arm, "Should I even bother trying to get up?"

"No."

"Thought not."

I could do nothing but submit to another series of scans, pokes, and questions before Bee spoke up and told Ratchet to more or less shove off. He and Sam, Judy, Ron, and (hee hee) Mojo were curled up together on a bunk big enough to fit Optimus Prime on, all in varied states of consciousness. It was a really cute picture, Sam all laid out in Bee's hand and Judy and Ron leaning against each other near Bee's legs, and Mojo curled up and snoring on Judy's lap. I wished I had a camera.

Ratchet turned his attention from me to poor Bee and I watched as he none too gently made some minor repairs on one of his door wings. Lucky Bee was so disciplined; one twitch would have sent half the Witwicky family flying and flattened the other.

"Geez, Ratch, take it easy!"

_JAZZ!_

Before the medic could do a thing about it I flew off the table and ran smack into Jazz's waiting hands. "Mik… ahhh, the Pit with you then… blasted over-excitable humans…"

"That wasn't very nice!"

"My apologies, Mrs. Witwicky."

Jazz lifted me up beside him and I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck again.

"Awww, I missed ya too, Mouse!"

I gave his chin a half-hearted smack and hugged him harder.

"Ow!"

"Oh please, that didn't hurt." I mumbled, nestled comfortably into the cables in Jazz's neck, grinning.

"Not my chin, my neck! I'm all sensitive right now, be gentle!" He whined, though he kept his hand at my back to keep me where I was.

"He's right, I just fixed his neck, don't mess it up." Ratchet advised in the middle of scanning Judy again.

I looked up at my guardian and his big blue eyes looked back down at me, and I swear, I actually wibbled. I didn't think one could actually wibble, made up word and all, but I did. "Oh my god Jazz I'm sorry!" _Oh no! I totally could have fucked him up again and I didn't even know! I suck!_

"S'alright, just don't, ya know, pull anything, 'kay?" he said with a silly grin.

It took me another minute to notice, but I couldn't hear or see my sister anywhere. "Where's Lena?"

Jazz giggled and pointed behind him (with a nice shiny new hand, I noticed). Avoiding any potentially sensitive cables on his neck I stood and peeped over, and there was Malena, cocooned in a blanket, fast asleep on a couch just a little below and behind Jazz. I should have known she'd never let me or him out of her sight… or, well, out of yelling proximity (when she wakes up)…

Before I could even ask, Jazz answered, "She's fine, just takin' a nap." He rolled onto his back slowly, carefully so as not to squish me accidently. "There's some food over there…" He gestured towards the Witwicky table, "if yer hungry." Then he laughed again, "You shoulda seen it. Mojo was yappin' and it woke her up, and she threatened to fry him up and eat 'im if she didn't get fed soon. Ironhide got this big ol' grin and showed her Sam's stash of Doritos…"

I watched Judy instinctually hug Mojo a little tighter. I could only imagine Ironhide's face, all happy he found a fellow 'rodent-roaster'. "She always did hate little dogs."

The whirring of cannons and a grunt was all I needed to hear to know Ironhide was here somewhere, and in complete agreement. I found him and the Lennox Family crashed out on the floor about 20 feet away from Jazz's feet, the humans in a tight little ball around each other and Ironhide acting as their California King-sized bed. One would think sleeping atop a giant metal dude with a lot of spikey bits and cables would be cold and uncomfortable but I knew from experience (catnaps on Jazz or Bee) that the Autobots were surprisingly warm, and though they were hard as, well, steel (or some weird-ass alien metal…whatever), it wasn't as bad as it seemed. They were curvy enough to make for comfortable napping.

Ironhide, fully awake and tinkering with the cannon on his arm, kept his good eye on the Lennox's with what I interpreted as a heavily suppressed fondness. It was no secret he adored that family, especially the baby… why else would he have ever allowed Sarah to put one of those horribly tacky 'Baby On Board' signs on his rear window? But being the 'tough guy soldier' he was, he didn't like it when we pointed out that particular weakness. Sam had had enough cannons shoved in his face to last him a lifetime after teasing 'Hide about it one too many times over the past few weeks.

Yet another sweet as hell picture I would have loved to have a camera around for was finding Optimus Prime, also seated on the floor, with his legs stretched out in front of him, his arms crossed around his massive chest, and his head sort of hanging down, optics unlit, dead asleep… or recharging, whatever. I smiled a little at the sight, never having seen him look quite so vulnerable and unintimidating before. Like a father after a long day at the office, passed out on his favourite Lazyboy chair while he had the spare five minutes before all hell broke loose and the kids woke up.

I smirked at the imagery.

"Wha's so funny?"

I turned my smirk up to my inquiring guardian and patted his cheek. "Nothin'."

The med bay was silent except for the humming of the Autobots internal systems and the occasional snore from Ron and the quiet mumblings from my sister. It made me sleepy, so I sat and leaned up against Jazz's chest and just watched him as his optics flickered and went out, falling back into recharge. I would have joined him almost immediately if Ratchet hadn't snuck up on me.

The big yellow-green medic had Malena in one hand, still wrapped up in her blanket fast asleep, and had this weird little grin on his face.

"She keeps saying something about anal probes and it's quite disturbing. Can you make her stop?"

I snorted. _Of course she's dreaming about anal probes… aliens… oh man, she's so getting a teasing when she wakes up._

Ratchet placed her gently down next to me and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and let her lean against both me and Jazz. She didn't wake up.

"It surprises me that she sleeps through all this."

I scoffed. "This woman could sleep through earthquakes and Armageddon, let alone gettin' relocated by giant alien mechs."

"And yet it only took a Chihuahua to wake her up last time…" he replied as he walked away. I leaned around Malena's still-mumbling body and watched Ratchet settle down on the floor next to Optimus, sighing and looking around his med-bay as if looking for something else to do. _Busy-body_.

I had to hold in giggles when he suddenly looked at Prime, smirked mischievously, and elbowed him none too gently in the 'gut'. Optimus started, eyes lit up bright, and looked around. Then, spying Ratchet's fake-innocent face narrowed his eyes and elbowed him back.

"Brat."

"Grouch."

They stared at each other for a moment longer, then rumbled quiet laughter.

I settled back before they saw me spying on them, but kept smiling. To think, just a few days ago I was walking down the highway alone at night, considering breaking myself away from Sam and the Autobots, pissed off about being 'claimed', angry that they kept making me feel inferior, primitive… and look at this shit? My guardian and my sister fast asleep on/around me, and all the new little groupings spread out all over the place, 13 people in one giant family. They _had_ claim. Not in the way I thought, but a claim. I was theirs, as much now as they were mine. Not as a pet, not as the annoying child or barely-tolerated 'in-law', but all-out adopted FAMILY. I was their human now, and unlike before, when it sounded like 'our pet', it felt like… well, 'our sister'. And I could live with that.

Suddenly another thought hit me… If Prime was the 'father'… and Ratchet was the only other one around without his own little 'family'…

_Oh yeah, he's definitely the mom_.

* * *

_Barricade stepped out of the cave for the first time in days, leaning heavily against the rocky walls to greet the sunshine and crisp fresh air, feeling better than he had in months. He stepped in a cold puddle of melting snow and water and it didn't even bother him. He was in a rare good mood._

_He didn't know if it was the days of recharge after weeks of deprivation, or the freshly healed wounds not bothering him anymore, or whatever the hell Soundwave kept injecting him with in random intervals, but he felt…good! Even being on an alien planet surrounded by millions of species of organic life-forms didn't bother him right now. And he didn't want it to bother him either. He was content to watch the snow melt and fall off the trees in clumps, and listen to the strange birds sing, and enjoy the colours of the sunrise._

_He even didn't mind that he sounded just a little too happy to be where he was, instead of being in his usual half-depressed, half-panicked mood where nothing quite fit right._

_Soundwave was back in the cave recharging, and Barricade had not a clue where Frenzy disappeared to, but he was sure he didn't go too far. Frenzy had been told how dangerous this area could be for a mech his size, and with the uncertainty of the effects the uranium deposits could have on Cybertronians, he was told not to take any stupid chances in his explorations. That, and there were humans about. Not many, but a few. And Soundwave mentioned '__Ursus maritimus' being a known resident of the area… though Barricade doubted they would still be here this late into spring._

_Barricade had the sudden unbidden image of Frenzy running from a Polar Bear and snorted. _

_They wouldn't be here long, according to orders from Soundwave. They were to relocate to, ironically enough, a place to the southeast of here called Deception Lake. Barricade wondered why the Pit the humans would name a lake… well, THAT. They as a species were a strange bunch when it came to naming things. But he had to give it to Soundwave for the idea of moving there for a while until they had their plans finalized. And the lack of Polar Bears was encouraging. _

_As for the plans, well, they'd spoken a little, but as Barricade was more or less only a foot-soldier, cannon-fodder in the minds of the higher ranking officers, he wasn't privy to Soundwave's deeper plans, only the bits where he had a part to play. Still, it didn't bother him much, he was used to taking orders and getting thrown to the front lines, and by worse leaders than Megatron and Soundwave, so… this was okay. _

_Barricade began to wonder what exactly Soundwave did to him while he slept. He'd never been this complacent. Then he shrugged. Worry later. Soundwave said to relax and recover for now, until they had something solid to move on. And that wouldn't be for a while, not with the damage yet to be repaired, and comrades still to arrive. _

_Before Barricade could go too deep into those thoughts, something cold and hard and…wet… '_UGH_!'…smacked him upside the head, leaving cold trails of water to trickle down and make him shiver._

"_FRENZY!"_

_The weird little hacker did a back flip off a nearby pine tree branch and landed with a thump into a pile of melting snow, disappearing completely from sight. That didn't stop him from letting himself be heard, unfortunately. _

"_Eeeeeee! C-c-c-cold! Primus!"_

"_That's what you get for leaping blindly off a tree."_

"_Still g-g-g-got you."_

_Barricade, still in a good mood, leaned down, wary of his injuries, and scooped up a pile of snow in his one functioning arm, leering evilly at the now slowly retreating and begging mech. Soundwave would have his head for this…but…_

"_Nnnnnnnnnoooo! Don't! I'm ssssssorry! P-p-please!"_

_SMACK._

_Frenzy flew a good twenty feet and landed in yet another pile of snow and slush, sputtering curses in rapid loud Cybertronian, vowing vengeance. Barricade laughed._

_Yes. It was a good day. _

* * *

Alrighty, that's the end of Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration. :D Thanks for reading, for the reviews, for the general squeefulness of it. Much love to my LJ girls.

About the sequel, well, I'm nowhere near done it AND I've had writers block on it since February… so I don't know. And, well, the focus shifts to Malena and Frenzy's POV, and I know how much FF people hate OCs. Heh.

I'll think about it. The updates would be slower. A lot slower.

mwah!


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